Military Question Whats Up W/My Guy?

Question

My bf joined the army in April and I've waited while he has been in boot camp and AIT. About 4 weeks into AIT he started talking to some girl from his class and I noticed he started treating me different they talked on the phone every night and I questioned him he said they were just good friends, well a week or 2 before he left for airborne he told me that his feelings weren't the same for me anymore that he tried to find them everyday and that he didn't want to break up he needed time to get his head straight and he thinks this is something we can get through. He is at airborne now and I don't know how to act with him or if he really loves me or not anymore I think this girl he meet has alot to do with are problems he still talks and texts her all the time but she is in WA do to be deployed and he is in GA and then coming home. I don't know if I should keep fighting for him or just give up I gave up everything for him we have been together 3 years and before he left he said he wanted to marry me and hoped I was in it for the long haul and was so happy I was sticking with him. How do your feelings change that quickly after only 4 weeks, how can he fall for her when he doesn't know anything about her. I really need some help what do I do stop fighting. Also I found texts and VM from her calling him baby and telling him he loves him and misses him so there not just friends. He says he can't help that she has feelings for him but he isn't going to stop being her friend. HELP I don't know how to act when I talk or text him and I'm sick of walking on egg shells and waiting for him to figure it out.

Answer 1

Not to be cruel, but if you've been in a relationship for 3 years and he can't keep his feelings for you after a 4 week separation...imagine how that's going to be after a year of deployment.

I think you need to toughen up and ask him what the real deal is because you shouldn't have to cater to his little games.  3 years is a long time to invest in a relationship.  If he's not serious about you, he needs to man up and tell you the truth because me, personally, I would not stand to be number 2 to a girl who barely knows my man!

Personally, if she's calling him "baby" and saying "i love you" on text and VM, then more than likely, a lot more has happened than what you know, especially if he's gonna say he's not gonna "stop being her friend."

AIT is like a big huge "freedom fest" for those who are supposedly "committed" to other people.  It's like deploying to Iraq or PCSing to Korea.  Those in the military know what I'm talking about!!

Come on now...get real here...if he can't figure it out, then at least figure it out for yourself because you can only walk on egg shells for so long.

If you love something, set it free...if it comes back to you, it was meant to be

Answer 2

If he says he wants to work it out, give it a chance. Airborne School isn't that long; if you've been together three years, and he's due home from Benning soon, I should think a few more weeks can't hurt.  

Answer 3

I think you should give him sometime to himself before he comes home (which isn't in too long right?) you guys have been together for 3 years and sometimes, time apart is what you need to realize that what you have is either real, or never was in the first place. Don't blame the Army either for you two growing apart.. If it's meant to be it will all work out for the both of you.. If this girl makes you jealous (I would be too) let him know exactly how you feel, and tell him to put himself in your position. Communication is key.. But, when he gets back you guys have a lot to work on. Have a serious talk with him, remind him that you will always be there for him, and that you really love him forever. Maybe he just needs to be reminded ^.^

Answer 4

It kind of sounds like he is lying. If you have proof of more and he is playing the "I can't help how she feels" card, that a big red flag. I really admire you for standing by your man. It takes a strong woman to in this life style. He may be having more than a friendship with this girl and knows it wont last long. So he is telling you he needs space, in order to keep you around. He knows that you are wife material and may not be ready to chance losing that over a fling. Which isn't fair to you. If he can't be as devoted and supportive to you as you are to him, then you need to really think what kind of life you will have with him. Being married to a military man is not easy. You don't want the added stress of wondering if he is cheating when he is away. You have to trust each other or it wont work. If you are already walking on egg shells and aren't even married, really look at what this is telling you. If I was you, which I am clearly not, I would simply tell him how you are feeling. Point out what sacrifices you have made, the dedication, encouragement, and how supportive you are. That you wont wait around forever. Either you are a team or you are not. If he is smart he will realize what a good thing he has. Hopefully he will wake up soon, hang in there.

Answer 5

He is young and having new experiences. Stop chasing him. Wait for him to call you. Make him do the work. If this relationship is going to work, the young soldier is going to have to make it happen. If you behave a bit aloof, he will try harder if he desires to be with you. If he doesn't, move on.

Answer 6

Go to your nearest recruiter and demand  to be sent to the same permanent duty assignment as your BF! Then he can decide who he really wants to be with!

Answer 7

Ditch his Cheating ***...Now...