Married Men & Women I'm a wife and I need your help!?

Question

My husband and I have been married for about 3 months. Well, Monday morning, he got a hold of my phone and read through some of the txt messages and freaked out. I was talking to one of my guy friends and he had complimented me. He called me 'girl' and said 'love you'. My husband freaked out and told me to get out and wouldn't even let me explain. I didn’t cheat on him, the guy was a friend that I grew up with. I know I was in the wrong, and I apologized sincerely.

A few hours later, my phone was cut off. He has been staying at his parent’s house, and saying he doesn’t want to get help with our marriage.

He came home last night and didn't have his ring on, told me he wouldn't stay at our house if I was here, said he wanted an annulment. I don't want our marriage to end! I love my husband and would NEVER cheat on him.

I want to write him a letter asking for forgiveness and asking him to come home and back to his wife. Please, tell me what I can say in the letter to change his mind and come back home!! Please HELP!!!

Answer 1

I don't think that situation warrants such a horrible reaction from your husband.  I think he's insecure about the messages and that's ok but geeeeezzzzz he didn't have to react like that.  give it some time and don't be so afraid he'll come to his senses.  You really need to stop being sooooo apologetic, maybe your making yourself look more guilty than you are and if you start to beg a man for forgivness they smell fear like an animal he will eat you alive in the future.  Be strong be mature and just try to give him some time.  Good luck.

Answer 2

if i were you i would write a simple note explaining what happened: honey, you misunderstood the text. he is just a friend. our marriage means everything to me. i would never do anything to jeopardize it. please let me explain." thats it. make it short and sweet. if he doesnt want to talk to you or let you explain, sorry but i wouldnt bother. i think what he did as far as cut the service was despicable and controlling. how dare he do that to you.

as far as taking him back, the ball is in his court. if he doesnt want to then he's not worth it. youre only married 3 months. what does he think he owns you?

and im serious.  

Answer 3

Well sounds like he needs 2 grow up, my wife jokes with one her friends(male) and i joke back . There has 2 be trust and i dont know why he doesn't trust u. But maybe u r just a bit more mature than he is. If he is like this now i doubt he will change cut ur losses sweety and move on may not b what u want 2 hear but thats what i would. Good Luck

Answer 4

Maybe talking to his parents will help.  Do you have a good relationship with them?  Also maybe ur friend can explain.  I don't think u did anything wrong, I think he just took it the wrong way obviously.  I'm sorry for the mistake.

Answer 5

Seems like a whole lot of immaturity here, even by the parents.

In a short letter, you said, what you needed to say in your question.

A mistake was made. It will not happen again. Let's renew our life together. I am sorry.

That's it with just a little more personalizing.

As a P.S. I add, his behavior would worry me as it is a combination of lacking maturity and control.

Good wishes.

Answer 6

I am divorced and re-married. My ex wife had plenty of guy friends (and tried to keep that behind my back). Stop thinking that you are innocent hun...'cause even if you are, the guys are not...They only want one thing and have little scruples unless they are g*y and have no chance of turning or experimenting with the other side. So your husband knows how guys are and he more than likely does not have girl friends (is my guess)...if that is the case, then you should not either. All it takes is for you and hubby to get into a fight and you sharing this info with a guy friend...to some extent...he may view that as betrayal...I think if you value this marriage, you will need to be more selective with the company you keep and text...If you don't drop your guy friends, I think its quite possible that he starts compensating and maybe over compensating with getting girl  firends of his own...Take Care

Answer 7

You want to stay with this guy?  I think you have confidence issues, seek help.

Answer 8

Wow. If he isn't even interested in listening to your explanation, he seems insecure and possibly has trust issues. I don't think that a letter will work if he's that riled up about this. I suggest that you find either a mutual friend of a trusted family member of his and explain yourself. Maybe they can talk to him and sort things out. He may listen to someone else, even though he's upset with you. I understand it was an old friend, but....maybe you shouldn't allow him to say such things if you are married. Some men can handle their wife having opposite s*x relationships, but it's important that he meet them, get to know them and feel comfortable with them. Otherwise it will make for a messy situation. Right now he's hurt and probably feels betrayed. You've got to get past all of this in order to say I'm sorry and it sink in. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 9

Was this a guy who you used to date, does he have feelings for you, or was it truly just a friendly gesture?  Let him cool down for a minute dont chase him.. trust me.. it will only make him turn more away from you right now.  If u have a relationship with his parents maybe try talking to them so they could explain your situation to him for now.

