Meekness/Kindness in dating?

Question

I was reading a blog on why being nice isn't always "nice" in a relationship btw 2 people, specifically on the woman's part. One man writes this:

"Certain types of niceness aren’t in my experience appreciated by most men - excessive meekness, always wanting the women to make decisions etc." hence, the stereotype that men like b*tches (pardon my French).

I'm a very traditional young woman (20) studying English in university & I would like to be courted for the long-term relationship. I am also interested in a young man (24) right now but I'm afraid that some men in general will not appreciate my kindness & take it for weakness instead.

What do you think?

Answer 1

Men, like women, have wildly different tastes and preferences in what they're looking for in a romantic partner, and even an individual's interests can change dramatically over time as he or she matures and acquires relationship experience.

Some men, likely 'traditionalists' such as yourself, will be looking for someone just like you: someone who looks to them for protection and guidance and puts themselves secondarily in all things - it's probably this sort of man you should be focusing your attention on if that's what you're looking for.

I should mention, as an aside, that the 'stereotype that men like b*tches' is both inaccurate and offensive; while it might be true that some men like abusive, selfish, rude women (just as some women like abusive, selfish, rude men), I would suggest that they're in the extreme minority and more importantly point out that there are more than the two categories of women in the world; that is, it's possible to neither be a sycophantic pushover nor a b*tch, but simply a decent human being who operates on suggestions and understanding, not leaders and followers.

Answer 2

As the poster in that blog suggested, no mentally healthy man wants to spend eternity with a wet dishrag as a companion.  "Meek" creeps people out.   Do you like it when you shake a stranger's limp, lifeless hand? What impression does it give?

"Ewwwwwwww" is the impression people get.  NOBODY likes it.

The man wants a wife, a life partner - not a helpless, dependent child.  There will be time for those later, and all hands will need to be on deck to cope.  Adult hands.   Sending out "dishrag" vibes is decidedly un-s**y, and it puts mentally healthy guys right off.

Mentally healthy people are attracted to other mentally healthy people.  

If you give people the "ok" to take advantage of you, they will tend to do precisely that.  Get used to it, that's life.  Being "nice" has nothing to do with acting like a wet dishrag.

Answer 3

If your with someone who does that your with he wrong person.

Also don't make to much of it. Your in greater danger of changing your self into something your not with reading stuff like that.

Your better of learning about how to be you, and making that work in your life. Rather than being concerned about how people will take it.

Personally I'd rather be stubbornly me, than wondering how best to act to always get what I want. ..... see the point of contrition I trying to point out there? Life may seem long enough to play such games - trust me its not.

If for you being able to be polite and 'nice' whilst standing there and saying your point, standing your ground (not being moved to something you dont want/believe in, or similar) is you - then great. Do not be afraid of this. But do be aware that not all people - even not all those you find attractive, may be the best match for you. Dont fear this either.

For if the best match were so easy to find, would they so truly be of such a high value? And how different do you think this world would be?

Be you, be truly strong, not faux strong.

It will make finding the right way in life (for you) all the sweeter.

Answer 4

kindness is making him soup when he's sick. weakness is letting him use half your paycheck to fuel his gambling habit.

the two are so very different. you can be a loving, caring woman and not be a total pushover. the whole "men love btches" line is complete BS and most people know it. men don't want mean, abrasive women- they do, however, appreciate women who know their own mind and value their own happiness.

go after this man if you like him. make your demands known, but consider his feelings as well. this is how you balance the two.

Answer 5

In my opinion it is a beautiful trait.  I couldn't imagine not appreciating it.

Answer 6

Always be true to your own values.  Any man who misinterprets them is not worth having.  Everyone appreciates kindness.