Mom fooling herself about her boyfriend?

Question

Ok, well my mom has been with her boyfriend for about 4 years and lived with his drinking problems since then, given him umpteen chances and still puts up with it She kept saying how this is the "last ditch effort" chance he's giving him (He just got out of jail today) She has said that if he is drunk or has drank at all when she gets him from jail that she was going to call it quits with him.

Even though I could tell he was drinking when they came home (he got let out in the morning, Mom couldn't pick him up till she was done with work at 12:30)

My mom has quit drinking for almost 9 years now and said she is tired of living like this, with his drinking. He has tried to go to the meetings but stopped going, claiming it was too expensive. He always lies to her, tries joking about it when she tries talking to him about it (avoids the subject)

She actually said recently that she was just going to ignore it if he was drunk and see how it goes (which I don't understand how that will help anything) but yet goes on and on about how this is the test (even though he had obviously been drinking today) and yet just sits there and puts up with it. Telling me she isn't going to be putting up with it anymore!

All my Mom does is get upset with me when I try to talk to her about it.

I just don't want to see her get hurt for the millionth time again and sit there and stress about him, getting breakouts from it too. He will end up putting us at risk for eviction out of the trailer/park we recently moved into (which we had to move because of him in the first place)

What is wrong with her? Why is she doing this, or I should say why has she been doing this?

Answer 1

I am sorry for your situation.  I don't know why your mom is doing this, but she should break it off with him.  Maybe your mom has insecurity problems of her own or does not think she deserves to have a relationship with someone who is not an alcoholic...how old are you? If you are under 18, and your mom is bringing the alcoholic into your home...that is not fair to you. You need to tell her this.  If you are 18 or older, then you should leave the situation.  You cannot control your mom's choices because she is an adult.  You can tell her that as an adult also, you are choosing to live above destructive relationships.  Tell her that if she wants to be in a destructive relationship then that is her choice, but you are not going to be a part of it.  Get a job and move out to support yourself if you are over 18.  Tell your mom that until she decides to choose to love herself and leave this alcoholic man (who won't get help and does not want help), that you cannot have a relationship with her because you do not want to take on the baggage of this alcoholic relationship.  That is what I would do...tell her she is setting a bad example for you.

Answer 2

Your mom believes she loves him and can help him because of her own needs and wants. She is only going to get angry with you for telling her what she already knows deep down inside. You should try to go to alanon or a counsolor of some type and learn how to cope for yourself. Your mom is a big girl and she will soon come to the end of it all. sometimes we as parents aren't really grown up, we still make mistakes and allow our hearts to guide us. It hurts I know but if you are there for her when its over, she will be fine. don't let this bring you down or divide you and your mom. she will need you just don't let her know that. also get a book on alcoholism and read it. don't show anyone honey cause theres really nothing you can do. remember to talk to her is causing her to be angry and when she does whats right, then she will know she is wrong.....ok take care

Answer 3

she wants you to mind your own business its her life and her choice as to who she lves with,when your old enough you can leave and take your opinions with you.