Married with (adult) children--how do you manage to be intimate?

Question

My husband has 3 kids from a previous marriage. I love my step-kids, so I'm not complaining about THEM.

The youngest is 21 and in college. He is engaged and plans to move out within the next 2 years. Between work, school and dates with his fiance, he is out of the house often enough that my husband and I have plenty of alone time.

However recently my stepdaughter, who is 30, left her husband and moved in with us. She has always been close with her dad, so now that she's living with us, she wants to be around whenever he's home. My husband and I are NOT 9-5ers, so it's rare when we have time off together anyway. Now that she's living here, it seems there is never a time when one of the 2 kids isn't home. The last time we were intimate was 3 weeks ago and that was while we were on vacation (with all 3 kids, by the way).

So, if you have adult kids living at home, do you just go ahead and do it and not worry that they might realize what you're doing? Are we being too sensitive to the fact that they will know/care that we are having s*x when they're in the house?

If not, how do you get creative and get some alone time? Should my husband have a talk with his daughter and explain that we need a "date night" now and then and gently suggest that she make plans for the days we have planned to be together? She's been here for 6 weeks and has yet to file for divorce.

Answer 1

They are adults, and your step daughter was/is married, so she knows what married people do. Your step son is engaged, so I'm sure he is aware too. I think your husband does need to talk to his daughter and tell her, nicely, that while the two of you are supportive of her living there to get back on her feet, she also needs to give you guys some space. She can use that time to date, spend time with her kids (if she has any), take a night class or whatever, but she needs to give you at least 1 night a week for just the two of you. She should understand.

Answer 2

Motel 6

I mean Motel "s*x"

Answer 3

please go ahead and do all the things you use to do while they were not around, there is absolutely nothing wrong with whatever intimate relationship you will have with your husband whether his children in your house. dont sacrifice your happiness for anything in the world

Answer 4

they're adults they can deal with it. JUST DO IT...swoosh..

6 weeks isn't a long time, I took 4 years of separation before I got divorced (well no me someone I know)

Answer 5

that's just it you have "adult" children living at home, go in the bedroom and shut the door, who really cares if they know what you are doing... if they don't like it they can get their own place....Sorry to be so harsh but my daughter's are 11 and 13 and when my husband and I are in the mood we go into our room regardless of the time regardless of whose home....

Answer 6

Oh boy, I wish you a ton of luck with the step daughter.  I have an 18 yr old step daughter and she is venom in my relationship.  She has alot of jealousy for me and its really hard.  She just went a long ways away for college and I am glad!  She has never accepted me no matter how kind i have been.  Blah blah blah long story, but anyway about yours.  They are both adults and know your having s*x.  Just have it, however, at their age they should be able to stand on their own independently.  So they shouldn't even be living with you at their age shame on them both.  I would expect your husband and you should be able to have date nights without okaying it with your step daughter. The step son should and will be out before you know it, guys are like that.  But be careful step daughters are highly jealous of anyone but mom and good luck you need it.

Answer 7

walk into the living room wearing a strap-on and a french maid outfit, and see how fast those kids clear out

Answer 8

Since they are adults, I would have the discussion.

Answer 9

sure... just turn up the music & tell um.... " me & my baby~maker are gonna rock it like the old day's... take a hike, if your going to hang... answer the phone. & if ya dont want to see us butt naked, DONT KNOCK!"

that works for Me & it should work for you.

Answer 10

Wow this kind of sucks for you.  I know that the economy is in terrible shape but you really should try to push the baby (not so baby) birds out of the nest.  I am surprised at first about the engagement while still living at home, but back to the questions at hand.

I am 24 and if I still lived at home I would think it was nasty that my parents were having s*x while I was home.  I think it is more of a courtesy thing though, I wouldn't have s*x with my fiance if my parents came to stay at my house.

I know the kids are a bit to old to give them money and say go catch a movie... but I don't think it unreasonable to say that you and your husband want the house say Friday nights, and she can then go out with her friends.  This could help her get out of the house and be social which I know can be difficult during and after a divorce...

