Married but separated... Help.. ?

Question

I'm married but separated.. married 18 yrs but separated 6 yrs.. I still care about my husband very much.. he cheated on me 6 yrs ago while we were trying to get pregnant with his ex girlfriend and ended up getting her pregnant but while she was pregnant he asked me to forgive him because he said he made a mistake and was very sorry for what he did and I ended up forgiving him and we ended up having our first child a year later. But then he started spending a lot of time with his ex again after she had their child and we ended up drifting apart because of it and I ended up asking him to move out after 2 1/2 yrs of putting up with both of them. And now we have been separated again for 3 yrs now.. and for some odd reason I keep thinking he will come back.. But at the same time my hurt has turned to anger and i don't know what to do.. I know for a fact he is not happy like he thought he would be but I think he stays with her because of her mental condition and she uses that to her advantage. I know I need to move on and leave him alone but how do I let go of someone I still love and had a 20 yr relationship with? Right now he is still a part of my life because of our child but I don't talk to him like I use to.. He keeps asking me, why cant we be friends.. but its just too hard for me to do that.. What should I do and think about him now, knowing how I still feel about him? Where do I go from here? Some family and friends say to move on and divorce him but then some say to just see what happens.. they say he still does love me but he got himself into something he dont know how to deal with.. and for me not to give up on a 20 yr history relationship.. I really dont know what to do or how to feel????

Answer 1

He gave up on your marriage when he knocked up another woman and it's time you faced the facts and gave up on it too.

Answer 2

Please, for your own sanity, move on.  Been there, done that.

Answer 3

I recently had some problems with my marriage and i was talking to a friend at work about it. She is in her mid 50's and has had two long term relationships. Her first marriage ended after 15 years, and she has been with her current husband for over twenty years.  She told me after she finishes her master's degree program, she is divorcing her husband because what she has learned that she didn't know before is that life is too short to be unhappy. But here's the thing, we think we can't handle the pain of breaking up or ending it completely. We think we'll never love anyone like that again or be loved like that again or whatever. Truth is, happiness is what you make it, and you have to work at being happy. Happy doesn't fall into your lap, you don't run face first into happy. Stop living in limbo, your days are passing you by and you can't get them back. Make a decision and stick to it. And then work at it because its going to take work. However, personally, i think this man doesn't have your best interests at heart and therefore you will have to look after them yourself. Good luck.

Answer 4

You are a walking doormat when it comes to this guy.

Perhaps since you don't know how you feel or what to do, you could seek some help to figure things out?  Therapy is a great way to gain insight into your own feelings and a good way to find a positive direction.  Sometimes we really don't know what we feel, and are confused about things.  It never hurt anyone to try and work things through for themselves.  

Do it for you and your child.

Answer 5

hire a hit man to kill him and his ex. but not their child. killing children is just evil

Answer 6

been there done that too....let go mommy..he is not worth it