Measurement of success, a Poem for your comment?

Question

Another free form oldie - happy to receive your corrections

Measurement of success

Go on

have a guess

How many feet

crossed that line

trod this passage

stood on this patch

felt the nakedness of carpet

been de-liberated

then quickly imprisoned

felt the shame of publicity

and the glamour of newness

been squeezed and tortured

given room they don’t need

looked at themselves in fancy dress

with a critical eye

been pampered and lied to

been convinced and satisfied

tried and failed and tried

and failed

Guess

how many feet

between

profit and success

fit and failure

choice and reward

bargain and decision

how many halves

compared to wholes

how many fractions

to the right number

how many eyes

have stared

lifeless

how many tongues

have remained silent

how many rejections

how much disinterest

how much impulse

how many feet

between a sale and a loss

How many soles have you sold today?

Answer 1

I answered one of your last questions, about a poem that 'went' to Bohemian Rhapsody - that you didn't bother to answer.....................................

Answer 2

wow!

Answer 3

so many comparisons. poems like that really work well. the form u used is also well done. and the last line how many soles of u sold, makes u think not only of shoe soles but of human souls this hidden link asks an interesting question. Well done

Answer 4

Veeery interesting.  Your final question has a Converb in it.  Think about it.....

Answer 5

I don't know enough about poetry to criticize your writing, but I shall never look at the clerks in the shoe department in the same way. You have elevated that which seemed mundane to me before.