Maybe I should go to therapy, but I've been feeling a bit stressed lately. Please help. Its important.?

Question

My brother is 17 and should be getting ready for college. He is doing the complete opposite. I know, college is not for everyone, but its definitely for my brother. He's rather smart. But he just doesn't want to go. But I know he should because he can do so much in life, but he refuses to see it that way. Well, I do love my brother, and that's been really bothering me lately, that he doesn't want to go. He thinks he can make a living playing guitar. Now I know many people have done this, but, i think and my parents think, he should do that on the side of a real job, considering only a few people have made it. And now he has some crazy idea of getting a tattoo. I mean, I want one too, but my parents really don't want him to get one because it will effect the way employers look at him. My uncle, being an employer, says if there is a tattoo person who can a job as well as a tattoo person, he would pick the tattoo person. So theres something else thats going wrong. And he wants to dye his hair blue or green or something. I dunno. But my parents do not like that. They are more worried about the tattoo, because its permanent. And as i talked to my brother tonight he said something about the tattoo, where he wanted it. And i said 'Are you really going to get one? I mean hat will you think when your all wrinkely?" he responded, "Hopefully I'll be dead by then. Hopefully." My heart dropped. I really hated him now, but i still loved him. Dead? I wanted to scream at him. I thought iI was going to cry.

The biggest problem is the not wanting to go to college part that. I mean my parents were never strict, never. We were never grounded, because we didn't do anything that bad. We don't have a curfew. I mean my parents really do care, but thay are not strict whatsoever.

Being the little sister. this is hard on me. Watching this go on is horrible. I really want to scream at my brother, because hes being very selfish. If he doesn't go to college, not get a job cause of tattoos, and end up sitting on my parents couch all day, (which may lead to drugs and what not), I may never forgive him. I'm really stressed about everything right now. I'm venting i know, but i need help. Advise? Coping techniques? Comment? Anything, I'll use it. Serious answers please.

~Lots of thanks~

Answer 1

You need to first share your thoughts and feelings with your brother, privately, then have a family meeting and discuss them as a group, brother included.

Don't be defensive towards him, you cannot control him, only your own actions.  Some people need a year to realize the value of college, but if you appeal to him in a loving fashion and he still chooses to ignore you, have done your part.

The other realistic option is to have him attend community college part time and pursue his guitar and tattoo career in tandem.  Community college would be local and is less intensive.  It may be a viable compromise to being a full time student.  

Btw, it is cliche, but it's his life, and he's got to deal with the consequences, right?

Answer 2

tell him you support his hobby of playing guitar, but that if he had a real career, he could change the world. (doctors, lawyers, scientists, and teachers do it all the time).

Answer 3

You may never forgive him? That is pretty harsh, considering his "selfishness" you perceive is actually what he wants to do with his life, and this is play the guitar. If he ends up becoming a freeloader, then your parents can always give him a time limit to get on his feet. But you really are putting a lot of pressure on him. Let him find out for himself what he wants to do - I am sure he got the message loud and clear that lots of musicians flounder. Let him find himself, his dreams - maybe later he will decide on college when HE'S ready, in his own time. JOB is not everything. Being an 'employee' isn't everything. Stunting a person's passion is a real crusher, believe me. He will resent you for it. Support him in what he wants to do, but make it clear (your parents should), that he will have to contribute to the household. He will decide how he wants to do that. Hope this didn't sound too harsh. You sound like a very caring sister.

Answer 4

this is not to insult you or hurt your feelings.

Nothing here is about you.  It's all about your brother and what everyone thinks he should/ should not do.  Sure, he "should" go to college, but maybe he isn't ready.  That is typical.  Either way, he will work it out between him and your parents.  

It's ok to express an opinion.. then let it go.  He will always be your brother, and things will work out.  HE has to work it out.

You are WAY over reacting.  

Answer 5

my brothers didn't go to college I'm sad that they didn't

Answer 6

You and your parents are right about your brother. Is he afraid to go to college and won't admit it, or is he just really lazy or what? He sounds like he has no ambition at all, and like you said, will end up on the couch with no life. True, tattoos and "colorful" hair can kill your chances of getting hired at a decent workplace. Do you think you can calmly tell your brother how he is making you feel and how concerned you are for him? Do you think it would get through to him? He does need a kick in the butt, but I'm not sure how you could do it that wouldn't make him just rebel even more. Is he good enough with the guitar to make some money, like at weddings, etc.? I'm thinking he's the one that needs the therapy! Can you talk to your parents about what this is doing to you? Maybe a little group therapy would be of help? I wish I could tell you just what to do, but if he doesn't want to help himself, I don't know what can be done. I feel bad for you, but you're going to have to live your own life the best way you can and stay positive and set a good example, and just hope for the best. Maybe he will finally grow up and figure it out. Guys can be really immature. I wonder how Dr. Phil would handle this? I wish you and your whole family luck!