Me and my kids father?

Question

Me and my kids father being living together for 8 months know but we are not together. We have three beautiful kids together and he also has a son. Anyway when we started living together it was fine he got up with when the kids woke up in the middle of the night we have twin girls they are 8 months and a 1 year old. He was fine with getting up with the kids. But as the months went by things started changing see we lived together before that was like five years ago way before we have kids. Anyway things were changing he started not coming home at night he didn't want to get up with kids no more he just stopped doing stuff we argue over every little thing. One time he said that he hate me but a couple days later I said something to him about it and he said he just said that to make me mad but he didn't make me mad he made me sad. So know eight months has passed and it's the same he says he don't have to come there every night we are not together we haven't slept together since February. We don't even sleep in the same bed. I know he has other women he sometimes be leaving his cell phones around so I be looking at his texts and it was one girl that was like "Do you love me". But that's not the first text that I have read and it was some girl on there talking about a relationship. His best friend girl friend works for sprint and me and her became friends and she got me a copy of his phone list there were so many women. But he don't want me to talk to other people I can't have nobody come over but I told him remember we are not together. Not only do I really care about but I take care of his other son and in plus my three I treat him like he was mine. Why want he leave I have told him to leave my house several times but he want go know were. Why want he leave me alone he dose not want to built a family and he's 30 years old. What do I need to do. He has an attitude like he really doesn't care about nothing he's not a sensitive guy when I first met him it's like he cared about my feelings know he don't.

Answer 1

Your wasting your time trying to make things work with him, you must go and file for custody of your children and then give him visitation rights as he is the father of his children. Then tell him that he is not allowed to come to your house anymore, when it is is dates to see his children he must take them out and do something with them that is if he wants to be a father to them. Like this your life becomes your life once again. Your not getting younger and the older you get the less chances of you finding someone who loves you as well as your kids decreases. STOP WASTING TIME AND TELL HIM HE IS OUT OF YOUR LIFE FOR GOOD.

Answer 2

I believe that he cares about you.

You are the mother of his children, and the caregiver to his son from another relationship.

He respects you enough not to sleep with you while he is sleeping with other women.

The problem is that he is not "in love" with you.

He is not going to walk away because he cares for you and the kids.

The problem is that he believes that he can continue on this way without consequences.

He does not understand that this will end very negatively if he does not "man up" and learn to be honest about all of this, not just with you, but with himself.

He will continue on this way until you create boundaries, and enforce them.

ie. I will/will not accept this

You need to start being honest with yourself.

He is not going to change because you have allowed this behavior for quite some time.

Facts:

There is no intimacy

He sleeps with other women

He has stopped participating as a father

He has stopped participating as a boyfriend

Arguing has gave you no solutions

Snooping has only confirmed the obvious

Options:

You can sit him down and tell him that you have decided to move on. You can ask him to participate financially and to help raise the kids with you as friends

or

You can tell him that he has __ days to remove his belongings.

Either way, this relationship is over.

Staying with him while he cheats and ignores responsibility will only allow him the opportunity to continue on & possibly impregnate you again.

The last thing that you need is to have more children with him under these conditions.

If you stand up for yourself, he will have no choice but to respect you.

Best wishes