Men: are you the victim of domestic violence without even knowing it?

Question

Men: does your partner do either of the following to you?

- "Persistent verbal abuse e.g. constant unreasonable criticism".

- "Excessive contact e.g. numerous telephone calls to check

someone’s whereabouts” (http://www.cps.gov.uk/publications/docs/DomesticViolencePolicy.pdf p.34).

According to the UK government either of these are legitimate grounds to prosecute for domestic violence. They are aimed against men, but if men prosecuted using these criteria how many women would be spending the night in jail tonight?

Men: by either of the above criteria are you the victim of domestic violence?

Answer 1

Yes, verbally abusive parents can abuse their sons.

I've heard of husbands being financially abused by their wives too.

Answer 2

Well, if I lived in the UK, I know I'd be one!

Many, many women would be in jail. In India, and the UK it seems, it is illegal to call your wife a nag even. Men are supposed to be the ever-patient and loving partners while the women can blow their tops off, call their partners what they want and hurl pots and pans as they like. And all she has to do is scratch herslef after she beats him to a pulp and say she was defending herself to get HIM locked up. That is incredible.

Answer 3

Those are two of the 17 "Examples of behaviour" which may indicate that further investigation may be necessary.  They are guidelines, not grounds, meant to take every measure to protect the victims, and insulate children from such situations; and non-abusive, non-violent people have nothing to fear from them.

Answer 4

I've come to realize that the abuse in my relationships has been mutual and often aggravated by an errant action on my part or my partners.  Shifting blame is sort of chicken and egg. Even though I've experienced those two things you named I wonder if I may have brought out the worst in my spouse.

Answer 5

I have tried it against my ex for actual attempts at physical assault against myself. Police just laugh it off. They are not interested.

The answer is no not many women at all would be spending the night in jail. More than likely the man would end up in jail

Answer 6

Yes - in the sense that both of those "violate" a man (as they do a woman).  There are other "violations" that are probably much more male specific because they are the by-product of expected male roles: Men are expected to be providers, but this may require them to work, often at a dangerous job or a job that keeps them away from their family (the thing that gives their life meaning).  They are then accused of being more committed to the job than the family.  Women file for divorce at a much higher rate than men, and then men get to pay child support and alimony to support two households, but not enjoy the benefits of having his family.  Consequently, divorced men have a much higher suicide rate than married men (men overall have a higher suicide rate than women).

Interestingly enough, many of the laws with the stated purpose of "protecting" women become crutches that prevent women from being self-reliant.  

Maybe I'm cynical, but I don't see this changing in my lifetime.

Answer 7

Not me, because I am single, but, indeed a lot o men are victims and they don t know this, because in our stupid feminazi society men are never seen as victims, and women are always seem as victims (even if they are actually the agressors)

Answer 8

Women are not taken seriously around DV either - the police are NOT going to act unless there is evidence of physical abuse.

By some criteria all relationships contain abuse, and of course that weakens peoples sympathy for those that are really suffering abuse, because it undermines credibility.

Anyone who does those things clearly has issues though, and they are often precursors to more serious problems.

Answer 9

Unless these things are done to a certain degree, it doesn't count as abuse. For example, does she regularly call you hurtful names and tell you you aren't worth anything except to serve you? Or does she just complain about an errant stain on the counter? The former is abuse and the latter is just whinging.

Answer 10

well no, lack of a relationship(actually guess my ex). but my parents would have a life sentence under these rules. these rules are so truely ridculous

Answer 11

What you described shouldnt be considered dv on either gender unless it has reached obsession.

But I do know a man who is in a DV relationship yet he is the only one who goes to jail. I dont get it. He is the one being hit not her.

Answer 12

hehe yah the definition of "domestic violence" has become so loose its a disgrace.

But men do not try to recour to it, you will be put in jail. Calling the cops on your wife is apparantly domestic violence too.

Answer 13

And they wonder why it is that men are the main perpetrators in DV cases, lmao what a f n joke. Welcome to the real world were Dv law is in-fact met for women.

Answer 14

It does say that these MIGHT amount to a criminal offence and that whether they do or not depends on the circumstances of the case. They are GUIDELINES not hard and fast rules. I'd imagine it would have to be quite severe for either of these examples to be considered domestic violence. And I can see why calling someone 20 times in half an hour might be considered harassment, for example. However if it was a one off I can't see the police taking it seriously.

Also, while the document states that the majority of abusers are men and victims women it makes no reference (that I can see > please tell me otherwise) to the offences being perpetrated just by men. Actually it says quite clearly "Domestic violence occurs irrespective of background and circumstance, sexuality, age, disability and gender".