Answer 11

We still have our adult children living with us and frankly they are adults they know mum and dad get intimate, they either live with it or not at all but the point is they do live with it, just because you have adult kids at home doesn't mean your relationship stops.

Answer 12

Why are you allowing the kids to dictate your s*x life? Its your house. If you want to have s*x then do it. A few things will happen 1) they will see you are happy and content with your marriage (which can be a great thing for someone who is in a breakup type relationship)

2) giggle a little out of embarrasment  3) stay or leave the house.

I would suggest making a sign and sticking it on your door that saids "Mom and Dad need OUR time, go away!) End of story- they'll get the hint.

Your hubby's daughter sounds like she needs some support from your hubby and that's why she is hanging around. When they're is a strong bond between daughter and dad, they girls tend to make stronger, better decisions for yourself. He also needs to let her know that she is grown and that he will ALWAYS be there to support and encourage her, but she must understand that he is married to and owes time to you as well.

Good luck.

Answer 13

I believe you and and your husband should tell them to go hang out somewhere to give the both of you some alone time. Also you could just get a hotel room. Then there also the fact that the kids are grown so you should be able to have s*x in your own house regardless, just keep the noise down.

Answer 14

your step daughter is 30 surely you dont have to sit and explain to her how step mom and daddy need alone time. i wouldnt creep around my own house just to have s*x she's old enough to understand if they hear they hear and if she dont like the fact that yall are getting down maybe that will hurry her stay....good luck

Answer 15

Your husband never cut the cord, until he does, they will still be at home.

Your husband needs to cut the cord, and cut it now!!!'

The children are old enough to get a place on their own, when I was their age, I was living on my own, and loving it!!!

You husband needs to get a backbone and cut the cord, it is not healthy.

Answer 16

Wow, your nice parents, glad to hear.  And yes just go ahead and do it, they are adults and know what is natural.  It is your house, your rules.

Answer 17

Im the adult child in the home so Ill give it to you from my perspective. Im 21 live with my mom and I can pretty much assume that when he bf is here and sleeps over whats going on. Id feel pretty bad if it wasnt going on just because of me. I think you should talk to her. Obviously she knows about s*x if shes married! It might be a little akward but your kids are all grown and you deserve to have some time to yoursleves! We dont have kids expecting that they are going to live with us forever. If shes back and hasnt filed yet try t o be understanding of whats going on with her while still addressing how they two of you need to be able to have your relationship ... and all the intimate pieces that go along with it. You probably want to talk to your hubby before you talk to her though so you can get on the same page. If shes home you can always try to be quiet, or warn her in advance that your going to have a "date night" and go out or something and come home expecting to have a little fun so she can make her own plans. My bf wont do it when anyones around either so the fact that I live with my family and he can only stay over once a week or less drives me crazy! In the end I had to be understanding and just wiat paitently until we got some alone time. Still, I would have a sit down with both of them and figure out a solution.

Answer 18

Close your door.  Lock it and have your husband tell her that you don't want to be disturbed.  Don't make this a bigger deal than it is.  It's not like they are babies and even teens.

Answer 19

Picture : your in a house full of grown ups, maaan every chance you two get you are supposed to go in your room lock the door and do the d**n thing!!! When they knock, do what we do shout out MAN AT WORK!!! GO AWAY!!! It works every time. They may be making smart remarks, but they know that the flame is still flickering between mom and dad

Answer 20

lol..I got a 15 year old..so we have to be VERY quiet

I dont think hubby should talk to his daughter..she may feel like shes being pushed out, and if shes going thru a break up its the LAST thing she needs!! It could cause alot of tension :(

Make alone time out of the house, go on picnics, go to movies, book a motel an hr away and have a dirty weekend!

The daughter is an adult, Im sure she knows her father is doing it lol..just keep the noise down and the TV up lol