Men: Sexual Compatibility?

Question

I have a question.

How did you and your spouse discuss s*x w/ each other? Did you find that you were sexual compatible easily?

I'm not interested in wheither you had relations b/f marriage. I'm just interested in knowing did the subject ever come up in normal discussion during dating and or premarital counseling.

I've just gotten divorced from a 14 yr marriage. One of the bones that I contended with was she didn't cut it in the bedroom. It wouldn't have been a problem w/ me if other areas in our marriage would have been better. s*x for me was icing on the cake. It wasn't the only thing. We had not done anything b/f marriage and she was a virgin when we went to our marriage bed.

But suffice to say that I wanted to do things w/ her that she didn't want to do. and not doing these things made me feel rejected. It wasn't dangerous or demeaning or anything. It just was that I liked to get pretty crazy. Basically I'm a freak in bed.

Now for my next relationship whenever that comes, I want to be up front and rationally discuss what I like to do.

Is this normal? Has anyone had a conversation like this? Did you talk about it w/ your fiance or girlfriend b/f you got married. Did you go to premarital counseling. We did but did not discuss this aspect very well (I mistakenly assumed that everyone liked it as much as I did....haha)

Answer 1

Definitly you need to discuss and make sure that someone will be open for whatever, but just remember to have an open mind too. Some women are real freaks these days and can show open your eyes to things that may of been your substance lacking. I wish I wouldnt of showed all my moves so soon in our relationship after our four years together I still got the same material, I;m more creative, but he still doesnt listen to what I want. Make sure to ask a woman if that is what they want.

Answer 2

Absolutely!  I talk about s*x with girlfriends very early in getting to know them.  By the second or third date, some sexual topics should definitely be brought up.  And you shouldn't need pre-marital counseling to talk about it because clearly you enjoy s*x (as most people do) and you should both want to talk about s*x.  Heck I've talked about s*x with girls in clubs after having only known them a couple of hours.  It's not a big deal - most people are interested in the topic.

Here's a rule of thumb, if you are uncomfortable talking about s*x, maybe you need to come to terms with something in yourself and get comfortable bringing it up and talking about it openly.  If your partner isn't comfortable even talking about s*x, don't expect her to suddenly be amazing in bed.

Answer 3

No discussion before it was all assumed and YES that can cause trouble.  I have a wonderful lover as a wife BUT frequency is something we have never been compatible with!  I want it once a day and she would be fine with once a month.  I was ready for multiple times a day on our honeymoon but we only had s*x 4 times in 9 days on our honeymoon.  Our first year of marriage was difficult in that area and it took a year or two to get to a place that we accepted each others "sexual drives".  I will never understand her low drive and she will never understand my high drive BUT we accept each other and she tries to get in the mood once a week for me and I don't nag and complain and beg for s*x (real turn off for her).  BUT when we do have s*x she is always willing to try new things and in our almost 12 years together s*x has actually gotten better (but not more frequent)!

SO would a discussion have changed my marriage plans?  NO

Answer 4

Prouddad, it is not unusual to discuss these things while courting, and in as much depth as decency will allow.  It is important to establish if you and your mate will be on the same page on this and other marital matters as well.  After all, the two must become one - sexually, emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually.  Sorry that things didn't work out in your first marriage, God bless you to be successful this go-round, if it's His will for you to do that again.  Pray for your ideal soul-mate and He will help you find the right person.

Answer 5

i think it is necessary to discuss it.  i did with my hubby.  we discussed our turn ons and our turn offs.  it helped cuz when the time came, it made the performance fun.  we were both willing to please each other.  

Answer 6

Yes we discussed it.  Very frankly and openly (after tearing each others clothes off in the kitchen a few times)  We set our boundaries which is pretty braod and mutually agreeable.  For example it would not have worked if ny wife were one of those that thinks certain parts of my skin (or hers) are "dirty" and other parts of the same skin are OK.  Strange thoughts I think.  We give ourselves to each other completely and will do anything to please the other with only two exceptions...No physical injury and no other people, it is one on one for us.  It was essential for me that my wife be this way.  I simply could not live in a marriage where my WIFE would reject certain pieces of my body or hers.  No acceptable.  There is nothing about her or me that is dirty, dangerous, poisonous, or anything else.  There is nothing a man can do with his wife that is "wrong", "g*y", or disrespectful.  Giving your wife or husband pleasure with your body is not disrespectful.  

We even discussed desired frequency (every day, as much as possible) and things she likes and I like.  We do our best to please each other as best we can.  And we decided that if one wants something, we should get it from each other, not someone else.  

I can tell you this, I wouldn't think for one minute of cheating.  What for?  Worse s*x with a less attractive woman?  Are you kidding me?

Answer 7

UGH!!! Too much reading.

Answer 8

been there now I am here: Me and my Fiancee just clicked when we met. We talked about everything pretty openly. I think that not just s*x, but intimacy are both equally important to a relationship. She is the exact same way.

With out going too far into it, we ar eboth very happy with both of those departments in our relationship.

Answer 9

you need to have the conversation before definitly. me and my aprtner didnt its just works out they we are equal

Answer 10

Did you try and help her feel comfortable?  Did you try and educate her with helpfull, loving, and relationship building items versus slapping in a p**n DVD and saying "DO IT!"? Why didn't YOU talk to her before the marriage?

You have to look inside yourself to ge the answer.  

Answer 11

Not all women are p**n stars. There are certain things my wife doesn't do when we have s*x. NEVER push the envelope or you'll be doing the hand jive for a long time.

You can't make a woman do something she's uncomfortable with no matter how much fun you think it is.

Answer 12

Me and my husband did talk to one another before we had s*x.  I think it is healthy.  He is a freak as well but I love it.  If the other isn't into some things then you can either say goodbye or find something else to please one another.