Married going on 5 years - two beautiful boys- advice please:?

Question

My husband and I have been married going on 5 years now. We seperated for a few months after the first year then went to counseling a few times then reconsiled and have been together since. We have 2 beautiful boys, he is a great dad, a hard worker and a good provider. He doesn't drink, smoke or do drugs. But our communication is very lacking. We hardly really talk, snuggle or spend one - on - one time together. It doesn't help that we work opposite shifts. When I get home from work we have an hour till he goes in to work, our days off are opposite too. But even when we were home together more we still didn't talk alot and be really affectionate. When we can, we go to the park, aquarium, out to eat, or do good family events and enjoy eachothers' company - but I still feel like something is missing. I know I shouldn't complain. The grass may not even be greener on the other side of the fence. But I'm not sure how to make things better- besides switching jobs- any suggestions?

Answer 1

Start being nicer to him and think of him as your boyfriend. YOU can   snuggle and be affectionate. YOU can start talking more. Buy him a new wedding ring. You can start doing less socializing and more things one-on-one--you say you want one-on-one time together yet you prefer to go to parties and your sister's house.

It sounds like you're sitting there waiting for him to magically change but you're not making much effort. You need to be the one to start making changes in how you treat him

Answer 2

It's funny how you say that he's the one who wants things his way, but all your complaints are about how you want him to change to be more like you....so in essence, you both want it your way with very little compromise.

You can't change a person unless they want to change or see a need.  He is fine with the way things are, so you need to learn to be also.  Instead of focusing on the things that aren't what you like, you need to learn to focus on what you do like.  You listed plenty of great qualities that he has, why let the few things get to you so much?  When you find yourself thinking about them and feeling negative, force the thoughts out, go over and hug him or write him a cute love note instead.

Also, I love the idea of a date night.  Take turns planning the dates, that way he gets to be part of the planning and anticipation.

Answer 3

I suggest you talk to him about what you think is wrong and then ask him what does he think you guys should do about it.

Also....going back to counseling sounds like a good idea....go with him or alone.

Answer 4

the obvious, switching jobs.  you have alot of good things going for you.  but it wont be good for much longer if you two dont connect on a regular basis.

Answer 5

Youre actually going to have to schedule time just for the two of you, whether its a certain night to go out or a weekend away ( know its hard with kids) but something. Both agree on a special time and write it on the calendar every month so both know not to schedule something over that time and then go for it. Sometimes a young couple with kids just forget that they too have a life not just for the kids and a love life. What youre missing is the true quiet time with each other and with a little planning you can have it back again. You may have to use your imagination a little to make this work but it has helped many a young couple in the same boat as you. Good luck

Answer 6

My husband and I had opposite days off, too.  We have a 7 year old, and it was very hard not doing things as a family.  Instead of changing jobs, could one of you at least change shifts?  It would not hurt to ask your employer.  We tried to at least plan things around holidays when we were all off...even though they were few and far between.  Try leaving notes to your husband on the kitchen table or where he'll find them when you are at work.  Maybe he will do the same.  Maybe you can try to take a day off once in awhile where you two can get a babysitter and take the whole day together to do something.  I know it's hard, believe you me.  Good luck.

Answer 7

Ok when you both work and have 2 young children it is tough to get talking and quality time together.  My suggestion is make date nights so you do not have interruptions and you do have time to talk.  If you two do not MAKE the time for eachother then you will lose site of eachother.  I hope this helps.

Answer 8

these years of little kids are hard, even boring for almost everyone.  they pass quickly and become lots more fun as the kiddies grow just a little older

set up a date night for going somewhere just the two of you somewhere neither of you have ever been, it is a classic prescription for reviving marriages.  

Answer 9

  it sounds like both of you are tired and overwhelmed.he watches the kids while you work and vice versa.id really consider he or you switching shifts at work.if and only if you both feel that your relationship is worth it. i think it is.

Answer 10

If there is any way for either of you to switch shifts or jobs, then I would suggest it. quality couple time is important to any relationship. I would also set aside some time-even an hour a day or so-to spend time together alone, without children. Put the kids to bed or hire a sitter, but be sure to spend some time alone together-it doesnt matter what you do-have s*x, share a meal, tell stories, play a game-but find a way and a time to reconnect and make sure you do it weekly!!!!!