Military wives, how hard is this going to be?

Question

Im dating a man in the military and I feel like I might be falling in love with him. The problem is the army is going to be his job, for life. He loves it and loves the travel. I can stand being without him and I deal with that okay. But as we all know the military changes things all the time and last min. usually. How do you deal with it? How are is it being married to someone in the military?

Answer 1

it ******* sucks

Answer 2

If you think you might not be able to deal with it, then you definitely can't deal with it.

My husband is in the Army. He's currently on his second tour in Iraq. Being a military wife is not for the weary. It is only for a strong, self-sufficient, independent woman. It means being a single mom for 22 months at a time. It means putting his needs ahead of yours. It means being his cheerleader to keep him going when you're stressed out at home. It means not being whiny, needy, or clingy. After all, he has to deal with so much more important things. It means being able to take care of everything on your own- everything. On top of it, you have to learn a whole new culture, military culture, plus deal with the rampant idea of infidelity in the military (not a myth, deployment affairs happen all the time, at home and deployed, its sickening). You have to know whose toes not to step on. A military wife needs to know that this isn't just a job, this is who he is, and we can't stand in the way. We have to always back him, always be supportive, always help him do what he needs to do.

My husband is currently in Iraq, and the months before he left were a roller coaster. He was constantly moving, his dates were constantly changing, my work came second because I had to keep changing my days off to coincide with his. Military dates are always unreliable. As we say, don't trust the date is for sure unless you're on your way, and even then be leery.

We deal with it because we are strong, and because our military men are worth it. But, a lot of women don't deal with it. They cheat, or they send divorce papers over to Iraq like a coward, or just plain leave. Its sad. Don't get into it unless you have no doubts you can do it. He doesn't deserve that. Just because of the commitment he's made, he doesn't deserve that. Good luck. Analyze how strong you are, and feel free to e-mail with any questions. Its not an easy life. Those from civilian families can never truly understand.

Joyous- I have NEVER heard of military wives OD'ing left and right. Furthermore, everyone deserves a wife and a family, even military members. Its ridiculous to state that they should just not have wives and families because they are in the military. Thats why you are an EXXXXX military wife!!!

Also... the oil field is just as bad as the military? HAHA...

Answer 3

Sorry, not a military wife but I have to tell ya Crystal LeeAnn has given you one of the best answers there is. She doesn't deserve that thumbs down c**p.

If you make this choice, stand by your man and be the best you can be since your man is putting his life on the line to give you the right to make these choices. Also, know your man to the very center of his core so that you know he will give you the same trust and faithfulness in return.

Answer 4

My husband just retired this year from the Military after serving for 22 years. He and I married 10 years ago and I quickly found out Military life was harder then I thought, but it was also an incredible experience.

Military life isn't as unpredictable and last minute as many people think. As a mater of fact, I found it to be very consistent! I knew I would be moving every 2 to 3 years, I knew what to expect from the new duty station before I got there because I was able to research it. Yes, there are times hat my husband had to leave and be away from home, but even that was usually not a surprise. I always had somewhat of a notice before he had to go anywhere.

As much as I love living my civilian life now where my husband has a regular 9 to 5 job, where I don't have to pull the kids out of school and move them to a new city, where I don't have to leave friends every few years....I still had a lot of fun as a Military wife! I met so many great people and I got to see so, so much! Our last duty station was in Italy and I got to travel al over Europe! The best part? I got to share that with my husband and kids! It was amazing!

Military life isn't easy, but if you're in love and committed to one another, the relationship can work:)

Answer 5

Either you are born a military wife or you are not! There is no way around it. It takes a special woman to put up with the bs that the military dishes out for your man and your family.

All I can tell you for myself is..the military ruined our marriage and I divorced him over it.

I was always so shocked watching the other wives. I have never seen so many woman taken to the hospital for Od'ing. They were always so unhappy and miserable. And if they were not they were always complaining about other woman. I have never seen a worst community than a military community. I have lived on many military bases across the states. It just wasn't for me.   I think if a man or woman is going to commit their life to the military, they should do just that and not make wives and children who didn't ask for it suffer and move constantly to places where their daddy isn't even at while they are there.

You better man sure you love your man to death and beyond is my advice before you marry a military man!

Answer 6

Im not married to a soldier but i do have two brothers that are in the military.

They have done Afghanistan and Bosnia twice each. And we are a close family.

When i needed them most, they werent there... (i was never close to my dad)

So , I just dealt with it....I knew that it made them happy, and that inturn made me happy. Its not like they stopped supporting me in life or anything....

I just realized that it was not just a job, or a postition... it is what made them who they are.

So my advice it to accept and to tollerate it. It makes him happy... YOu can still talk, email etc when he is away...(most of the time)

And jsut be reassured that he is doing what he loves...

Answer 7

You just need to consider if you can handle being away from him, if/when he has to leave for long times. And can you stand to be away from your family and friends and all alone (maybe) for a few months at a time?

I know someone that couldn't handle it so she cheated on her husband and spent most of his money while he was in Iraq. So, so, so, so, so, wrong!  

Answer 8

I am not married to someone in the military, but in the oilfield and it is just as bad.  Here is what you do.  When you love him, stand by him.  Support what ever comes along and do your best to make his life a bed of roses.  Make things as easy on him as possible.  Even spoil him to a point.

My husband works 7 on and 7 off right now.  He is changing jobs and will be gone more.  He will only be able to come home for a day or two every 2 months.  I support what he is doing and why.  I will make every decision he makes an easy one here at home.  We discussed every option and I left the final decision up to him.  He made it and no matter how I don't like it, I have already spoken my peace and I support his decision without any fuss.  Like Ruth told Naomi, whether thou go-est, I will go.  Whether thou lodge-st, I will lodge.  Thy people shall be my people, thy God, my God.  While my husband is working this new job, I will make every effort to go see him and take the kids too.  I will make sure all is well here at home and I will not go out with girlfriends to bars or anywhere there will be temptations.  I love and respect my husband and will be here for him no matter what.