Middle child only placed for adoption? what do I tell him? How?

Question

My son (21mos old) Has a bio-sister who is 20 mos. older and a bio-brother who is 20 mos. yonger. She decided to parent the other 2 and placed my son. He does have many medical needs, but we didn't know that 'til after the adoption plan was made.

How do I tell him without him feeling totally castaway by the bio family?

Answer 1

Tell him he was the lucky one who you picked.

Answer 2

You need to explain in terms of "any" child or "another" child.  Never make it about YOUR child.  (Personal).

You can say:  "At that time, she could not take care of another baby.  But then when she realized she was going to have a baby again, she just couldn't place a baby for adoption again."

But this is not something you will talk about until you are asked.  And that will be many years.  Don't go over the information in detail, just answer the question.  More is less.

Just make sure not to drown your child in adoption stories and information.  This tends to make the child feel odd or labeled.  Children don't really like to feel "special" (aka "odd").  They just want to be like every other kid!

Answer 3

tell him you are his guardian angel

Answer 4

Tell him that God saw how much you wanted him as a son. That with him in your life, it made you complete. No details, until he is old enough to deal with the entire story. :)

Answer 5

Just tell him that everything happens for a reason.  And that God placed him with you so that you could bless each others life's.

Answer 6

Tell him that like Moses, his  birth mother gave him a better life with more choices

Answer 7

Tell him he is the luckiest boy.  

He was chosen to be a part of your family!  

That God intended him for your family.

And that your family wasnt complete until he arrived.  

Cause it is true!

Answer 8

My daughter is 20 mo old, and has a half sister 20 mo older than her. I have told her all along she is adopted and that her birthmom chose us to parent her (although she doesn't understand yet). I plan to tell her that her birthmom knew she couldn't be a good mommy to another baby because she wasn't ready, and wanted my daughter to have parents that could give her the best life possible. That she loved my daughter, wanted the best for her and chose the best family for her.

I talk about her being adopted all the time, so she always knows, and gradually understands more and more. I don't plan to have any secrets or surprises.

Answer 9

wow that is tough.... Talk to a counselor and see the best way to go about that. I almost want to say don't tell him, but that would be wrong.

Just give him plenty of love and eventually he'll know he was better off (when he's an adult)

Answer 10

I would be upfront with him about it if anything...though how to do that, I dont know.

A friend of mine went on the search for his birth parents and found out he had an older and younger brother, but his birth parents kept both of them, and thats all he could find. His parents knew about it but never told him, so he found out on his own at 17. He's still a wreck about it and its been 10 years. He cant figure out why they didnt want him, and wont listen when people tell him not to think about that and to think about how much his parents wanted him, and what they went through to get him.

I dont know what you should tell him, but please dont wait til he's a teen or adult to do so.

Answer 11

You simply tell him that no-one on this planet earth could possibly love him as much as you do and that no one on this planet earth would defend him and support him as strongly as you would.  And when he asks about his bio family, you can tell him that life just takes some strange twists and turns but you were so glad that his road wiggled him straight to your heart and home.