Mom of biracial/black kids ?'s?

Question

My daughter is mixed...my husband is african american and cherokee. I am white. My daughter who is nine has been having problems at school. She says that no one wants to be her friend and that nobody will play with her because she is brown. She is real upset about this. I asked her if they tell her that is why they will not play with her and she said "No that is just what" she thinks. There is only one other brown kid in her school. She is a new girl. My daughter says that she is the only kid who will play with her. How can I support her through this?

I told her that I think it is better to have only a couple friends because you get to know them better that way, and will maybe end up being friends for longer.

PS...We live in a small town in Massachusetts, with not many people who are not white.

Answer 1

tell the principal.  or talk to the class

Answer 2

all you really can do is tell her that some people are closed minded and dont know how to take everyone for who they are. and that she will always run into people in her life that will treat her wrong but she just has to stay strong and confident and not let them get to her b it is their loss that they are not her friend.

Answer 3

Sounds to me like people in your town should grow up and teach their children better..ie...treat others how you would like to be treated regardless of color or anything else for that matter!!! I really feel bad for you lil girl...childhood and school days are hard.....but I feel even more sorry for the children that havent been taught better that are probably missing out on having a really good friend!!!

Try talking to her teacher and express your concerns and see what she says!

Answer 4

I think you should ask your husband if he gets the same impressions from the adults in the neighborhood. Prejudice kids do not come from tolerant and acceepting parents. It sounds like you love your daughter very much, but your husband would probably be a better support. she may think you do not understand because you are not "brown." You should also think about moving into a more tolerant place if this is going to be continued. It would not be good for anyone in your family, including you.

Also, try to talk to the parents of the other brown kid. They may have some insight on how they handled it.

Hope this helps.

Answer 5

My niece, who is 11, went through this stage for quite a long time, principally because her own mother had issues with the fact she had a child of mixed race - she used to say to her, "you're not black, you're just a 'nice' colour".

I felt strongly that my niece should be proud of her heritage, and encouraged her to have regular contact with her dad's side of the family to increase her self-esteem (my niece now lives with me). If there have been any issues at school, I have addressed them with the staff and have spent time with my niece trying to build up her self-confidence. One of the things I have done is encourage good friendships with sleepovers with a select few rather than a large number of kids - as you said, it is better to have a few good friends rather than many 'acquaintances', and that is also through personal experience.

Your daughter is getting to a point where she will be more aware of what is happening in the wider world, and will think that her colour is a reason for people not wanting to get along with her - after all, we do live in a world where racism is an issue. I remember one little bi-racial girl saying to her white mother that when she grew up and got married then she would become white - because the only women she saw in magazines waering wedding dresses were white women! Her mother was horrified, as she has spent considerable time ensuring that her children were proud of their heritage.

Anyway, it sounds as though you are doing the right things. Make contact with the school and check out that there are no other issues that may be causing upset (school-work, bullying, have you just moved to the area?) If you have the opportunity, volunteer to help with an activity at school, not necessarily one that your daughter is involved in, just so you can keep tabs on what is happening and establish more contact with the teachers. Encourage your husband to address this with you. Is there any possibility the issue here is not of having black roots but of having white roots (you mention that the town does not have many white people)? She should be proud of who she is, and I am sure you are supporting her 100% with this. I started doing a family tree with my niece, and she is really excited about this project. She is learning not only about her black roots but her white roots as well!

As other contributors have said, encourage your daughter to look more into her ancestry and be proud of all her heritage - black, cherokee and white!

Answer 6

Maybe you should arrange for an activity for the girls to do together like a sleepover.  It is possible that the girls may not know your child that well. Have you ever visited the classroom?  My son came home from school saying that no one liked him and when I talked to the teacher and visited I saw different. We ended up inviting a friend over for a sleepover and I think it helped boost his confidence.  Perhaps you could  meet up with one of the other kid's mothers and arrange something that way.  Is your daughter involved in any type of athletics or organizations?  A lot of times it is a good chance for your child to make friends that don't necessarily go to the same school.

Answer 7

she is feeling like she doesn't fit it becasue she looks different than most of her peers.  she is naturally going to gravitate to people who she has most in common w/, thus a friend w/ the same color skin.  That is normal.  My kids school principal tells me that at her school that in the lunch room all the different races segregate themselves.  they don't have assigned seating, but they group themselves together.  interesting, huh?  i only mention that because i thought it was interesting.  You need to explain that they don't think any differently because of her skin color.  You may have to tell her that over and over again.  Hopefully its true.  maybe you can find ways to get her together w/ other more diverse friends. Like boys and girls club sports.  since her school doesn't have alot of diversity, maybe some other organization does.

Answer 8

That is awfully sad. Many people believe that they are left out because of skin color, but that is often not the case. If she is insecure about her skin color, and so she is really shy, people may find her unapproachable. As an African - American, living in a predominantly white area all my life, I never experienced trouble with finding friends, and was never really friends with the other black kids. It is a good thing that your daughter found someone to play with. Suggest to her that she start talking to other kids she might want to make friends with. Kids will be more likely to invite someone to play if they know them a little better. Most schools also have a counselling office where she can go, and talk about friend problems, and many schools even have lunch groups for kids interested in making new friends, or simply meeting new people. Also, try joining Girl Scouts, or another fun activity. Being a Girl Scout helped me meet many new people, and develop many new interests when I was younger.

Answer 9

I agree with having a get together with some girls from school. Having a get together outside of school can get them to connect and see eachother differently.

Answer 10

i would tell your daughter that there are many bad people in the world and that they have opinions that make them look bad. but now she knows their real charctersitsic

Answer 11

well im biracial.. and lucklly i had a supportive family.. my mom is black though... that shouldnt matter though.. your daughter is at the stage of "awarness" meaning she is starting to realise her differences and that she is not white.. what u need is a mixture of races so she doesnt feel like she has to look more white inorder to feel excepted or be excepted. .. u kno.. thats why its always good to have the black parent involved to.. so if her father is there he should maybe teach her more about her black culture and show her its nothing to be ashamed about.. thats what my parents did.. i went to a mostly white school and i felt the same way when i was around her age.. but thanks to my mother i learnd to accept my black side.. and we went to an all black church so it wasnt like i didnt appreicate my black culture or didnt know about it.. that helped me alot.. i eventually made friends once I started to accept both of my sides.. fully.. and except the fact that i am DIFFERENT!

god bless your daughter and your family

kesha <333

Answer 12

My mom raised me to not care what other kids think of me. That made me more confident and to be proud of my heritage. Maybe you should try something like that, or educating her on the history of both her heritages. Maybe hearing all the cool things her ancestors did will make her feel better.

Answer 13

Try having her invite a couple of the kids over after school or on a weekend for a couple hours. It could be that the other kids just don't know your daughter and don't really get a chance to get to know her at school. I don't know about in Massachusetts, but in Delaware, where we are, my kids get only a 15-20 min recess if any.

Maybe you should try to meet other parents of kids in your daughters class and set something up for her. She just needs a little help getting started. But you are right, 2 or 3 true friends are worth a whole lot more than 10 crappy ones!

Answer 14

This is exactly why I'm against mixing races. You were very selfish for producing children in this relationship because you should have known they were going to be teased and made fun of. Way to go.