Mental Instability?

Question

A recent question got me thinking about this as it is very close to me. If you were raised in a home where incest ran rampant from brother to cousin, to step brother to father to uncle to grandfather, and you were called a liar when you finally got up the nerve to tell some one. THEN you were stuck in counseling session after counseling session and ever lock up because of a suicide attempt to make it all stop. Would you consider yourself to be mentally unstable?

Just to clarify: I do not hate all men. I support fathers rights to parent. In my eyes these males were not acting like men.

This story eventually end up in an adoption, but lets start with this.

Answer 1

mentally unstable people should be supported by friends and family .

Answer 2

No you're NOT mentally unstable!!!!!

Answer 3

What I call "Mental Instability" is creeps who allow this S**t to keep happening. I think it big of you to share your story. I understand what its' like to tell and not have anyone listen, even doctors who believe the retarded stories people come up with to cover what happened.

Pretending it doesnt effect you like noting happened, is "Mental Instable". You can heal what you don't reconize. You did what you could. That's more than most do.

All we can do now is make sure it never happens to our children and their children. I get called over-protective and suspicious, but thats better than being called the mom who "SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER".

Thank you for sharing, it does make a difference.

Answer 4

I can only speak for my own home study and the issues of my life that were sensitive.

We adopted through the state and as nearly 40 year olds we had a lifetime of things to disclose and resolve on our home study. My history didn't include incest or sexual abuse however, I was a battered-wife for too long and had an ex-husband whom was rather abusive to our daughter...

This would be a terrible red-flag for a person wanting to adopt a child from foster care who may have witnessed domestic violence--or been a victim.

But, instead this matter was looked at carefully, and I was asked to have some additional psych testing. The Home Study included some details about my 14 years as a battered-wife and What I did--and How I handled things. It was documented that I got help for my own mental welfare pretty early in the abusive marriage and that I personally made efforts to protect the children and change the situation.

It was also documented in my personal records that I had called CPS and reported abuse my little girl had suffered, shortly before I somehow found the money to pay a lawyer to start a divorce. I was also documented that I had made contact with a variety of services to help me change my life, and got a restraining order, built a support system and took steps to change the situation.

Rather than 14 years of abuse being a Negative the extra time spent to address these issues on the Home Study resulted in a powerful documented ability for me to not only identify with a child who may have been abused or lived withing domestic violence but, proof that I was able to make the hard decisions, take the steps and improve my own situation.

In our state families interested in adopting foster children express interest in a child(ren) and the case workers select several families they believe will make a good placement. In our case three families were selected and taken to an uninvolved committee who reviewed the home study, and any other information where the placement family was chosen.

When the committees select a family the family is given the top three reasons for selection as well as any concerns. In our case, it was the very fact that I had been a victim of domestic violence and how I managed that was the number one reason we were selected for a 5 year old and 1 year old.

The case files indicated there had been at least 11 police interventions for domestic violence where the 5 year old had been witness. The committee members felt that my experience would make it possible for me to help her process and over come her early start in a very horrible life which included domestic violence (and much more).

I was seen as a mother who might be able to recognize the post trauma and possible life changing behaviors for a child that had lived a similar life as one I had. At the same time my older children and their stability and ability to do well offered her other siblings that had also lived in a similar situation.

The point is that there are no Perfect humans on this earth. Parents who attempt to have a home study that shows they are perfect are often seen as more questionable because of the fact that everyone has baggage, life experiences and usually something traumatic happen in their lives. Anyone who doesn't is either not being 100% honest or May Not be able to be the most compassionate parent for a child that has had *something* happen that isn't perfect.

The important question will be How a person has processed the negative events of their lives.

Many of these issues will be more or less important depending on the type of Home Study being done. Ours was a therapeutic foster family with special needs adoptions home study and while it was a long painful process our personal Negatives were used to show were were stronger for the position we had applied than someone who may have grown up without any problems to overcome...

Answer 5

h**l no, you're not mentally unstable for wanting to end the pain of abuse. I think every person that allowed this to happen and then when you brought this to someone's attention and they treated you like you were the problem.... THEY ARE UNSTABLE!!!!!!!! You were desperate. You are fine, you're surrounded by a bunch of low life inbreds.

