Military spouse depressed after Iraq?

Question

My husband spent almost 2 years deployed to Iraq. Its been just over a year since he came home and he is starting to show some signs of depression. He said he just doesn't feel like himself and said he's going to talk to the VA about counseling. In the meantime I am getting very frustrated. We have a 3 month old son and we both work full time and I think I'm going to lose it if I seem him waste one more day laying on the couch watching TV while I run around trying to do 50 things at once. I'm trying to be understanding,but he really can't explain to me what he went through and I can't deal with running a household and raising a son by myself. Any advice from spouses that have been through it or soldiers that have dealt with depression after deployment. Please only answer if you have the personal experience to back it up. If you haven't dealt personally with deployment you just don't have any idea what its like!!!!

Answer 1

Serious military will agree with me...... there is a truism in military life.

I fought in many places over almost 20 years. Places that could not be mentioned to anybody around or even to my wife. Last time around it was 3 years in the sand and not driving a truck..... the most serious business that you can do as a soldier.

Tough and you see and experience things that one should never see or do.

When you come back you get a few days to chill. But at 20 years old or 40 it is the same. My wife would go OK Mr. Man and ruler of the world who has made it to the top of the combat food chain... you have a family and you need to get your butt moving. Add in it was time to adjust and take care of my family. Especially my wifes feelings. Momma rules the roost.

It works the same even if the person was deployed and not in combat. Get the flip over it and enjoy your family.

You tell him that this PTSD bull is an excuse and if he wishes to continue to have a family he will get his butt off of the couch. Nothing major just stir the pot.

Answer 2

He will most likely need counseling before he starts getting better.  Be specific as to what you want him to help with around the house.  For example, don't say "I need help here" instead say "Please change the baby, and put the clothes in the dryer".  Just adjusting to having a new child is hard enough and dealing with PTSD issues at the same time just makes it that much harder.  If you are able, get someone to help watch the kiddo so you can take time for yourself too.  If you are too stressed out, you are no good for your child or your husband.

Answer 3

I have PTSD so I know what both of you are going though. Read this story. It will give you an exact description as to what and how PTSD effects one. If it is alright with you I'm going to send you an email with some more advice that really doesn't need to be brought out in Yahoo.  

If anyone else reading this has PTSD or knows someone with it, please read this story and pass it on. This is just a wish from a disabled Vietnam vet.

Answer 4

Well I sympathize with you both.

Understand he has been through h**l...literally...and you can return but you will never be the same.

I understand it must be tough for you too.  I think it's sad for these poor folks to have to come back ruined, and then lose what they had here on top of it all.

This is why war is horrible for everyone.  It's not fair to you or your children either, but it isn't your husband's fault.  He was doing his duty.

I do hope that you both get counselling.  You have to start with the here and now and move forward but he will need counselling on his own as well I would imagine...perhaps even long before you can even try together..I don't know. I'm sure there are many experienced professionals out there who know what works best in this situation.

Good luck.

Answer 5

I have been to Iraq three times now, and I completely understand what you are going through.  I am married, no children however, but put my wife through some of what you are dealing with.  The first time I came back, I was single, so it probably wasnt a big deal honestly, but for the first few months I got home, I kept myself so busy travelling all over Europe (i was stationed in Germany), that I never had a chance to be depressed.  However, as time went on, and my travelling slowed down, I did become depressed, possibly because i missed moving around and the excitement of being deployed.  I think i had too much time on my own to think and think and think, and the memories started flooding in.  It had me pretty good honestly, but i did go to counseling, on my own, and it did help to sit down and talk things through.  The second and third time, it was easier, but there were still times when i knew my wife was pissed, but as you said, i just didn't feel like myself.  It takes time, some more than others, but once he goes and talks to someone, you will see better differences in him.  He will come around, just be there for him and it will get better.

Answer 6

You need to make him go see a counselor.  He will not want to go because he thinks he can handle it himself, but explain to him why he needs to go.  If he loves you enough he will do it.