Me and 5 year old step daughter don't get along! HELP!!!

Question

Okay, so my husband of a little over three months has full custody of his daughter which is awesome. The sad part is her real mom dosn't call or even try to see her. Okay well here is the problem, when her dad is at work or not around she turns into like hitler or something. She becomes mean, disrespectfull,rolls her eyes at me, tells me no, and just won't listen, But when her dad is around she is all about me cuddly nice poilet like a little angel. She started calling me mom in January by herself and now she calls me mom all the time. I told her she didn't have to call me mom if she didn't want to but she says she wants to. What can I do so she don't have these different personalities . I am going crazy I need a help so bad!!!

Answer 1

You need to tell your hubby what's happening. He should not even question you're telling the truth. Being that she is so little and mom is out of the picture, I think you and hubby need to agree you should begin disciplining her as though she were your own.

Whether it's time outs, spanks, whatever, you must punish her for this disrespect. It's getting more and more common these days, due to lack of discpline/punishment. You don't want this to continue and worsen till you have a 16 yr old J.D. on your hands.

There is no reason for a 5 yr old to disrespect any adult, especially the lady of the house. Get this into her head ASAP.

Good luck.

Answer 2

She's 5 years old and testing you. Her behavior is actually pretty normal especially considering what she's been through basically being abandoned by her birh mother. Have you officially adopted her yet (if her b. mother's given up her rights)?

Have a calm talk with your husband when the child's in bed and asleep about her behavior when she's alone with you. Decide together on reasonable rules of behavior and consequences of breaking those rules that the two of you can agree on.  Right now this child needs stability and she needs to know that she's loved unconditionally no matter how badly she behaves. Part of both of those things is setting firm, fair, and enforceable boundaries so that she feels secure.

Answer 3

I would maybe video tape her without her knowing it. then show it to dad. If dad doesn't have a problem with it, i would start disiplining her during the day so she gets the idea that she can not play good /bad around her daddy. Spank the evil look out of her face. I don't think you would have to do it alot if you do it hard enough the first few times. put your foot down about disrespect and she will get it quick. esp if daddy is on your side and tells her that her behavior when he is not around is not to be tolerated. She is testing you. Don't fail it. Pass the test with authority and firmness.

I would n't worry about real mom, she is out of the picture. leave her there.

Answer 4

My husband and I were married when my daughter was two. She did this with him all the time. he kept telling me she was little Mrs. Hyde (dr jekell and mr hyde). I always thought he was making it worse then it was. Until one day I left for work and had to stop home later to get soemthing I forgot. I walked in the house and they didnt hear me- And boy or boy- I got a total Shock!! She was ten times worse then what he was telling me. I couldnt believe that was my child. I scared the c**p out of both of them when I started yelling at her for her beahvoir. Once she knew I was on to her game and that her behavior towards him was UNACCETPABLE from me, it got better. She is now 9 and she is still worse when I am not there, but its not like it was.

I would suggest working out something with her dad for him to sneak home so he can see her true colors. As a parent, I needed to see it for myself. Its great that he backs you up! If he can catch her behaving this way and disapline her for it, it holds a lot more clout then if you disaplined her! Good Luck!

Answer 5

LOL I feel you honey. My boyfriend's son is almost the same way. His dad spoils him so he thinks I will to guess....WRONG..my 4yr old is spoiled a little I will admit but I regret it so much now, but people have to realize that when it's your first child, you just bond so well and wanna run to them every second they scream. I would say bust her little butt and show her that you aren't going for it. Guarantee she will eventually stop

Answer 6

honey i know what you are going through, i have an 8 and 6 step kids and they are the same way they are nice when their dad is around and then they are terriable when hes not, and most recently they started to disrespect me and be rude when thier father is around( he didnt believe for the longest time) then he finally sat them down and told them that they will respect and listen to me and the next time when they didnt they got their butts spanked, stood in the corner, wrote me an appolige note, was not alloweed to play outside or with any games for a week, and guess what they respect me now!!

i would find a way to tape it or recorde her being rude and things and you need to show your husband or else he wont believe you and then tell him he needs to talk to her cause once she sees you have proof she wont get out of it, then i would just take her to do somethings that she likes(mall, movie, shopping ) whatever she wants, i wish you luck but remember dont let this get inbetween you and your husband!!

Answer 7

Little girls can be mean little devils so here is what she is doing to you. She treats you nice when her dad is around because she knows she will get in trouble by him if he see's the way she has been acting. So have a conversation with your husband about what she has been doing while he is not around. Ask your husband to act like he is away somewhere and have him hide. Then she will think he is gone and show her little hitler side. After she is caught with this behavior punish her by taking one of her favorite toys and tell her she can get it back when she stops this unexceptable behavior. Make it a new rule that everytime she acts that way one of her toys will be taken away for one week. Do not spank her as this only enforces the behavior worse!

Answer 8

This is a kid with some serious issues.  I think that the three of you are in need of family counselling.  Five year old kids usually don't have enough guile to be two faced, the fact that your daughter is acting badly in private is a good indication that she has some problems that need to be addressed.  I believe that you should seek counselling as a family because this is a problem that all three of you are going to have to address.