Married to a narcissist?

Question

Married to a Narcissist?

Is anyone on here married to a narcissist or have been in the past? Did you know of them to ever REALLY reveal emotions. Was everything fake in an attempt to get their admiration or their negative attention? Did you feel drained of who you used to be by the emotional and verbal abuse and really cheated that you were not in a relationship with the person who you thought you were? Any more information would be appreciated. I am married to a narcissist, but I think I have seen him reveal true emotions when speaking about his family and his childhood and his abandonment from his father, but I don't know if that was all staged as well. I feel cheated in some way, but I think perhaps he is not a completely lost cause if he can still feel SOME emotions at least toward his family. Maybe his love for me is real? If that is the case then I don't know how he could abuse me the way he does.

Answer 1

Dear What,

Has he been officially diagnosed as a narcissist?

I ask because Narcissists have many characteristics of Borderline Personality Disorder.

Both are devastating mental illnesses, and are hard to treat. Insurance companies frown on both, Bpd being the worst. Bpd's love you in the moment, when it's convenient for them. They can love, but these are only fleeting moments and they often forget their love for you when you walk out the door. They forget the good things about you, and start to grind there teeth over imagined things about you, then you are inferior, devalued by your opinions, thoughts and actions. They think in black and white and cannot see grey. They'll put you on a pedestal, and when you commit an indiscretion, they knock you off the pedestal...you're either all good or all bad.

They are either high or low functioning or a combination of either at opportune times. They can convince all those around you how much of a slacker you are to the point you may even start to believe it!

I know that Narcissists are more easily treated than Borderlines, but there can't be much hope...the success rate is low...I'd like you to take a look at the links I'll leave you below. i am active on at least one site daily, and may see you there!

Wally

Answer 2

Not a good choice here - have you heard of John Edwards? A classic narcissist....thinks only of himself, why he does that is irrelevant. What is relevant is that he will use those around him to make himself feel better because he is the only important person in his world. IF you can live with that, go for it. Otherwise, move on. I would, especially if there is any kind of abuse, emotional, physical or otherwise.

Answer 3

ooh do u love him? then what is the problem?

Answer 4

I am..and you know what? I love him. He told me before he has changed since he meet me...I see it too SLOWLY evolve...he is changing on his own because he is now seeing the lighter part of the world. How are you living YOUR life? Are you compassionate? Kind? Do you give him love?

Yes...my guy is narcissistic..and love every bit of him. I do not ask him or force him to change..not at all, he is doing it on his own. YOUR the role model, just let him observe you. Ok?

Answer 5

You need to describe his narcissistic tendencies better. Does he look in the mirror too much? Is he insecure? Is he looking to dominate you at times and then have you dominate him at other times?

Narcissism stems from the mirror stage but can evolve into many different forms. Your question is hard to answer.

I would say leave him, though, and read the book Leaving A Doll's House by Claire Bloom if you want good and real insight on being married to a narcissist.

Answer 6

All the above...and his love is real until you can't give them what they want. They are selfish people, who don't really care about anyone but themselves. And unfortunately they hardly ever get help because they don't think or realize they are wrong. They will justify their behavior however they can. If you can get him into therapy then you have a better chance, if not then all I can say is good luck. No one deserves being abused and its up to them to get themselves out of it one way or another.

Answer 7

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde.  It is only after you divorce them that their true evil becomes apparent because your brain has been dulled by their influence for so long. Life is a stage for these men and they are incapable of feeling real love for another person.I honestly think you would be better without it but I know it will be tough with the mind games etc.I wish you all the very best.Stay strong.