Men: the issue about your wives spending money?

Question

this is my question...are you mad when they are spending YOUR money or THEIR money? As in when they take money from your joint account, or when they spend their own money thinking they could have done something else with that money???

The way I see it, if i pay my bills with MY own money, I have the right to spend it the way i wish, it'a MY money from MY account.

Answer 1

I think if you are married then ALL of the money is OUR money, and you should both be able to contribute to deciding on how the money will be budgeted.

While having separate bank accounts is a great idea, you should both decide how much each of you will contribute to household bills, savings and discretionary income.

It is a partnership.  If you have two checking accounts, you should be joint owners on each account but each of you uses only one or the other account on a regular basis.

Answer 2

Wow.. i'm glad i don't have a selfish husband.

In my home, we have seperate accounts yes, but if i want something, anything at all, or if i need something, he will provide it for me. I pay some stuff, he pays some stuff, and if we need/want something, whoever is able pays.

It's not about his or hers, it's about priorities and if you need what you're gonna buy. If you're wasteful, it's horrible for both.  

Answer 3

Oh MY goodness! MY spider senses are tingling! MY hair is standing on end! MY account, MY money, MY bills, MY marriage, MY house, MY bed, MY car , ME< ME < ME <ME ! Marriage is about US , not ME and MY! Oh ME oh MY, why can`t the 2 of you comproMYse?

***EDIT*** You said wives , then say you`re not married? **confused**

Answer 4

I struggled with this when I got married because I work very hard for my money and I feel like... well, it's MINE. (selfish, I know but I've lived alone for 8 years and that's how I feel)

I make more than my husband with my full time job, and I teach piano lessons part time- this is above and beyond my 40 hr week. I whole heartedly believe that my piano lesson money is ALL mine, to use how I choose.

What my husband and I did was set up a joint account for mortagage, bills, food, gas, etc, and a % of our paychecks go into there. We also have a joint savings account that we put a certain ammount of money into a month. The $$ I put in is a little higher than what he puts in, since I make more.

Then we have our seperate accounts, that we put money into. This is so we can do what we want. Like today, I went to Michael's to get scrapbooking supplies with MY money. I didn't feel like I was spending the elictric bill because I wasn't.

Don't feel bad for wanting to protect yourself. I think it's very important, and it has nothing to do with how much you love someone.

Answer 5

This is typical thinking,

Most wives think what's hers is hers and what's his is ours.......................................

.

Answer 6

My advice,  with the attitude about money you have expressed, don't ever get married.  In five years you'll be getting divorced over finances.  In a marriage there should be no his/her money.  You have one pool of money, do a budget.  In the budget you should each have some spending money allotted for whatever you want.   You should also have budget for clothes, food etc.  You should each know how much money there is and where it all goes.  Knowledge of the finances keeps the money going to the right places and keeps spending under control.  Never spend on big item with out consulting each other.  

Answer 7

Seems to be the problem here is that you think money in a JOINT ACCOUNT is still divided individually.

If you have a joint account, it is no longer YOUR (individually) money, period.

If you have your own account, then yes it is, but not if it goes in to your joint account

This is a very simple concept.

Answer 8

depends if your spending it responsibly or not....  say if your child has a lot of medical bills... and your was out getting you nails done 3 times a week...  I'd have a big problem with that.

Answer 9

Seems to me marriage is best when it's a partnership and partnerships are best when partners agree on the basics after discussion.  Worrying about what is "mine" and what is "his" takes energy that might be better spent.

Answer 10

Every relationship is different.  If you want to have separate accounts forever, then that is something that you and your future husband will have to discuss, but make sure to do it before the wedding day.  

Personally, separate accounts are fine if you are just living together without being married, but once you walk down that aisle, the "mine" and "mine only" attitude needs to stop.  That is where it will cause issues.  Because if you apply that to money, you are going to apply that attitude to everything else.  (For ex:  That's MY couch, that's MY food, etc since you happened to pay for this or that with your account.)

Most couples if they do decide to have separate accounts also have a joint account where they both put X amount of money in each month to pay bills and pay for things for the home, etc, such as groceries or expenditures like new furniture or whatever.  

You are not looking at things from an "Our" point of view, but a childish "mine" point of view.  When you are in a serious relationship, things no longer have the "mine" and "yours" labels.  It is about trusting the other person to be responsible with the money.  Not saying that they can't go out and spend a little frivolous, but that they are also still being mature with it and not stupid, that they are putting away as well for a rainy day or if something were to happen.  It's not saying that you now have to ask everytime you want to stop at Burger King, but it does say that before you make any big purchases, such as a new tv or couch, that you will talk with your partner.  

Answer 11

Separate bank accounts=separate lives=divorce.

Marriage is a union, I think you'll change your mind once you meet the right person. If you want to keep all your old friends and your old ways and your old bank account, it's definitely possible that marriage isn't for you. It's almost like you're the same person but in two different bodies- you share your lives together, in every way. It's a gradual thing.  

Answer 12

we don't play that "mine and yours" game in our marriage. It just doesn't make for a strong partnership.

Answer 13

Time to sit down and chat.  And play back your wedding video, where you may or may not have each promised "all I have is yours".  Depending on your state or province, that may apply even if you didn't vow it explicitly.

Next, set up 2 or 3 accounts:

yours, his, and optionally joint.

agree on who's paycheck goes where, and how much spending money each gets, and what gets paid for from which account.

set it up with percentages, if your wages are significantly different: such that you both get to spend 8% of your take home as pocket money, you both contribute 30% to mortgage, etc; what's in 'joint' can only be spent on groceries ...

EDIT:

If you aren't presently married, you might want to discuss this with your financee (if and when), and draft it up on paper, sign it, and date it.  If you're really concerned, get a lawyer to do a prenuptual agreement, otherwise, the local laws might kick in should any relationship 'go south'.

Answer 14

I don't have any problem with my wife spending money.  

We have three accounts.  We both still have the checking accounts we had before we got together, and we have a joint account.  Before either of us could take money from the joint account there would have to be money left in it once the bills are paid.  I make about six times the amount of money my wife makes, so we pretty much split the bills according to that.   Any money she has left over is hers to spend however she wants to.  If anything she gives me a hard time about how I spend what I have left after the bills are paid each month (which is more than she makes a month).  She thinks I spoil her and the kids to much.  I think I work d**n hard to make this kind of money and that I can spend it on spoiling them if I want.

The one agreement we made was that when it came to buying things we would discuss any purchase over a certain amount.

Answer 15

I'd say that you should have an agreement about how you spend your money.  Technically all the money earned by the spouses in a marriage belongs to both spouses.  It is up to the two of you to decide what to do with it, regardless of what account it is in.

If the agreement is that your salary goes into your account for you to spend and his goes into a joint account for the both of you to spend then he's negotiated himself into a bad position and needs to renegotiate instead of getting mad.

Answer 16

I guess in you're situation I agree with you, but I don't agree with your situation as a whole.  Currently, I work and my wife is a stay at home mom.  While it's true that I'm the only one bringing money in, it's still "our" money, and as long as our bills are paid I don't care if she spends any of it.  I think if you're not married, you should keep the money seperate, and combine to pay bills.  If you're married, it's all in the same pot.  It's your call to have a seperate account, it just wasn't for us.  Combining makes paying bills eaiser, and when you don't combine it just says you're not sure if the marriage will even work out

Answer 17

Really depends on how you divide household finances.

If you have a collective account, there is not such thing as mine and his money. Sounds like this is how your husband views it.