Me and my gf are gonna get married but we might have a problem?

Question

We already moved all our stuff out of our parents house. We moved in with my cozen, and they have a 2 month old baby. My gf just just recently had a miscarrage. She was tacking care of the baby a little bit today, and earlyer I was talking with her and she looked like she wanted to cry. she didn't cry in front of me, but I could tell she wanted to. I dont know what to do. Please help me?

Answer 1

I have been in a similar situation. Me and my fiance had a miscarriage about two months ago and went out to lunch where I saw a baby and basically broke down. The emotions of having a miscarriage are wild and when you go through them you dont know exactely how to morn because you never really met the baby. Obviously, taking care of the baby reminds her of what she lost. Have an open conversation with her about it sometime in the near future so you can both talk about it and be a shoulder to cry on. She might need a good listener. Offer to take care of the kid instead of her doing it for a week or two and baby her allot! A miscarriage is a horrible thing for a guy but it is much worse for the woman.Be prepared for emotions when you discuss it and make sure you reaffirm that you love her and still think the world of her. Sometimes us girls tend to blame ourselves for things that we have no control over so assure her that it wasnt her fault. Hope this helps!

Answer 2

You did not mention your age and that would influence my answer somewhat.

All good relationships are founded on open and honest communications.  You should start by telling her that you know that her emotions are all mixed up after the miscarriage (and particularly after she is taking care of another baby).

You should be ready to comfort her and, if she cries, you should be all the more understanding and gentle with her.  Put your arms around her and hug her until she stops crying and then help her wash the tears from her face.

There is nothing wrong with telling one another how you feel and what you are thinking...after all, we are not mind readers.

Good luck.

Answer 3

she is feeling the loss of her child. When she helps with you cousin's baby it might make her think about the child she lost.

it sounds like depression. the best thing for her is your love and support the just be understanding.

she can talk to a grief  councilors that will help her work through her loss.

but once again please be supportive and understand she will need that from you.

Answer 4

she thinking of the baby you two lost. that is  one of the hardest thing a women can go through. ask her, if she thinks about it? tell her you do, wonder what he/she would be like. this girl is in a world of hurt. talk to her , tell her it is alright. and sit and listen. pour your heart out. about your feelings. it was your child to. this will likely make you closer. im so sorry for your lose. your in my thoughts

Answer 5

you girlfriend is going through alot right now with her miscarriage and her seeing and spending time with someone elses baby has to be extremely hard for her. I would let her have her time alone right now and casually bring up if there is anything that she would like to talk about. Let her know that you would be there for her for anything and she always has a shoulder to cry on. But, don't push the subject. Let her talk when she is ready too. I am sure that things will work out. And Congratulations on your wedding and Good Luck through the years.  

Answer 6

She's still in mourning of your lost child and taking care of your cousin's baby made her remember of what was she just lost. Just be there for her and give her your understanding and love. Comfort her that perhaps the baby is not meant to be at this time.

Answer 7

Considering your girlfriend just had a miscarriage, I think it was a terrible idea to move into a home that has a baby in it. Didn't you think about how that would make her feel? That's got to be the worst place next to a daycare for her to be staying while trying to get over her misfortune. Stay somewhere else and comfort her. Tell her it's okay for her to cry in front of you. She needs time, but it might hurt forever for her to think about it.

Answer 8

I am sorry to hear that your engagement has been marred by such a tragic event, unfortunately it is a roadblock you two will have to overcome. I don't think at all that this is a sign that you should post pone things, it is going to be very hard on your girl friend especially with the baby being so near. You must obviously be pretty tuned into her emotions to see that she was in pain when she was trying to hide it. There isn't much you can physically do to help her. My advice would be to reassure her that you love her and are there for her and that she doesn't have to face these things alone anymore. That you are choosing to be her partner and you want to share lives with her, even the parts of life that aren't the easiest. My husbands most powerful tool in comforting me is a hug, a real hug where he holds me in his arms and kisses me on the forehead and I know that no matter what lies in our path, I don't have to face it alone. Next time you see her in distress just hold her, it really is one of natures best remedies for emotional pain.

Answer 9

Well, first I think you need to consider not living with your cousins for ever.

Also - be careful for a bit, she probably shouldn't get pregnant again right away.

Third, talk to her - and really listen to her answers. She's upset and it will take a while to get over this. Be considerate and supportive.

Best of luck!

Answer 10

ask her if its going to be uncomfortable living there. but tell her that you are there for her and that she shouldn't be afraid to come to you if she is feeling sad. miscarriages are very sad for everyone but always try to cheer her up. but if it still bothers her maybe it would be a better idea to move somewhere else. just until she feels better. but with your help and emotional support it might be ok. just make sure you give her lots of love and help her be positive about the future.  

