Meddling Stepfather?

Question

My stepdad is constantly making unneeded comments and giving me unwanted advice. He constantly butts in when i am having a conversation with my mother. Once we were at wendys and i asked my mom would she buy me a tea with raspberry syrup in it. She said ok seeing as it was only 1.99 my stepdad went nuts and made a big deal out of it. He has even made comments about me wearing thong underwear(why my underwear is any of his business ill never know). He always makes comments about my past boyfriends(as far back as highschool) and what was wrong with them(they were a different race,they did this ect ect ect). He has even said I wasnt going to get a husband because i said i would be mad if my husband never helped me around the house.He even made a mean comment about how overweight he thought one of my friends was. When i was in college i would only have to hear him running his mouth and putting in his two cents worth when i went home for the weekend. I graduated in may and moved back home while i try to find a job i have to hear his mouth every d**n day. We went to walmart last night and I was buying clothes to wear on various job interviews. The whole time he was picking things up saying "why dont you buy this?" "why don't you buy that?" He was talkig so much i could barely think. My mom says hes ignorant and trying to be a father and doesn't know how. I don't need a father im well into my twenties and i dont need him butting in all the time. He constantly acts as if I never know what i am doing. When i am making dinner hes always making comments about "make sure its cooked all the way" lve been cooking since i was 12 and i dont need his input. My question is how do i get my stepdad to stop being so d**n meddlesome?

Answer 1

Not to belittle your posistion, but be greatful he's your step dad and not real dad. I have to deal with this kind of BS from my real dad. Things like. "if you don't lose weight your husband is going to leave you" (were a size 10, not skinny but not horably fat either).

The best advice I can give is make sarcastic comments back. Things like, Don't you like you chicken pink? Umm Saminla!

If he's picking out a very conservative top for you for an interview grab a slinky S****y looking thing bearly more then a bra with a good comment "well if my brains don't get me the job..."

I give you this advice because here I am 27 and I still can not stand up to my dad and tell him to mind his own business, so this is how I go about it. I know its not the best way, but it does work a bit. If nothing else you have a chance at getting under his skin too. Granted, I do not live with my parents and I try to avoid even talking to my father.

Answer 2

Sounds to me like the only chance you have is through your mom. You'll need to tell her that you'd like to spend more time - alone - with her only. Then, when you and her have the alone time, maybe you can gently let her know that your step-father annoys you when he gets into your business.

However, this being said, he is your moms husband and has obviously been around for many years (thru your High School and College days) -so, it appears that you just may have to bite your tongue and deal with him until you can get out.

Out of respect for your mother and her life, I do not think it would be right to start fights with your step-father. Try to ignore him and spend as little time around him by being out of the house as much as possible.

Answer 3

As a stepdad myself, I'd suggest you ask him to have a sit down with you and your mom about some ground rules. Start by making it clear you feel that you've moved into adulthood (college grad, job seeker) and that you feel confident to make decisions about your own life. Do this calmly, without a lot of emotion in your voice.

If this is a hard thing to imaging yourself doing, take some time to ensure you aren't harboring feelings of resentment and anger towards him. Sure, he's behaving in a way you don't like, but can you hold some compassion for his efforts to be a father? It might help if you examine your own beliefs about what a father is. How do you define "father"?

Find ways to politely yet confidently state to him that you appreciate his efforts and concern, but that you are at a place in life where you feel it is better to make your own choices as an adult. Let him know you appreciate that he makes himself available for advice and counsel because you're still a young adult, and bound to need a little help now and then as you move towards full independence.

He may not be able to appreciate what you're saying, but that's the best you can do. You can't force a person to change their behavior. You can only alert them to the effect their behavior has, and then trust them to be mature enough to change on their own. If he doesn't, he may have some unresolved issues that he's working on through his interactions with you. If a strong family unit is important to you, perhaps a family therapist should be brought in, but that's an issue to discuss as a family.

Answer 4

i say u tell him out it might be strange at first but u need to do it