Men who've cheated, I really need advice...?

Question

I've been in with my husband for over 20 years. I wasn't a virgin when we met, but was still pretty naive & inexperienced. I was 18 when I met him...

Now here we are all these years later, kids in tow....and this other one has shown up. We met volunteering.

We have engaged in a lot of e-mail flirting and talking of what we'd like to do with each other. Recently we got together and engaged in some intimate stuff....not all the way, but I think it might be considered 3rd base? It went way beyond heavy petting.

I don't even know if I can explain what is happening.

He says he's never cheated before, but I really feel like a little mouse and he's this cat toying with me.

Every time the situation has intensified he's gone silent, only to have me totally primed for the escalation of things, if that makes any sense at all. Every time he's gone silent, I've gotten worried and sought him out and he's simply put the ball in my court...and I've made the decision to allow things to move forward.

He gives me nothing really - never talks of his situation.... no information. No pretty words of love - nothing like that to turn my head. He's real about what this is and in a way so am I. I don't share much with him either, but I've told him I'm not sure why I'm there, that my husband adores me and that I know I should run. And then he kisses me and I'm undone.

Am I out of my mind? Wait...I know the answer to that one....

But I feel like this man is a total player...a villain...all wrapped up in smiles and gentle touches.

I've never done anything like this before. I feel....like I'm nearing the end of my rope.

I know my husband doesn't deserve this, no matter what little issues we may have.

I'm aware you may be breaking a guy's code in sharing any insight, but please I need that insight. I need to know if I'm right on or way off base in my suspicion. Please.

Answer 1

Ok, so let's start with the Guy:

He is playing you, using you... you are a s*x object to him... This is a player, and that's that... He's just waiting till he has s*x with you, and then he'll probably leave you without a response.

Cheating:

No it's not fair, on any level, and you did cheat... You really need to figure out what's going on... Is he no good in bed to where you want adventure, is it that your just inexperienced and want some new guy.. He's a tip, if it's the fact you last had a new guy at 18 and want some more "experience" it's not worth it... Trust me...

Answer 2

Go ahead, your husband has probably cheated on you already and you never found out about it. All species on the planet have their animal instincts. animals and insects who are monogamous, are always monogamous. if we were meant to be that way, we would be. but no, we have temptation and it is only our moral code that keeps us at bay some of the time. s***w him and forget about him.

Answer 3

He could be a smooth operator or he is simply hurting himself.  You caught up in the attentiveness and the excitement.   Do a Roberto Duran - no mas, no mas and turn around and walk away.  

Answer 4

Please at this time of your life don't disfigure it w/someone who honestly is just playing games w/you.  Don't do something you'll regret the rest of your life, nor something that w/mar your marriage.  He honestly is in this for what he can get out of it, & don't be fooled otherwise.  Do unto others...how would you feel if your husband was doing this to/against you.  Please end it w/this person & just tell him you've gone as far as you're going & even regret going as far as you have.  

Don't take a chance of your husband finding any of this out as it's not worth it.  I've been cheated on by my ex, & it hurts badly.  Please stop while you're ahead, I promise you you w/not regret it.  Follow your heart, & use your head...Best to you, & I KNOW you'll make the rite decision...:)

Answer 5

I have affairs for the s*x, not for a new relationship.

If you're going to have affairs, keep them simple.

Answer 6

This is what's going to happen he will use you for the s*x and let you believe anything you want and as soon as you want a little to much from him or when he gets tired of you he will walk away leaving you broken hearted and feeling used. Mean while you will be pulling away from your husband emotionally each time you are with that poor excuse of a man. Put yourself in your husbands shoes and he done this to you how hurt and devastated would you be and how discussed and disappointed would you be in your husband. If you don't know that that man is only using you for s*x then you are very naive and need to go home to your husband you know the one who really adores you.

I wish i could make you feel what it's like to be cheated on if i could do that i guarantee you wouldn't do it. You see my husband cheated on me and it crushed me. I cried myself to sleep so many many nights my heart was in a million pieces and the man i loved with all my heart did this horrible thing to me. I beg you please don't do this to your husband he will never be the same man you married if you do. Remember your the one who will have to look in the mirror at yourself everyday and you won't like who is staring back at you.

Answer 7

Trust me on this one. You said it yourself. Hes giving you enough rope to hang yourself. That way when the proverbial s*** hits the fan, hes walks away guilt free.    From a former cheater,,, its not worth it. Its exciting now and wil be for a while but never worth it