Men: would you marry a woman who refused to take your name?

Question

Wanting to maintain her independence not feeling like a man's property.

Answer 1

Tough one...It's not the name change so much as the reasons she would feel this way.   If she were so insecure as to believe that changing her name would somehow make her someone's "property" then that would be a more serious reason to question the marriage.  Sounds like she's not ready for marriage if she's so concerned about losing her independence.

If she told me that she likes her name, has had it for 20+ years and sees no reason to change it, then I'd be fine with her decision.

Answer 2

My name is MINE. There is absolutely no reason for me to take his name, except tradition, and traditions by their very nature were made to be changeable.

I would never marry or become involved with a man who was so insecure as to think my choice not to take his last name meant I loved him less.

Answer 3

keeping my last name had nothing to do with independence. my last name was on all of my military uniforms, credit cards, etc. why change it?

Answer 4

it's up to the woman but depends really if there is a reason for not taking the name.

it could mean alot to her personally as it's a link to her family.

or if the surname she's expected to take is god awful or results in an innuendo when put with the first name.

Answer 5

I know some men who have taken their wives name! That's a new and innovative twist and really cool! Smashes patriarchy doesn't it?

Answer 6

No.   She can maintain her independence without me.

Answer 7

In my country we all keep our name since ever. We actually never have had that legal option to change to a "marriage name". However, old fashion persons do, but is not common at all, and I think is great!

Answer 8

Refusing to marry on grounds like that is ridiculous. If you love each other, you both can take whatever name you want.

Answer 9

I would refuse to marry a man who was that narrow minded.

EDIT:

I've had this name for 50+ years now- all of my career and educational attainment has been under this name. I was married for lots of years and it made no difference in our lives what my name was.  You can google my name and there it is........

Edit: kaz surely you know there is more to marriage than a name?     Or maybe you don't.....

Answer 10

Any man that doesn't marry a women who refuses to take his last name is immature.

If a man really loves a women he souldn't care weather she takes his name or not.

Answer 11

I live in India.  Hindus have an indirect way to advertise a woman is married.  Wifes wear an extra dot on top-middle forehead.  The belief is that the husband of women who does this gets some blessing.  She does this not for herself, its for the husband.

My wife stopped wearing this dot after a few days after our wedding, saying the red powder is itchy and causing rashes.  I am sure she could have tried different brands of red powder and found one that fits her skin.  But I know she doenst want to wear the extra dot and thats the real reason.

Though I have never been worried about, I have often wondered wheter it is okay for a person to have all the rights and previleges that comes with a marriage and then pretend like a person who is unmarried and have the rights and previleges and joy of un-married life at the same time.  

Its her life and she has only one life and let her live it the way she wants, as long as it doesnt interfere with me is my take on this.

Answer 12

Depends, if I get to stay home and can make some more "adjustments" of my own to marriage I might. She would have to make good money though.

Answer 13

I wouldn't mind. If she doesn't expect me to change my name why should I demand that she change hers?

I have a dumb sounding last name anyway. I'm stuck with it, but I would understand if someone else didn't want it :D

Answer 14

i wouldnt refuse. but our children will take my name.

Answer 15

I'm with Alex, why do we need all these compulsions to go along with marriage?  I would keep everything separate - if other people want to combine things for convenience, or wear a ring for romance, that's up to them but you can choose otherwise if you want to, so why sweat it?  :-)

Answer 16

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 17

Depends on what is important to you as a man. If you want her to take your name and she refuses, I'd suggest not marrying her. I'm not a man, but belive that we women need to realize that we can't be everything at the same time. Either be married or be single. There is no in between. If she wants her independence, I'd let her have it. Independent of me!!!

Answer 18

I would go with it and not wear a wedding ring, keep all money separate and would make it clear that my whereabouts and relationships are none of her business.  That way we both get to keep our independence.

Answer 19

Taking my husband's last name for me was an expression of honoring and respecting him by wanting to be a part of this new family we are creating. We are not my parents family or his parents family, we are our own. I think is kinda weird how some women won't take their husband's names at all. I do think is is cool when actresses or singers add their husbands names onto theirs like Kimberly Williams-Paisley. I can't blames them because no one would know who they were if they changed their name completely.

Answer 20

No, either we are a family or we're not.   Any woman whose that hostile to family unity would make a miserable wife anyway.  So, it's better that they don't take your name since a divorce is inevitable.

Based on that theory, the kids shouldn't have either parents name.

Answer 21

Yikes. That kind of woman is going to be rather, shall we say, interesting to be married to. Marriage isn't supposed to be like "roommates with benefits", where they live together but are still very much independent and separate. Marriage is supposed to be a blending. Why would you marry someone that you didn't want to blend your life with, share your name and your money with?

Isn't her attitude a sign that she doesn't trust you, that she's afraid that if she took your name you would treat her like property? Or a sign of serious insecurity with regards to how people view her? I took hubs' name and not once has anyone ever assumed I'm his property or treated me thus, including him.

I think that when women are that obsessed with being independent, they are the type to focus more on themselves and their gender and rights (read: their feminist ideals) than they will on being a good and loving wife who meets their husband's needs. Everything will be about 50-50 and her rights and how she feels. Caveat emptor.

And Alex - I totally agree.

Answer 22

That's stupid. It's just a name and I don't feel that it means I am a possession. I am independant no matter what name i have and the women should know that.

Answer 23

You asked for the mens' responses but you are getting mostly women who feel the need to protect their independence.  Pretty funny.  As to not wanting to take the hubby's name, independence is not a valid excuse in my opinion.  There are reasons that may be acceptable but not this one.  Taking your husband's name is traditional and is in no way going to strip your independence away from you.  I am a very independent woman and I love carrying my husband's name.  I love him and am proud to be his wife.  This hasn't changed who I am at all.

Answer 24

My mum didn't take my dad's last name and they're happily married. But that's my culture. And the kids' last name is the father's first name and there's a little 'son of' or 'daughter of' between the first and last name. Confusing isn't it?

Answer 25

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose

By any other name would smell as sweet."

In my head, marriage has nothing to do with someone's name.  It's such a small, petty concern.  If I want to be with someone for the rest of my life, it shouldn't matter to them if I want to take their name or not.  I'd be marrying them because I love them, not because I love their name.  Hopefully they'd be doing it for the same reasons.

Answer 26

I was glad to take my husband's name when we got married.  I think it shows the unity of marriage.  I also agree with runningman022003's answer.

I knew someone who, when they got married, they both took both their last names and used them, hyphenated (i.e., Jones-Davidson).  That's one way to compromise.

Wow, to the first two responders:  why even bother getting married?