Very often, if not always, the person who attempts / commits suicide is seen as "unstable" or identified as the "problem", when in reality they are trying to escape from a horrendous situation. No one has walked in your shoes.

People who think they are "normal" and don't need help, generally are the most messed up ones of all.

You're fine.

Answer 6

I can understand but don't want to elaborate. You are not mentally unstable to answer your question.

Answer 7

Yes I agree with mental instability...but not necessarily permanently. As I know some one who went through it and came out a stronger person.

Answer 8

OK THIS IS PERSONAL, SORRY EVERYONE!!!!

you are not unstable! they are spinless jack*sses that had to take out their own pathetic insecuritites on you. you were a child and they were disgusting predators. whats worse is the ones that got hold of you didnt even understand that was wrong, that is what they knew and thought it was normal. it was years later before they had done. (well, some of them realized, the rest live in blissful ignorance.)

dont take blame for their actions. you were a child. period.

and as for my adoption, thank you, for not allowing another female in our defective genetics become a victim. you were the strong one, you took responsibility and stopped them. you did that for me.

you may be a nut but you are by no means unstable. you are the most stable person in my life. and i love you for who and what you are.

AGAIN. SORRY EVERYONE, MAY NOT BE THE PLACE, BUT I COULDNT LET THIS GO UNADDRESSED.  she is my savior, i will not allow anyone to make her feel that way about herself.

Answer 9

No, I would not consider myself to be mentally unstable, but, I would consider the situation you described as unstable.

I would most definitely consider the people committing the incest mentally unstable.

Answer 10

Hopefully not.  But the tendency would be to have a pretty crushed ego strength.  I would consider a person who has survived all this abuse, stood up against family at all cost, and endured psychotherapy which probably focused on your "need to lie", as well as surviving suicidal thoughts -- a very strong person whose behavior when isolated may look pathological, but when looked at in its total environment appears to be totally normal, or even heroic.

Answer 11

i wouldn't call it mentally unstable. I would call it wounded. Wounds can heal with the proper therapy. The child would just be acting out as a result of what has happened to him/her. it is a symptom of the injury. just like when you fall down and bruise yourself. the bruise is the evidence of the fall.

Answer 12

Lori are you sure we aren't related? lol

All of these unstable people surrounding you kept drilling it into you that you were the crazy one. Which conflicted with your heart and soul because you know you are the only sane one.  This reaction of denial is pretty common in families with sexual abuse.  This reaction actually shakes the very core of the victims being b/c she is one being punished.  Imho, a suicide attempt to escape pain of abuse is a very different animal than just the average suicide attempt.  Mental instability no, Mentally abused to the point you did't know which way is up, yes!  

Anyone who has the ability to live thru this trama and lead a productive life is an incredible survivor.  Whats the saying that God never gives you a burden thats too heavy for you to carry.  What an amazing person you must be.

Like quick sand they tried to sinking you down to their level.  Take a bow, you made it and they didn't win. They didn't break your spirit.  Not many people can do what you did.

Hugs.

Answer 13

Well yes Mentally unstable would be the right word .

That poor child god bless!!

Answer 14

No one can determine mental instability (or stability) from what has happened TO YOU.  Mental stability can only be assessed from looking at your actions and your feelings, not from the actions of those around you.  In other words, the information you provide in this question is irrelevant to determining mental stability.  (Although, given the events described, I don't think anyone would be surprised to discover that the person was driven slightly off-kilter by being subjected to such abuse.  But these events, by themselves, tell us nothing about the victim's actual mental stability or lack thereof.)

N.B.: Based on our interactions, I have no reason to think YOU are mentally unstable.  But the information in this question, while relevant to assist a therapist in helping you to unpack any issues these events may have caused, is irrelevant to a diagnosis of any sort.

Answer 15

Coming from the years I have spent in the education program I can tell you that even if that child comes through that situation seemingly undistrubed from it, they will still carry some part of that with them. Mentally unstable yes, becuase they wanted to end thier life. Some children are able to "block" that stuff out mentally, if they were young enough but even in those cases they tend to repeat the same behavious, but not knowing why. Sometimes these children repeat the behaviours to make victims of other children. Thats how this cycle that you were talking about can continue. Thank god there was adoption, hopefully the family is qualiffied to help children who have been molested.