Meeting My father for the first time in 8 years, and i do not know what to do, help?

Question

I'm 15 years old and i will be meeting my biological father for the first time in 8 years tomorrow. I am the first out of 7 children from different mothers. He wasn't a great guy when i was younger, he was a big drug head and did a lot of horrible things when i was younger. I have no idea how to handle it or what i should say to him. I really need some advice.

Answer 1

- Walk up to him

- Wait until HE says something. If he says Hi, say hi back. If he hugs you, it's your choice if you want to be hugged back.

- Ask him those questions, you need to before you get all cozy.

Why wouldn't you get in touch dad? Why were you on drugs, didn't you care about us at all? Why couldn't you at least send me a birthday card, or can't you remember my birthday? Etc.

Good luck, just let the feelings flow naturally. PLEASE post how it went on here, I wanna see how you did! Shannon xx

Answer 2

Let him start the conversation and go from there.  When you first see him, shake his hand.  I don't think he will expect a hug.

Be polite to him.  If he ask about your life tell him nicely not sarcastic.  Don't go blaming him for what he did to you for he already knows that.

Good luck, hope all goes well for both of you.    

Answer 3

well im 17 years old and im a foster girl. i havent seen my dad scince i was 4 years old, hes a big alcholic and did horrible things too. and has kids with other woman... i havnt seen him, but if i had the chance to.. just keep it cool, hes your father and regardless what he did your here cus of him...good luck kiddo

Answer 4

Let him talk first..he's probably just as scared as you are....Ask him what he's been doing for 8 yrs......depending on what he says and the way he acts..you should be able to ask him questions....why did you do drugs...why was you so mean to me...why haven't you cared enough to call me every once in a while....why didn't you send me a birthday card....If he's not on drugs any more...he be able to tell you everything....Just remember to breath...it's normal to be afraid of not knowing what will happen

Answer 5

He didn't give a d**n about you, so don't give a d**n about him. Just say hi and that's enough.

Answer 6

have you spoke on phone. it might be easier if you did first. try not to be angry with him. after a few meetings you still dont like him. cut ties.

Answer 7

well it will depend on how you feel about him.

A) you want to meet him, you want to forgive him and have a relationship with him and leave things behind

or

B) you don't forgive him and you will stay with the past and form no sort of relationship with him.

I suggest you to go with A. You're still young but remember he's your father and grabbing on to the past, means you are not obviously accepting what happened. I suggest, meet him, and talk about what happened a long time ago. He may have a explanation, but not an excuse. If he has changed, (not a druggie anymore) and he is willing to make sacrifices, do form a relationship with him.

the last thing you want to do  is push him away again and regret it.

Be cool. Do talk about the past, the present and the future. Don't think of him as a criminal or a bad man or a dad but as just a man. Ask his perspectives, and his plans for life and if that includes you.