Military Affair- Is there any chance now?

Question

I just told my husband who is in the Navy on deployment in Qatar I had an affair on him. If you were to ask why here is what I would tell you. In our first year and a half of marriage he was physically and emotionally abussive towards me. He got his act together and stoped the physical abuse. And I have stuck by his side while he was trying to fix himself being emotionally abusive towards me. But the truth is that the emotional has never stopped, it as just let up maybe gone down one notch going on year #3 in our marriage. I felt like i had lost respect for him and we'll I lost my love for him as my husband. He is more like a best friend than anything else. I have once told him these feeling ever before he got deployed. I asked him to respect me more and he did at first but it just went back to the way things were soon after. So he left for a 6 month deployment, and I met this guy who made me feel loved and wanted and soon after I had an affair with him and since I told my husband what i did REALLY guilty and full of shame I ever did this. I know its my own fault. Im the one who put my self in these shoes, but do you think that our marriage can ever be saved. I really want it to work.

Answer 1

when a man hits you he ain't worth it!!!

Answer 2

I have to disagree, You said yourself "your not in love" People, even husbands will only do to you what you allow them to do to you! love is different and in the military, it can make you or break you. I have been married 4 years and together with him for 4 before that and its been ruff, but never have we cheated. Between deployments and long days of work, all you have is trust and with out that....it so hard to make a marriage work. You know the military offers your counseling and is covered, maybe you should really consider A LOT OF THAT, if you are planning to stay. We all know that a solider with problems at home is in danger to himself and his brothers. You will need a lot of faith and counseling to make this work. It seems to me you have already given up and have tried to move on, but what stopping you from taking that next step to a better life? Money (will always come and go)  fear of being alone ( your never alone, someone is always out there)



No women dissevers to be put down, and beaten by words nor physically. A women is a trophy and should always be treated like one. NO LESS!  Yes, an affair is a terrible thing but can be forgiven, first you need to forgive your self.... then ask for forgiveness, but it really worth going back to. If he finds out, are you risking your life? You need to really ask yourself these things, how is it going to get better with his temper? Especially all the mental stress they go through when they come home. Remember, your beautiful and strong and never LET ANYONE TELL YOU DIFFERENT. "PEOPLE WILL ONLY DO TO YOU WHAT YOU ALLOW THEM TO"  IF you cant get the best, then maybe your on the right track of leaving the one, who tells you that you don't deserve the best! Good luck!

Answer 3

Katie said ..."but do you think that our marriage can ever be saved. I really want it to work. "<<<<

No you don't or you wouldn't have cheated. Do you think it can be saved and aren't you afriad of what your husband will do when you are both face to face again? If he abused you and you lost respect for him, then just be fair, file for divorce on those grounds, and let him live his life and you live yours. Cheating and then trying to patch things up never works. It might last for a few months but then its going to be worse than ever.  

Answer 4

Yes there is always a chance, but once the trust is broken it is impossible to get back.  Besides, why would you want it to work if he is so abusive to you?  I know what emotional abuse is like. I've been there too both mentally and physical.  Physical wounds fade away after time, but emotional ones linger on forever. Do you think you had the affair because you felt loved or you done it for emotional revenge on your husband?

Answer 5

First of all, before it can be worked on he needs to loose "all" the abuse, and that won't happen unless he works it out of himself.  It is a problem that has absolutely nothing to do with you.  Once he returns you need to walk out on him immediately when he start the abuse and stay out until he has gotten help and gained control.

   Also, when he returns, expect this affair to be thrown in your face on a very regular basis, so have a bag packed and don't wait until he becomes physical because he will. If he has been physical for little or no reason, now he has a huge hurtful reason to act on and seeing as he can't take it out on the "big boys", he works with, it will be held in and it will certainly be stewing.

    But now for a reality check....if he is any form of an abuser, he his far from being faithful to you.  The abusive personality created and owns the maket on double standards. So expect this relationship to fail, because i know he will not accept professional help and your life will become a living h**l.

     I am by not means saying don't make a good try of it, what i am saying is to be aware of what is coming and don't hang around long enough to get yourself hurt.

     Make sure you have money put aside, a place to go and any help you need to do what you have too, when you have too. Because if you do not move fast, he will anticipate and block your every move.

     If it does not happen, i will be the first to be more than happy for you, but just plan ahead in case. You take care now.

Answer 6

I think you made an honest regretful mistake. you are only human. I feel if a marriage is savagable. go for it, but you both must want this. You have to realize he is hurt and he will in time forgive you, but he will never forget what happened.. you need to show him that he can trust you again, and trust has to be gained, it don't happen over night.. If he truly loves you it will stick around.. Maybe some counseling will help. Especially for him with his emotional anger.. Sometimes emotional anger is worse than physical.. Bless you both, and I truly hope things work out for the 2 of you...

Answer 7

It can be saved as long as you both WANT the marriage to work.  You both need to sit down and figure out your goals and needs and see if they are compatible.  

Good luck with everything!