Mean Girls at Cheer Class - what to do?

Question

My dd is 7 and just joined a competitive cheer squad at a new gym. She loves the idea of cheering - but she has been crying lately because she says the girls are all friendly with each other already and none of them include her. My dd is so cute and so sweet - but she is shy. I feel so badly for her. I mentioned the problem to the coach - but I don't feel she is doing anything to help my daughter. I hate to pull her out of cheer over a social issue - but I can't her practicing 8 hours a week with a bunch of little mean girls. And it kills me to see my dd so uspet.

Answer 1

just because they don't talk to her doesn't make the other girls mean. she needs to socialize more. tell her to say hi and introduce herself and a conversation should start from their. thats what everyone else does. she shouldn't expect people to always talk to her first.

Answer 2

I think you need to be fair here. You said the other girls aren't being unpleasant, they just know each other already. So why are you describing them as mean? Maybe they are shy of new people too!

If I were you I would try to speak to some of the parents. Tell them that your daughter is struggling to introduce herself and ask if they can help. At that point one of two things will happen. Either they'll turn their noses up at you (in which case pull her out and find a friendlier squad) or they'll talk to their daughters and encourage them to make friends. Often they just need a push. I know I used to find that my daughter was really nervous of talking to new people at the ice rink, even when she wanted to, but if I got involved and told her that the little girl over there was new and looked like she could use a friend to talk to, she'd do it. And once one did it, all the rest would too.

Answer 3

Have your daughter bake cookies or cupcakes with you, and bring them in for the cheerleading class, let her brag she made them with you.

Extra points if you let her write or draw pictures on the cupcakes with frosting, or you let her choose the type of cookies.

Kids are kids -- snacks rule their lives. C'mon, who didn't love the kid who bought them icecream with their icecream money?

Answer 4

she is 7...is it really worth it? How about gymnastics? Or swimming. find another interest or  work on senarios with her to over come her shyness. Have her act out conversations with these girls. She will ned to overcome her shyness, talk to them and may find out they are really nice. What do the girls at her school in her class do? Maybe it is worth finding out if they cheer somewhere and move her to there

Answer 5

Yikes, not fun :(

Maybe see if yall could invite one girl out for ice cream or to a movie, kinda help your daughter make a friend?

Answer 6

try putting her in a younger group

Answer 7

Agh, that's never good.

Maybe you and your daughter can throw sort of like a cheer party, or she can ask one of the other girls to help her with her tumbling or jumps.

You can always try talking to the coach again.

Tell your daughter that if they know that it bothers her, they'll keep doing it. I know how it feels to be shy and have people pick on you, but as long as yo ubelieve in yourself, things will get better.

Do the girls say anything rude to her, or just exclude her?

If they say anything mean to her, you definitely need to find out what they're saying and report it to the coach AND those girl's parents.

Definitely try to tell their parents about this.

Like I said, have a cheer party, and when you're talking to the parents about it, say,

"Hey, my daughter and I thought it would be fun to have a party for all the cheer girls. Maybe they can help each other with tumbling and stuff. It'll be lots of fun. Do you think your daughter would like to come? I know they're not the best of friends, but I think that this would be a great experience for them."

Hope everything works out!

Answer 8

if its cheer squad, just help her make one up and then have her tell the girls she wants to show them what she  thought of an let her do her cheer. after shes done, let her ask for suggestions from the others and they will be more social with her.

Answer 9

I have a great idea. I understand completely because I am not the social type and I am learning to get out of my comfort zone and take the first step to make friends. You can help her by putting her in the limelight. Cheer is so much fun and it's so girly. So why not stretch that and do girly activities together as a group. Could you possibly schedule a party for all the girls at your house? Or maybe do a mother daughter day with all the girls and their mothers? Maybe you can talk to the other mothers and work something out. You might have to put yourself into the limelight first and then surely and slowly transfer your limelight to your daughter. You be the social set up person who makes all the activities and parties happen but then let her take the credit for it. Can you buy your daughter "in-things" that will bring attention to her and have kids asking "oh, where did you get that it's cute" and then maybe she can bring some for the other girls so she can share and they all can have this cute thing...it can be bracelets, ear rings, gadgets etc. But don't let her be s****. or think she's all that with the things but just make it so it grabs others people attention and allows her to talk to them about it and share with others.

Answer 10

I suggest one of the party ideas from above. But before that, befriend a couple of the mothers so an invitation isn't too upfront and random. Good luck!

Answer 11

Since you say the girls aren't actually mean, then I wouldn't take your daughter out of the class.  She just needs to learn how to assert herself in a group, and that isn't easy with older kids, especially in an unfamiliar environment.  How about letting her host a party for the cheer group in your home?  With the home field advantage, she'll feel more comfortable, and after spending some time with your daughter doing something she likes to do, the other girls will have a way to bond with her.

Answer 12

There isn't much you can do. Let your daughter cheer since she loves that part of it, and with any luck she will come out of her shell soon. Since none of them are picking on her or being mean to her, there's nothing to be bent out of shape about. Yes, I'm sure it hurts you some. What did you expect the coach to do? MAKE the other kids become friends with her? That would likely make them resent your daughter. I would give it time.......kids tend to work these issues out on their own. She needs to be the one to make the first step to talk to the other girls though if no one else is doing it. Encourage her to be strong and confident.....that's part of what cheer is all about!

EDIT~~I just LOVE the responses you've had since my post. Some are obviously not parents. It is NOT always possible to put a kid in a younger age group for cheer. Where we are, only 2 girls went out for it in first grade, that's it. (a large part of that was cost I'm sure, it's not cheap) Then the girls varied in age to Jr high. The 1st-5th graders were in one group for practice & performances, 6-8th in another.

As for taking her out of this to do a DIFFERENT sport, that doesn't teach her anything and it's taking her out of something you've said she enjoys doing. Social situations don't change because the event changed. I wish people would read your entire post before responding!

Good luck!