Married for little over a year - why do things get this way? what to do?

Question

I have been married for a year and 3 months and things are started to suck. My husband never wants to have s*x and acts like he is not physically attracted to me anymore and he says its because all i do is *****. Why do guys always use this as a cop-out? Every time a girl has a problem with something and brings it up, she is a *****. I don't know what to do. I don't feel like I am any bitchier than any other girl and that has never stopped anyone else I have been with from wanting to have s*x with me. I am usually the one that has to make excuses not to. Now he says he doesn't want to have kids anymore because of the way I am. Isn't that a little unfair? I just dont know what to do??!!??!

@#!#%!!

Answer 1

The best way to sort things out is to be honest with each other. If he feels like you complain too much, tell him you want to try to work on it. But be open with him about your needs too! Communication is key!

Answer 2

Counseling, and then really think if you are *itch*** and why you are. Then stop doing it, and watch and see if there is any improvement.  Some guys pick a fight, know how to push the right buttons, so they have an excuse. Take away all things he can use as an excuse, and WALLA it all comes back to him. If you guys are going to play games, then learn how to play their way, then change the rules to your way.  

Answer 3

There is some kind of breakdown between the two of you. Maybe try couples therapy. I know its only been a year but try date nights, where you come home and forget about all the stress from the day. You need to find the reason you fell in love with each other in the first place.

Answer 4

anyone who has been married for more than a year (not too many on here i'm sure) can relate to this.  i've been married for over 16 yrs, it's not all roses.  s*x comes and goes, and then comes back again, but you know if i can go home tonight and have my husband tell me that my S****y day will be better with a hug and kiss?  i can go without s*x for a couple weeks.  he holds my hand while we watch tv.  oh about the bitchy part?  oh yeah i'm a ***** with a capital B!!  but about 6 months ago, i started taking buspar (anti anxiety) and i notice it, my hubby notices everyone i work with notices...and pick your battles...if him not putting the toilet seat down is the WORST thing he can do to you?  or not putting the cap back on the toothpaste?  then fight for that.  you know what i mean?  pick your battles....

Answer 5

Sounds like your being a c***.  And he's probably not physically attracted to someone that b*****s at him all the time. Not only that but if you're a couple in your twenties, he's probably met someone. most men wont **** there wife if there falling in love with a hussy. I mean look at how you wrote this and even your avatar picture, you seem like the biggest *****. Chill out see a doctor and stop nagging at him.

Answer 6

Things start to "suck" because marriage is about challenging each other to be their best. Is he right? Are you complaining all of the time? If so, you might need to change your outlook and learn how to enjoy life and be thankful together. Take an honest look at your behavior over the last month or so and ask yourself if his complaint is valid. If it is, figure out what's making you so unhappy. If he's totally off base then you need to get him to do his own soul searching so he can figure out what's wrong with himself. If he doesn't want to have s*x then something is wrong. If he doesn't want to have kids, something is really bothering him. Work together to figure out what's going on then fix it. Good luck :)

Answer 7

well i can tell u from experience guys do not like or care for women who nag constantly what i do is i talk to a close married friend and tell her my problems. vent that way and stead of with him b/c even if u are expressing how u feel men will look at it as either complaining or B**** so with that said stop nagging at him and talk to him. trust me it worked for me i have been married 5 years.

Answer 8

I'm assuming he works and you stay at home. It is really tough to find a balance in marriage, when he comes home tired from work all he wants to do is relax and all you want to do is talk and spend time with hm cause you have been alone all day. You see how each one is not getting what they want out of the marriage and balmes the otherI had the same problem with my ex wife and after 2 1/2 years of marriage she called it quits. You guys need to find a way for each one to get what they want with out compromising to much the other one needs.

I think that here it is more his fault than yours, he is taking you and the marriage for granted and before he realizes he will loose you.  

Answer 9

You weren't married to those other people and likely all they wanted to do with you is have s*x, so they didn't care so much about your mouth because they knew if they got fed up with it they could always leave. When you are married, then all aspects of the person matters to you, or should. And you are in it for the long haul, or expect to be. So having s*x with them is about more than just their body. He isn't attracted to the type of person you are being around him, so the way you look doesn't matter or isn't important enough to override your unattractiveness concerning your attitude.

The way you are going on here, I really don't blame him. If you act around him the way you write here, then I'd be saying the same thing to you if I were a man and your husband.

Answer 10

First of all, "MOOP" that answer was uncalled for.  You just don't use the "C" word on someone you've never met.  Second, it sounds like you two have a severe communication problem.  Sometimes it's not what you say, but how you say it.  Maybe reword some of your conversations so you don't sound b&#chy.  As for the s*x part, it's probably better that you're not having s*x while things are so turbulent.  s*x under stress isn't real, it's just being used.  Try talking (calmly, rationally, no yelling, name calling, etc), try counseling, and get things good outside of the bedroom before you go back in.  GOOD LUCK TO YOU.

