Missing rehearsal dinner-upsets the bride!!!?

Question

Your Question

Maid of honor misses rehearsal!!!!?

I'm not sure what to do...... I'm the Maid of Honor in a good friend's wedding (in a few weeks) and i've been helping her plan it for well over a year. the thing is..... i just found out that my boyfriend and i won an all expenses paid vacation for the week before her wedding and i would be returning from the trip the day of her rehearsal. BUT it's very possible that i will be an hour late or worst case scenario-miss it completely due to the flight times!!! My friend is acting very upset by the possibility that i will miss her rehearsal and i don't know what to do. i don't think it's fair for her to be upset with me about this when i have put so much time, money i don't really have and hard work into helping her with her wedding. my boyfriend and i have never been able to afford to take a vacation together and this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for us. i've contacted the company about the possibility of changing flight times (not a very good possibility-they will let me know in a week) or, changing dates (also-not a very likely that will be an option-will also know in a week). when i told her that i might be a little late to her rehersal she got upset- how can i tell her i might miss it completely!!! she is very stressed out right now so i don't want to add more stress but i also feel like it's my duty to tell her what could happen. any advice would really be helpful. thanks=)

Answer 1

I don't know....the logical side of me says, go and have fun...the bride side of me says if my moh bailed on a vacation and missed the rehersal I'd be pissed, god forbid you have to ask her what you're supposed to do...

I agree with Nova and Mrs H....and the MOH duties that she knew you'd be there for are pretty much ALL during the week before the wedding....there's 12,000 things to do while you're on vacation.

Like I said...I don't know.....but as a bride, I'd be livid if my MOH abandoned me for the beach during the most stressful week of my life...

it's all in the title honey....Maid of Honour.....You should be there.

It's not like you spent the money yourself and honestly....she's the one who deserves to go on a vacation after planning the weddig

Answer 2

As a bride, I can understand why she's upset. It's the shock of something not going perfectly. She's stressed and anxious and it's hard to deal with these kinds of things. Not to mention she will probably just want you there to share the day with. The rehearsal is not as important as the actually wedding day, obviously, but it IS very important.

But you shouldn't feel guilty. If you've done your part as you've said, by helping her along the way, after she calms down, talk to her again, explain that it IS a once in a lifetime opportunity, and that you will be there to support her on the actual wedding day as much as possible. Just reassure her that you won't be flaky after getting back from vacation and you'll be ready to help her that day with anything she needs. That could be another reason she's upset ... because she thinks you'll still be in vacation la-la land when you get back (because your arrival home is so close to the wedding.

The best to handle it is to see where she's coming from and ease her issues from every angle. Don't forget that her wedding is a once in a lifetime thing as well :)

Answer 3

Congratulations on winning that trip!!!

As others have indicated, just let your friend know that you will be returning the day of her rehearsal and will make every effort to attend, but you will be traveling that day, so anything can happen.  Also, reassure her that you will be there the day of the wedding and remind her that you have happily supported her throughout the past year and wouldn't miss her wedding for anything.  Just keep emphasizing how important this wedding is to you and she'll be fine.

Have a great trip!!!!!!

Answer 4

I agree with Nova Queen on this one!

Let's say you get stranded on this freebie vacation...and you can't make it back for the wedding?  Or flights become so crazy that you end up coming home later than you expected....sh*t happens.  I'm sure this is what the bride is thinking.  She's feeling like you will be missing an important event that you promised to be at.  When you become a bride yourself, you will understand exactly how she is feeling.  

I don't think she feels ill-will towards you, just upset because it does throw an unknown wrench into things.  You're the MOH....not someone handing out the programs...so you do have a very important position is this girl's wedding.  

You're obviously going on your trip....just be prepared with a Plan B with the bride just in case the worst happens.