If you were to write him just tell him how you really feel.  If your conversation with your friend was more than it should have been than you shouldnt have married your husband.  I know this because soon after I got married I was talking back to my x.  Im not proud of this but I wasnt happy and it cost me my marriage.  Pray on this and ask god to bless your marriage.  

Answer 10

Do you really want to live that way? Your not an animal .

Answer 11

his reaction is very over the top for a text message.  he acted very brash and irrational by cutting the phone off after a few house.  if it was me I would have left you and cleared my head for at least a few days maybe a week before doing anything.

anyway if you really want this goober, have your guy friend talk to him and convince him about your relationship.

Is your guy friend hot?  I wouldn't say "love you" to a married guy friend unless I DID still want him.  sounds like there is still some sexual tension between you and this guy.  still your hubby's reaction was f'd up.  i would hate him now.

sorry but he sounds mean.

why was he looking in your phone in the first place?

i would tell him he is childish and you dont want HIM back unless you both go to counseling.  dont beg the jackass.  

sounds pretty hopeless.

Answer 12

oh no wat u have done could have hurt him very much when he thought he were the only one who say love u. May be u have to get a third party to speak to him and explain and make him realise the relation between you and your 'guy friend' are childhood friend nothing more than that.  AND you will never let it happen again , you have to try very very hard to get his trust back.  I m sure you can if you really love him.

Answer 13

Unless your husband has an actual mental problem (which I'm assuming he does not), there is more to this than just a text message.  Either there was something going on (arguing) between the two of you, you've done this sort of thing to him before, or there's something going on with him making him doubt his decision to marry.  

Anyway, let him calm down and do not attempt to contact him at all.  He will contact you.  If he's actually overreacting to just this one thing, it would definitely be best to leave him alone with his thoughts, as he will eventually conclude that he really overreacted.

Answer 14

Firstly...you sound as though you are saying you are in the wrong...that is BS..If he is that narrow minded and cannot realise it it a form of friendship to say "love you" then he has a problem...plus going through your phone messages is not right either...you deserve you privacy and personal thoughts...You say you love him...but I don't know if he loves you...so be very careful...

Answer 15

It sounds like he may be using that as an excuse to end the marriage. That may not even be the real reason. And why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? I've been married for 10 yrs and have been through this. I'v done the same thing to my husband, just waiting for him to do one thing wrong so I can leave him and it would be his fault. Hope everything works out.

Answer 16

very sad to end a marriage due to something like that,but i think you make a mistake to not saying that before it happens i don't know if you will do something right now to fix the problem,one thing you will make is let the time pass by and wait to see if he change his mind and if he does it tell him sorry for it ,and askhim for a chance to talk more explainable about certain things before it could be too late ,well that's my opinion hope it help you in something

Answer 17

If he is staying at the parents house they are likely influencing his thoughts.  Sounds like he has been waiting on an easy way out for him to leave so abruptly.  I would say confront him and tell him the truth and then give him a little space for a few days but let him know that you are there.  

Answer 18

I don't think it's your fault. He just went off without thinking it through.

Answer 19

You screwed up but he seems insecure. I believe that its possible something like this happened before or your Husband knows this "friend" to well. If he is not willing at the moment to fix the problem, let him have some space and time. Don't aggravate an already rough situation.

Answer 20

Let me get this straight, you want a man back who will not even calm down enough to listen to your side of the story.  I can't help you get him back.  He sounds very immature.

Answer 21

It sounds like he feels he made a mistake in getting married and is looking for any excuse he can find to get out of it. Do you really want someone that bad that you will beg and grovel ?? Let him go so he can find what he's looking for maybe he will find her but it isn't you he wants apparently. Do you really want someone that shallow?

