Married 5 years, but falling in love with someone else?

Question

I'm 29 and me and my husband have been together for 8years now and the problem is that I don't feel anything at all for him anymore. I still care for him and I don't want to hurt his feelings.

Strangely enough, I think he feels the same way. but i'm not quite sure.

the situation has been this way for over a year now and the problem is that i'm starting to fall for someone at work. I know he is married too but things are not too bright with his wife either.

everything was ok until today, my colleague told me he had feelings for me but wouldn't do anything about it since i am still married. he knows what i'm going through with my husband and he is a really nice guy.

i'm really confused, i'm torn between guilt of leaving my husband and the history we share together and the desire to start anew...i feel miserable.

do you think i should tell my husband? we don't have children.

how should i tell him?

Answer 1

You may not mind hurting your husband but i think you should think of the other guys wifes feelings a little more and stop messing with her husband!

Answer 2

be honest and talk to him before there are kids involved coz believe me thats when it can get really messy, if that what you want leave now

good luck

Answer 3

it won't be easy but maybe you need a trial separation

then you can try things out with this new guy

then you'll know whether it is just infatuation or maybe you'll find you really do love your husband and return if he'll have you back

I dont' see the point of wasting your nice husband's life from him possibly finding his true soulmate, the girl whose heart won't grow so indifferent. Your miserable so do something about it.

Take your time, small steps, but do something!

Answer 4

man that's tough but i really think you should tell him the way you feel .

Answer 5

you need to talk with your husband. this is a typical rut.. you guys have gotten into a comfortable stage... if you don't settle it, this will happen in your next relationship as well... everyone hits this wall.. you have to push through it.. Probably need to stay clear of the colleague... you don't need to give out personal info to the opposite s*x... it becomes a conflict of interest on them "helping you out"... every marriage has tough times. just work through them...

Answer 6

Yes, you should tell him and get out of an unhappy marriage as soon as you can.  I've been with my husband for 18 years and I can't stand him... I'm 43 now and I feel like I missed out on being happy all those years, but we do have kids and I think having a stable environment for them was more important.  Now, their getting older and I have to leave him soon.  I know he loves me to death, but... I'm just not into him any more... wait.. who's asking for advice here?  LOL.  Any way, my point is, tell him.  Like you said, the feelings may be mutual so it could be easier then you think.  Also, if you are entertaining the thought of being with someone else, it's probably over any way.  

Answer 7

Why not try to spark things up between you and your husband? Tell him your feelings and try if you can make it work between you two first. Think about why you feel this way about your husband, and what are the things that made you fall in love with him 8 years ago?

What you feel for your colleague may be a simple crush that passes as soon as you get what you wanted. If you concentrate in your husband, I'm sure you could get over it.

After all, you promised to be with your husband in good times and in bad times.  

Answer 8

If you dont have any feelings for him there is no sense in staying with him. If you think he might feel the same maybe you should just ask him! Its not your fault that you have lost the feelings for him. But its your life and you need to do what makes you happy. I wouldn't suggest running straight into another relationship especially if the man your interested in is married as well. If he and his wife do divorce then it would be fine to start dating then. But you have been with your husband for a long time maybe you should try doing new things with him and see if the spark comes back because if you have been with him for so long that has to mean something! I would try to make things work with your husband and if you still feel nothing then move on and be happy! hope this helps you good luck!  

Answer 9

i think this is something very dangerous you will regret all your life

tell him *the guy to stand behind his line and behave*

and you also ,

if you are bored ,take a vecation and be away from your husband for 3 months ,or something thats what i call solution

but going to the other man wont solve anything

Answer 10

You need to work on fixing or knowing what is wrong in your current relationship before bringing that baggage into another one.

Starting a new relationship with a married man is just wrong on so many levels.

Answer 11

No matter what your husband has or hasn't done to deserve this, he DOES deserve your respect and for you to be honest with him about what is going on.

Answer 12

Whatever it is he deserves to know. Be honest and open. Take it from there.

Answer 13

DANG, why are you in the position for your collegue to be telling you this ???? What signs/signals are you sending ???? YOU BETTER TELL YOUR HUBBY !! WHat will happen in 5 years after you marry again ???

Answer 14

Michelle,

The problem with leaving your husband for another co-worker is that the new relationship will always be tainted with trust issues.  After the newest of the relationship wears off you will always have a reason to doubt the relationship.  What if he takes interest in someone else or what if you end up doing the same thing?  Perhaps when and if it does you might even have kids in the picture.

If you don't have feeling for your husband you need to first deal with that situation.  If you don't water the yard the grass never grows and the yard across the street always looks better.  If you feel the need to move on then you need to do that and then think about dating your co-worker.  But the old saying of don't get your meat where you get your bread is true!

Also your co-worker may only be interested in you because you are married and he just wants something casual.  You know the desire to have something you can't have at the moment.  But once you have it, it's not always how you think it was.

Good luck!