Answer 11

People have a lot more expectations when they fall in love and get married.  Most don't understand this.  If anyone is doing anything different, that wasn't done before marriage, that may make a start towards a downward spiral.  If you're complaining about things that he was already doing, it may be too late to change that.  Just sit down and talk to him about everything.  Both of you need to be open and honest with each other about what you both want and need from each other.  - That way, there are no "expectations".

Answer 12

I wouldn't stay married to him any longer. He doesn't respect you.

Answer 13

All men are ******* dirt.

He's probably just feeling insecure about the relationship and trying to find a reason to blame it on you.

Answer 14

its only been 3 months give u guys some time 4 ur self before u bring children into it there a life long commitment u cant divorce them. ive been with mine for 15 years and were still happy and the s*x is as good as the 1st time. but there will be ups and downs. when he starts acting like hes not intrested do something to make him interested.lose weight, new nighty anything.lay off the bitchin when tend to do alot of it and not even notice expesially if hes leavin all of his dirty clothes around. good luck  

Answer 15

I can understand how a man can lose his attraction to a female if much of the time spent together is spent complaining or arguing. First, I would sit down and have a nice talk at a normal volume level. Ask him what it is about you that makes him feel that you are _____. Is it the yelling, nagging, or just raising an issue that he doesn't wish to deal with...? Tell him that you want to work on the relationship and get back to the way things were when there was respect in the marriage. If the two of you can't communicate and work out your issues, I would never suggest that you bring another life into the mix. Not only does a child bring about enormous responsiblities that he may not be prepared for, but they also take time away from you two as a couple. You need to be a very solid unit prior to introducing another life that you are responsible for. The road of marriage needs energy from both partners - if one decides that they are unwilling to work at it, it may be the end of the journey. Is his reason true or is there someone else that has been attracting his attention on the side? Take time with each other and really listen to what the other is saying - keep your temper calm and perhaps the two of you can find more joy in each other - that is why you are married - to share life's struggles and joys together. It seems simple, but it requires time and attention every day. Best wishes to you both!  

Answer 16

Sounds like he is having second thoughts (of course as usual a little late in the game). See if he will go to counseling with you.  Maybe he will talk about what the "real" problem is.  Good luck!

Answer 17

not all when are *****, this usually happens when u marry someone that is not similar..or opposite of u. not your fault almost sounds like he might be cheating on u because i dont know a guy that passes on s*x. if cant work it out i say move on there are many guys out there that will appreciate u

Answer 18

Has his behavior changed in any other way?  Has something else got his interest?  On the other hand, would you want to pet a dog that barked at you all the time? (I'm not insinuating that you're a dog, it's just an illustration)

Answer 19

You need to get counseling,  Don't bring any children into a relationship  like this.  Maybe he has a girlfriend?  Maybe you need to leave and see if this is really the kind of marriage you really want?  Maybe he will change his attitude.

Answer 20

Ok, Men are from another planet.  They do not understand women from this planet.

When you start to talk to him about serious things that bother you, he just hears mmmmmm,mmmmmmm.mmmmm.

If you want s*x, try seducing him when he gets home from work, with a nice dinner, candles and NO complaining....served in a Nice way with some lingerie on.  

That will get you some s*x, but if you want a better marriage, that takes honesty and communication.  

Good Luck

Breeze

Answer 21

When the "honeymoon" is over, all that's left is a marriage. A marriage is what you have now. You will have to learn to resolve your problems, and make the marriage work. "Work" being the operative word here, it doesn't just happen.

Answer 22

How can one know, unless he knows what you are doing in your marriage, unless they are there too.

But if your husband, is cutting out s*x, with you, that's a serious issue.

You need to think more of what you are saying. Think before you say what you say to your husband.

Keep up being bitchy, and he'll find some woman who isn't bitchy.

Have you put on weight, has your body changed. You need to ask friends, if they think you have and to be honest.

Is he cheating on you? That's a possibility, although being married for only fifteen months, that seems unlikely.

Leave off, what he say's is bitchiness, and get back into a more loving state.

Answer 23

you guys need to go to counciling. you should go separate and then do some sessions together. if you don't get to the bottom of these problems, they're only going to build up and get worse.

Answer 24

everyday life and problems cause it, when u can't communicate and work things out it effects the love life.he sounds like he;s deflecting all blame for everything onto u rather than admit he has a part in the problem.problems can make one think they are no longer in love, so if u could communicate and solve the problems the love life would get better.

Answer 25

I am happily married for twelve years to my second husband and I can identify with your problem because of my first marriage. I can tell you right away don't have children with this guy. He may not even be the one for you and you don't want to bring a child into this. I think he has an attitude problem not you. Try marriage counseling or just ask him if he is serious about your marriage. One person can't keep a marriage together. And sometimes you think you married Mr. Right and Mr. Right is just around the corner. Good luck. Hope this helps.