Answer 22

Explain to him exactally what you told us here on the web. If he doesn't want to listen than ask him why he doesn't want to hear the truth... your end of the situation. He SHOULD understand if you explain it to him clearly!

Answer 23

A lot of people are siding with you on this one, but I'm sorry, I'm going to give you the harsh reality.

What happened was unfortunate, but you're not completely blameless. I believe that you didn't set the boundaries for this 'friend' of yours. He obviously does not respect your marriage because you didn't require he does. You let him cross the line. Another thing, I don't believe that your husband went off his rocker without some sort of history between you and this other guy (or at least some history about you and some other guy). You're trying to make it seem like you're not at fault and that your husband is a wierdo from outer space who 'freaked out', which makes me wonder, do you respect him? If not then you might not want to be in this relationship.

This is how I think it really went, you and this 'friend' had some history , you didn't clarify to this friend that it was totally unacceptable to flirt with you and that you are devoted to your husband and that his advances disgust you. Your husband finds the messages and rightfully thinks you're still involved with this other guy.

First off stop blaming him for acting out, it's clear he loves you so much and doesn't want to share you. Second give him space to decide what he wants to do from here. State your case explaining what happened and what you plan on doing from now (like breaking off with that 'friend' to show how much you love your husband, for example), then back away and let him decide.

Answer 24

First of all let me say im sorry to hear about your situation.

I can understand your husband being angry but from what you have said he sounds like he has gone a bit over the top.

" I don't want our marriage to end! I love my husband and would NEVER cheat on him."

This is what you need to say to him. But please dont write a letter. You need to talk to him yes but face to face. He needs to see how sorry you are. You could try telling him that it is normal to love your friends, especially the ones you grew up with. But there is a difference between friendship love and marriage love and you married your husband not your friend.

Tell him you are sorry and you will ask your friend not to say that he loves you. But dont stop being friends with this other guy because your husband is angry. That isnt fair. A little compromise is all that is needed.

Dont forget to look at it from your husbands point of view though and try keep in mind how you would react if the roles were reversed.

I sincerely hope this helps and good luck  

Answer 25

I hate to be be hard but myself and my late wife was married a lot of years and it sounds like your a great gal on the other hand it sounds like you married a child that has not grown up yet,

Answer 26

i believe u that u werent cheating on him. but if he's going to freak out over something so meaningless, why bother? ya know.  

Answer 27

Letters don't work Drive over to his parents house and talk to him.

This could just be his excuse to get out of being married.

And lastly stop texting guys

Answer 28

If he feels  that strongly right now maybe you should give him a few days to soak all this in. If It were you it would be freaking you out too. When he is ready I would explain to him about this guy and who this guy is, and for the sake of your marriage, you may have to cut ties with your friend.  

Answer 29

It seems your husband is dead set on not communicating with you and is WAY over-reacting. The least he could do is listen to your side of the story. By acting this way, it makes me feel he does not care much about you or your feelings. Especially not normal for a newlywed.

I am so sorry to say but it seems like he is using this as a "way out" of your marriage. Was there any other underlying problems between you two? It really seems like he has it all figured out: the ring is off his finger, he talked about annulment... To me a loving husband would at the very least want to work things out and get an explanation.

Now, from what you said, i don't think you have to apologize for anything! If the man that texted you (which seemed totally innocent to me) is indeed a childhood friend, i don't see any wrong in him telling you "love you". I tell most of my female and guy friends "i love you" on a regular basis, and they say it back but it has nothing sexual or romantic about it. It's just a different love. They are a part of my life and i do love them dearly, almost like brothers and sisters.

Your husband seems selfish and I really feel bad for you. You deserve better than to be treated that way.

Keep your chin up!

Answer 30

Tell him you can't control what other people say to you. If it were you saying I love you to him, that is different.

Your guy friend needs to respect your relationship with your husband by not saying things like that and stop flirting with you.

Answer 31

You don't have to apoligize to him, he completely overreacted.  He should be the one to apologize to you.  You're husband obviously has some issues that he needs to deal with.  You have to explain to him that it was just a simple gesture from an old friend.  If he continues to act this way then I don't see how this marraige could work.