Matron of Honor not doing her duties......?

Question

First off my Matron of Honor stood me up at my Engagement Party and didnt contact until 3 days later with the dumb excuse that she had to babysit her sister in law children after the party we was going to discuss the wedding, etc. I called her about fittings the end of this month because Im having their gowns made so they dont have to pay for them and she was like I dont know it I can make it or not. Which that upset me a lot! I sent her an email and told her that if she wasnt up to her duties that she needed to let me know so she could step down and I could put someone else in the position to full fill them. I still havent heard anything from her, I sent it about 2 weeks ago. Should I wait for when she is suppose to show up for her fitting and then put someone in. I fill kinda bad too because she has somethings done for the bridal shower as well. What should I do? I dont want her to s***w me over on m bridal shower or the day or my wedding. Im only doing this once.

Answer 1

Have you stepped back and looked at how you're acting towards her?  Perhaps she's a bit peeved with you too.

I did not require my MOH to do the typical "duties", she was my good friend and I wanted her there to support me on my day.  

My MIL and my Mom threw my shower.  I think you're being a bit presumptious.  She's not your slave,  she's a friend.

If you are willing to look at this openly and constructively then you need to step back.  Invite her to lunch and find out face to face what is going on.

Answer 2

You have been patient with her, but now it is time to act.  Find out for sure now, before it is too late.

Answer 3

Don't wait!  I had a very reliable (so I thought) bridesmaid who I kept calling and not hearing from.  She kept e-mailing saying she would call soon so I didn't worry about it.  Then she finally e-mailed and dropped out of my wedding a month before!  Call her and let her know that if she is going to be the maid of honor, she needs to not only fulfill her duites but communicate with you.  Explain that you have a lot of stresses and don't need her to be one of them.  If she can't do that, then you should let her know you need to replace her.  Believe me, don't let this slide.

Answer 4

First off, stop sending emails and making phone calls.  your just allowing her to ignore you. go to her house when you know she is going to be home or somewhere you can talk to her that you know she will be.  then ask her if this is something she really wants to do or if you are better off replacing her.  the engagement party isnt really that big of a deal.  sure you would have liked her to be there, but at the same time, her life doesnt revolve around your wedding and you need to understand that.  however, she needs to understand things like dress fitting needs to get done and she needs to make herself available at some point to do all of this.  I would try and talk to her once more and if nothing comes of it and she doesnt show up for the fitting then find someone else to take her spot.  but make sure you understand these girls have a life of their own as well.

Answer 5

I agree with most of the posts, I would either call her or speak to her face to face.  This is an important day for you, and you need support, and remember your matron of honor should be helping out with your wedding plans, not causing problems, and making it stressful for you.  I had to do the samething for my friend.  I was only a bridesmaid but her maid of honor gaves us nothing but issues.  She complained about everything, did not contribute a penny for the bride, and complained when I tried to step up to the plate.  So I know how you feel.  Be diplomatic about it suggest that she may have a lot on her plate, and you thought it would be best if someone else helped you guys out, there is no law that says you can't have two maid/matron of honors

Answer 6

Bridezilla, she's probably upset with you because you are demanding that she work as your slave.

You can choose someone for emotional support as your MOH or you can choose the best worker.

But it should be your best friend that you love, and the only thing that should matter is if she is there standing at your side - nothing more.

You should call and say this exactly

"MOH I know you have a lot going on, and I don't want you to feel overwhelmed about my wedding.  Your my best friend and I love you, and the only thing you need to do is stand beside me on my big day.  I need you on that day."

See how she reacts.

I bet you won't do this, because the only thing you want to tell her is:

"Hello!  You are my MOH!  When are you going to start planning my shower?!  How am I suppossed to get any gifts!"

Answer 7

Wow...bridezilla anyone??

Your MOH is supposed to be someone you choose because you love her and want her standing there next to you.  Not because she can plan a good party.  If you are already thinking that she's not going to throw you a good party, then she isn't someone that you really wanted to begin with.  You should have picked a better MOH and stop being so controlling.

Answer 8

If she's a Matron of Honor then she probably isn't as into the whole wedding thing anymore as she has been there, done that.  If she is anything like me, then at this point she is nervous to call you because you seem angry or irritated with her so she is avoiding the subject (not very healthy, I know!).  Try to have a heart to heart with her without being accusatory and just tell her why you chose her for this very special position in the most important day of your life and you just need to know if she will be able to do these things for you.  If you put it like that, she will either step up to the plate or at least feel a little more able to tell you No without feeling as though it is going to destroy the friendship.  Good luck!

Answer 9

You shouldn't have emailed her about it, you should have called her and told her your opinion.

With that said, you need to call her now and tell her what you said to her in the email. Tell her you are concerned about her showing up at your bridal shower and wedding, since she has stood you up before.

Answer 10

so... she was busy twice.  what's the problem again???  bridesmaids do have lives besides your wedding.  you sound like a bridezilla.  why don't you talk with her and not at her, and work out dates together taht you can both make.

Answer 11

Expecting your MOH to discuss wedding plans at your Engagement party is really silly on your part and I personally think you are just squawking for control.  It's my understanding that unless you are hosting the party, or are the guest of honor, attendance is optional.  Why would you wait a full 2 weeks waiting for someone to respond to an email?  Skip the email!  This is stuff you do by phone or in person!

Answer 12

you should call her and ask her to meet your for lunch or coffee. then during that ask her what is going on? give her the option to get out of it if one of your brides maids is willing to replace her spot