Mom doesn't visit nor does she care for her son's daughter (grand daughter)... her only grandaughter..?

Question

Born out of wedlock.. But loved by her parents.. When she was born, no one, absolutely no one, went to hospital to see her (my sister lives thirty miles away only)... Five years ago she was born.. at the time I was so excited I did not notice nor did I care no one went to see her.. Five years later, I do realize and grand ma says I should not dwell on that - problem is that in five years her grand pa has not sent her one gift, has only seen her once, and grand ma has seen her only three to four times.. Aunty has seen her (in 5 years) two to three times..

I say *@#@ them I should alienated those people.

Any anecdotes and support (for my legitimate feelings towards my alleged parents and siblings)...?

Thx.

Answer 1

Im sorry. Personally I dont think anyone but the parents of the baby should be at the hospital. It is not a place for a party and too much drama occurs at that time.  But that said, I think most likely that your parents have their rigid beliefs religious or moral or whatever, and arent going to change. It must hurt you so much, but instead of dwelling on what cannot be, try to focus your attention on your sweet five year old. If you have a birthday party and later a graduation for her, do invite them and the aunt. But if they wont attend, forget about it. There are lots of good people to be friends with who can take the place of your rejecting family. They are the total losers.

Answer 2

If someone treated my kids like that, they would not be a part of my life. My kids come first. I'm with you on this one.  

Answer 3

That's really screwed up.  It's unfortunate that your girl has family all around her but not involved in her life.  She has her parents, though.  The day might come when they need her and she won't be there for them.  I'm really sorry to hear this.  I would just keep her away from them if they are so reluctant to accept her.

Answer 4

(Just as an aside - it was not clear to me - are you the child's mother?  And is it the father's parents and your sister who show no interest in your daughter?)

Anyway, it is a sad circumstance that the grandparents/aunts show no interest in your little girl.  It is so important for children to know their relatives, particularly grandparents.  I suspect that the grandparents are angry at their son for fathering the child, but are taking that anger out on the child (and on you).  As for your sister, is she like that will all her nieces & nephews, or just your child?  If the former, I wouldn't take it too personally.  If the latter, well, shame on her.

I suggest you adopt the upper hand and be gracious.  Neither alienate nor court these people.  Let the father know that you would love for your daughter to have a relationship with her grandparents, and that if they are interested, you will make the child available.  If they do not want to see you, their son could bring the child by for a visit.  Send them pictures of her from time to time with no expectation of getting anything in return.  For the time being, that is 100% of what you can do.

Meanwhile, I suggest living your own life, being there for your daughter - teaching her by example what it means to be gracious and kind while at the same time keeping self-respect.

Good luck!

Answer 5

Have you ever given her a birthday party and invited the family? Try doing that. Make sure you send the invitations at least two months in advance. If they don't show up or respond in a positive manner then go speak with them. Tell them how your feeling. (Not in front of the child of coarse). Maybe you can get some resolution by approaching the subject in a mature calm way. They may not even understand that they are making you feel this way. They may not be the nurturing grandparent types of people that you want them to be, but you may be able to help them along by going to see them and getting them more involved. And they won't even see it coming.  

Answer 6

my family is the same was,they have never been to a birthday party or even graduation. i have given up and vist them only once every few years but i send pictures and remind them of childrens birthdays. when i call they say who's this oh its been so long i forgot you, i tell them the telephone devise works both ways and i wk full time and they are the retired ones.