Messed up family?

Question

My dad molested my sister when she was 9, then again at 19, he never got turned in. My half brother raped me when i was 10,12,and 14, told on him in 2004,no one did anything 'till last may, there is going to be a trail on dec 19. Well ever since my half brother went to jail my family has been having a huge fight, they blame my sister and i for all their problems and my real brother told me that he's not talking to anyone of the family anymore b/c it's drama and now he's talking to my parents and sister, i had to write a letter to my parents b/c i can't deal with them anymore they go on and on about my half brother and how they think it's wrong of how he's in there and how its wrong my sister has nothing to do with them,and they told me there not going to testify in court, well i told them if they have a problem with my sister they can tell her not me,well i bascily cut them off from my life.

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Answer 1

your family and you should all be in counselling. I am sorry you are going through this. i have had something similar happen to me about 20 years ago and still dealing with it. It helps to talk, and not to feel ashamed. If your family is not behind you then let them go, you don't need to worry yourself, they are probably ashamed and in denial. Stay positive :)

Answer 2

well you  need to have him put in prision

Answer 3

You know, I can't tell you what to do about this except for one thing.  Please get some counseling.  You really need to get this all sorted out for yourself and for your baby and the future husband.  Find a counselor and let him help you.  Good luck Hon.

Answer 4

Contact a Pastor, you need to talk this out with someone you can trust.

The sooner the better.

Answer 5

If it makes you feel any better you are not alone.

One out of five american daughters are molested by their dad. Two Miss Americas admited they had a terible childhood because their dad molested them. I was almost molested by several veterans when I was a child.

Your family is not anymore messed up then many American families. Reading the autobiographies of those women who stood up like you and faced the facts may help you deal with this.

Answer 6

why have them in ur life if ur own family  (especially parents) can't protect u from that mess?

Answer 7

Honey, every family is screwed up in some way but all you can do is live your live for you and your baby if they want to be a part of your life or not yes you should be happy and if living for you and your baby means you being happy then you do that.

Answer 8

Just move on. Just do your crying, and go through your loss of them, and move on. Change your number, e-mail, every method of contact, and just be happy with your family. If your in laws are decent, then don't be affraid to call them, or see them and talk about it. Try not to focus on it all the time. If they want to blame you for things, then let them. You can look at yourself in the mirror and know you did the right thing. They will be the ones old, misereable, and alone, wishing they wouldn't have done those things. As for your kids, I wouldn't keep photos of your family around....I'd just go on like nothing happened, and explain it to them when they are a little older. Anywhere 10yrs+ is good. They may ask sooner, and thats fine too. But don't worry about that. Kids are resilient, they can't miss what was never there. If you know what I mean.

Answer 9

Let your family go. Or wait until things cool down, a lot. My father sexually abused me when my mom left us.I got pregnant at 14 and had my baby boy Dakota at 15 with my longtime boyfriend. My brother hated me for turning in my dead and threatened to kill me if I didn't say I made it all up. I let my family go and lived with my boyfriend's family. They were happy to help me since their son got me pregnant I guess. When me and my boyfriend got a place of our own everything just seemed right again. I'm 19 now and my boyfriend is 21. We are still together since we were 13 and he helped me through everything. I'm now pregnant with twins and everything is great!

Good for you turning in your half brother. Don't back down. It is the right thing to you and if you don't testify I promise you will regret it. I really do hope everything works out. Please let me know what happens. Good luck with everything!

Answer 10

The first thing to realize here is that there is no RIGHT or WRONG.  I will say that by saying that I am NOT condoning the actions of your half brother and your dad.  All I am saying is that life is a beautiful gift that we were given.  It was not given to us to live in anger or hatred.  It was not given to us to live in fear.  It was given to us to live in LOVE.  

Ultimately, every emotion is based in either FEAR or LOVE.  We get to decide every moment of every day how we choose to live the gift of life.  If we want to live in anger, and let fear win out - that's a choice we make.  Or we can choose to let love win out.  

I remember when I first learned what forgiveness was.  I always thought it was about letting the other person "off the hook".  That by forgiving them, we were saying that the act never happened, or that it's OK that they did what they did.  

Forgiveness is about the past.  Trust is about the future.  When we harbor resentment toward someone, it's more damaging for us than for them.  They probably couldn't care any less about the situation.  They've probably moved on.  You're the one that "benefits" from forgiveness.  Not them.  

Forgiveness is about forgiving ourselves.  About liberating ourselves from our mental stronghold over ourselves.  We tend to be our own worst critic.  It's about freeing yourself from being imprisioned by others.  To do so, forgive each person unconditionally (especially those you really don't want to forgive).  Write a list of those people that have imprisoned you through your resentment toward them.  And quietly forgive each one.

You've heard of those cases where the mother of a slain child forgives the attacker in court, requests for a lighter sentence, parolle, etc.  This is why.  It's about the person doing the forgiving being able to move on with their life, live in love and be happy.   It's never about the other person.

This is a difficult situation, but I hope this gives you something to think about as you begin this new chapter in your life - becoming a mother.  You are bringing life into this world.  Any anger you harbor, your baby will feel.  It impacts your baby in every way.  Again, will love win out or will fear?  Only you can decide.