Answer 11

It is probably because of the miscarriage. That can be really hard on a girl.

Or it could be that you guys have to live with other people, your cousin.

All it can do is talk to her. Honesty is the best in a relationship!

Answer 12

yes problems may arise in married life... the wisdom i want to share is be committed to each other and remain faithful no matter what... I also recommend you to pray constantly..

Answer 13

dont have a baby u arent ready plust u live with someone else it will be harded for give the baby its wants and needs i say u just tell her how u feel and before you try and have a baby u should have a place on my own

Answer 14

Why does she want to cry?

Anyways, if you see her like that then comfort her. Tell her that everything will be okay,etc,etc.

Answer 15

A miscarriage can be just like a child dying after birth...it is very traumatizing to the mom.  Be there for her, comfort her, and reassure her that you will have a baby in the future!  I'm praying for you!

Answer 16

Do whatever you can to comfort her, bring her flowers, hug her lots, etc. Maybe you guys should consider adoption.

Answer 17

just reassure her and let her know that you will stand by her no matter what.  She is mourning the loss.

Answer 18

its tough holding a child after what she has been through. she is thinking that could be her child.or how it would be if.let her know you love her.even more so till this passes.it takes time.it will pass.be sure you let her know that you dont think it was her fault.let her know you understand.and support her.im so sorry for your loss.take care.

Answer 19

Seems that when she was caring for the baby , her own miscarriage brought out her pain - All you can do is gently cajole her to open up and if she cries , you can tell her you understand and  know the  reason for her being upset( the baby of your cousin) and that both of you are young and will soon be married and you both can start making a new baby! Tell her sometimes its natures way of aborting a fetus if there is a problem with the fetus like some very major health ones retardation, and so many others so to have faith & hope and soon both of you will be blessed with a healthy baby too-She needs support and a lot of cuddling

Answer 20

Ask her if its too hard on her emotionally bein garound the baby. If it is than find somewhere else to live. Girls take this stuff alot harder than guys do for obvious reasons. keep talking to her about it

Answer 21

Oh geez...if this gets you all worked up, I would consider waiting a looong time to get married.  

Answer 22

Maybe moving in with your cousin and a 2 month old wasn't the best idea ever. Most women become depressed after a miscarriage, and she might pull herself out of this. Be supportive and let her talk about it. But if you are going to get married, you should probably find a place of your own.

Answer 23

Joe,

This was a sad moment for her. I know alot about relationships and this was a sign. She was sad about her miscarrage. one thing you needed to do was hold her. Let her know that she can cry in front of you, If she was to have started crying you wouldve had to hold her and whipe her tears away. Never and i mean NEVER let her cry alone.

Good Luck

Love Wiz

Answer 24

i have had a miscarriage before and its not easy if it was a recent occurrence being around an infant is hard to deal with, i wasn't able to go around my niece for about 2 months cuz i cried everytime i did, let her know that you are there for her if she needs to talk or needs comfort, don't ever push her away or ignore her if she gets like that. let her know that u love her regardless if it happened.

Answer 25

you sound really sweet, a good guy. just be there for her to listen. start by asking her hows she's doing, how she's feeling about everything and just listen. ask questions about how she feels about things and it should open up a lot. the hardest part is just to listen and not offer advice or tell her how to feel or what to do.just listen. she will appreciate so much having someone to talk to about it.

Answer 26

Dont be a wimp, talk to her about it and tell her what was on yoru mind

Answer 27

Sometimes situations happen for a reason.  Now that you are both in this situation you can now deal with the negative emotions associated with her (and your) loss.  It is best not to keep these emotions hidden away.  I would use this as an opportunity to talk to her about her feelings and possible assure her that the right time will be in the future for her to have a baby?  Good luck!

Answer 28

A miscarriage can be very emotional even years after. She's going to be sensitive and will probably cry many more times. It's extremely unfortunate. I don't think this should affect your marriage or whether or not you should continue with your marriage plans. If you two are ready for a child you should try again when you're ready. She may not be ready emotionally to deal with, god forbid, another miscarriage. Talk with her and when you both agree you're ready for another go then that is your time. She will more than likely cling to the baby you're living with because of her miscarriage. If you plan on living together on your own, away from your cousin, then it might be a good idea to not let her get too emotionally involved with your cousin's baby. This is a tough situation, best of luck.  

Answer 29

i don't think thats a good idea...if she just lost a baby....it may sadden her to be around another baby without bringing up those feelings and her own lost

Answer 30

Look the reason shes not crying in front of you is because she wants to be strong but i mean you have to comfort here and since theres a baby in th epicture it would be a complete mess to leave that baby going from one house to the other every weekend so try to get married but just think about your child

Answer 31

dude give her a hug and ask her whats wrong or talk to her about how you wanted to have a baby, your about to get married you should already know what to do