Answer 5

I know that her wedding is her day, but you cannot put your whole life into her day.  You need a break as well.  It is NOT LIKE YOUR MISSING THE WEDDING.  So it shouldn't be that big of a deal.  You helped her through the whole planning process and she should be thankful for that.  You'll be right in front of her in the wedding and right next to her during the recital.  i think the least she could do for you, is let you have your vacation.

Answer 6

Okay, it's totally understandable for her to be upset.  This is her special day and the purpose of a rehearsal is to make sure everyone knows what to do and when to do it.  The rehearsal eases the bride's mind that everyone will do what they are supposed to do & it will all work out perfectly.  Since you may be late or not there, this is definitely an area of concern for her; it makes it worse b/c you are the maid of honor.

Also, keep in mind that most women get very dramatic & emotional when they become brides to be; they may even get irrational at times.  Not justifying it, just naming it for you.

On the flip side, of course, you want to take this va-ca, & you should!  It is terrible that it coincides with the rehearsal, but that may be out of your hands.  

The thing to do is tell her the truth.  That after all the things you have helped with along the way and with her being your bud & all, you feel absolutely terrible about the timing.  However, you will never get this opportunity again and even though you have tried to change the flight, etc. it doesn't look like that's going to happen.

Then ask what you can do to make her more at-ease in the fact that your part will go smoothly at the actual ceremony.  Have her sit down with you and her planner if she has one & tell you all the details of the service.  Who you are walking with, and when; what song you are walking to; what she expects of you that day as far as help for her.  

You will not be able to keep her from being upset, but try this to help!  Also, on the day of the wedding, give her a special gift you bought on your trip and really be there for her all day!

Answer 7

The rehearsal is just that - a rehearsal for the wedding that YOU committed to being in.  I can appreciate that you don't want to miss this awesome freebie vacation, but you made a committment to the bride and next to the wedding day, the rehearsal is really essential for you to attend.  So I completely understand her being upset with you.

All you can do is what you are doing - try to change flight times and/or weeks you will be away.  The other possibility is to asking the bride if the rehearsal could be before you go on this trip - - but that might not be do-able if she has a number of people travelling that are also in the wedding party (they won't be able to arrive that far beforehand).

Answer 8

Well, while weddings are important you need to look out for yourself. Hopefully she will understand. I would take the trip if you can get her to go along with it. Make sure she realizes that when dealing with airports you really have little control over what may happen. I had about a dozen delays on one trip that ended with me taking a 12 hour bus ride (that was only supposed to be 9 hours, shorter than the wait for a plane) from Texas to Kansas City and over all about 24 hours of delays. It is unlikely this will happen, but she may want to prepare for the slim possibly that you get stuck 3 states away the night before her wedding. I still think its worth it to try and make it work, it may not be worth losing a friend over but you should try your best to take advantage of this opportunity!

Answer 9

Sit her down and explain to her that its just a rehursel. Your still going to be in the wedding and how many times do you win a trip? She would probably go on the trip if she was in your shoes. Let her know that you have been helping her for a year now and she can handle the dinner on her own. It's only one day anyways. She's kind of being a big baby if you ask me.  

Answer 10

If I was the bride I'd be helping you pack!

Answer 11

To be honest... you have been given an amazing opportunity to take some time and go on a real vacation with your boyfriend. You are not going to  miss the wedding and you have been there for her all along the way. She should understand. Its the rehearsal... not the wedding! Just let her know that you are going to be at the wedding to support her on her day, even the night before. But in the end, we would all hope that she would understand. Good luck.

Answer 12

I think she will get over it. You deserve some special time too. Perhaps you can convince her that you don't need the rehearsal time. Have you been a bridesmaid before?

I'm guessing she is more upset about missing your presence than the actual rehearsing. Just reassure her that her wedding is extremely important to you, but that you probably will not have an opportunity like this again in your lifetime.

Answer 13

She'll get over it.

Go a have a good time.

Good luck

PS/ Do not miss the wedding! Free flights have a lot of restrictions and if you are flying space-A , then you may be stuck with no way out in the middle of nowhere. Have a plan B to get back on time for the wedding.