May be too soon to worry but i have to wonder...?

Question

my husband and i are currently staying at his parent's house while repairs are being made to ours. my sister-in-law and nephew ( he is 3 years old) come over everyday. he is allowed to do pretty much whatever he wants, and if he does something he shouldn't is rarely disciplined. my sister- in- law tries to discipline him AT TIMES and then my father and mother -in-law tell her not to. they say things like "come here baby" "or momma he is just a little baby" or they will seriously get angry at her for it. while all of this is none of my business, it is her child, not mine. i have to wonder about the future. my husband and i want children in the near future.i do not want my future children confused about discipline. i worry that they will not respect mine and my husbands decision regarding our children. i do not want my children to not be around them either, so what would be the best thing to do. i dont think i could keep my mouth shut if someone told me not to discipline my child. my husband and i are both on the same page when it comes to this.

also another problem i have is that i dont feel like our children would be treated the same anyway. my nephew has a bedroom and his own bathroom here as well as his house. the other four rooms in the house are already filled up, so i wonder if my child would be given the same respect. because i am almost positive they wouldnt make him share. this all may be stupid, but i needed to vent.

Answer 1

It sounds like a S****y situation. You're right, kids need discipline. But I think the main thing is that the parents have to set the bar. It sounds to me like your in-laws are doing their utmost to follow the kid's mum's lead, although obviously they feel the kid needs more discipline than he's getting. So on that note, I wouldn't be too worried about their disciplining of your kids. When it comes to your SIL, I think you need to make clear that you're gonna have your standards and, meaning no disrespect to her or her parenting, you want them followed insofar as your kids are concerned. Basically, that you'll respect her ways with her kid, if she'll respect yours with your kids. When it comes to the bedroom situation, that's ultimately gonna come down to your in-laws, but I doubt they'll love your kids any less than they love their existing grandson and hey, given he'll get discipline and learn to behave himself, they may even find him the easy one to deal with! I know my parents love my nephew to bits, and much as me and his dad don't see eye to eye, they'll love my kids just the same.

Answer 2

I think you have some very valid points. You and your husband need to speak up when you do have children and just be firm with his parents about your choices for discipline. They will be your children, and you will be the ones to have to live with them and their consequences, your in laws will not. If they refuse to respect your wishes, then maybe set down rules that the in laws will have to come to your house for visits, then it can be 'my house my rules'. It never fails to amaze me how grandparents suddenly forget all about discipline when it comes to their kids children! It's a difficult situation, and I don't think you are jumping the gun at all, by being concerned before you even have babies. It is a future concern, and a valid one. Good luck!