Mentally abusive ex! is it possible he's having an affect on my new relationships? i can't move on from him?

Question

i've been with my ex for about 2 years, and for the most part, it was horrible...he didnt treat me right, he cheated on me, he pushed me a few times, he'd break up with me every other week, then we'd get back together...we've been broken up for over a year and a half..but since then we've sort of "rekindled" our relationship. The most recent time we were sort of together was about 5 months ago...since then i have gotten a new boyfriend of whom i have been with for 4 months... he treats me like a princess, he's the kind of guy i said i always wanted, and now that i have him i still can't move on from my ex...my ex has gotten in trouble with the law, has experimented alot with drugs, and treated me like dirt. whereas i know he doesnt deserve me, i just can't bear the fact of us not caring for each other anymore..he's been on antidepressants and from what i know has some mental disorders..idk if that plays into me feeling "hooked" but i just want to find some answers. i dont know if anyone has suggestions of what is going on here, or what i could do..i've never had such an obsession with somene, especially with him treating me bad and all..i cope with everyday situations normally, and am not depressed..he is an exception to my life being wonderful, and i hate it, i want to move on for good but i dont know what to do, time hasn't helped and neither has talking to friends and family..did he cause problems for me, or did i cause the problems, how should i move forward from this, counceling, time, or what!?

Answer 1

right now i am in this situation as well but my girlfriend is hung up on her ex who was an a*****e and he will never take her back but she is probably going to break up woth me. so from my point of view i would say to stick with your current boyfrien and try to talk things out with him. he will understand that is what he is there for

Answer 2

Yes. An abusive ex can have negative effects on the way you perceive other relationships or possible boyfriends. It isn't fair to them, however, it isn't something you are concious of doing. I know, because I have been out of an extremely abusive marriage, I been divorced over seven years, and still I am unable to trust men. I guess for the man, it is not hard to move on...mine hooked up with one of the chicks he cheatedc on me with, and now he is married again, replacing me with a chick who makes a living out of marrying men, divorcing them, and taking their money in the process. good luck

Answer 3

Firstly, its time to move on from him as he is abusing drugs and is in no position to actually be the other half in any relationship, this you already know and deep down you also know that it could never work in the long term.

I suggest that you stick with the boyfriend that you have and break off completely from the ex as he is obviously no good, even to himself at the moment.  He doesnt need a mother or an other half, he needs to straighten himself out and only time will tell.

Answer 4

If he treated you badly, why didn't you immediately kick him to the curb and turn your back and walk away. You must send a clear message that that kind of behavior is totally unacceptable.

He may be an obsessive personality but for you to obsess over him seems really wrong. You may be expecting him to continue obsessing over you, and you have a hard time letting go of him. It can be hard to let go and move on when you have so little control over him. It can seem easier to go along with him than to oppose him.

If now you have found someone else, and this someone is good to you, turning back to your abusive ex seems unbelievable. Why can't you let him go? If he has problems, he will have to work that out himself. No one can do that for him. He doesn't need help or pity, he needs to take responsibility for his own actions. You mustn't try anymore to play the co-dependent. If you were part of his abuse, it's too confusing to enable his recovery. You can't have it both ways.

You need counseling. You have grown accustomed to the abuse. You identify too much with the problems and you are resurrecting them and reliving them. That is so over, and you think you are confused. The only confusion is why you give this guy the time of day.Think of yourself. Put yourself first until you can let this go. Any more involvement with him is only going to lead to depression, if you aren't there all ready.

I think you have a problem. Get over it first, then you can see where you stand as far as men are concerned. Stop dwelling on the past and let it go. You deserve much more than that.