Mom tells me I am forgiving to a fault, is it really that bad to be a forgiving person.....

Question

I tend to forgive ANYBODY for ANYTHING, as long as they are truly sorry and forthcoming with me. I don't see this as a bad thing, and I never allow others to continue abusing me or my family. Grudges just seem so wasteful to me, they take time and energy from myself and my family.

Even if an offense was perpetrated more then once I am able to forgive the person for it again and again. I feel that obviously there is something going on in that persons life that is making them react that way to me because I never do things to intentionally hurt people, so I prefer to help them through it in any way they need, that has to start with forgiveness right?

This is something I want to teach my children, tempered of course with the knowledge that you should not allow yourself to be a doormat for ANYONE. Or am I wrong?

Answer 1

if you keep forgiving the same person for the same thing over and over then yes

Answer 2

I agree.  there's nothing wrong with forgiveness.  it can be a great, healing thing. There's a big difference between forgiving someone for something, and accepting/tolerating what they did, letting them do it again, etc.  forgiveness is more like letting go.  it's not excusing the person or saying the person is great, etc.

Answer 3

Forgiveness is a gift and some us need to learn it. I am really happy that there are some kind people left in the world.

Answer 4

Forgiving someone is okay, but if they do the same thing to you over and over again...perhaps you should not forgive them again down the road so easily...

I'm a forgiver but some deeds need not be forgotten.

Answer 5

It is good and right to be forgiving but I think the problem your mom has is that it's to a fault.  If you are getting taken advantage of or walked on then there may be a problem.  

Answer 6

i admire you. i'm struggling with the opposite problem. i'm trying not to hold grudges and just to let things go. teach your kids this, but also teach them to be cautious.

Answer 7

I agree with you, its not worth to hold a grudge...i forgive and move on...but what i learned is....when u forgive over and over and over and that person is not learning to respect me or meet me halfway...it's in bad crowd and putting me down where I can be in a better place and get a better in return, so i would less hang out with that person and hang out more with others who respect me.  

Answer 8

My Mom said the same thing to me: "You've forgiven more than I'd be able to."  I didn't realize she meant it negatively at first, because I consider it a good thing.  I think you're right in forgiving and in passing that value/trait on to your kids.

Answer 9

I agree with you, but sometimes struggle putting the ideas into practice in my own life.  

I try to remember nice little zen pieces about forgiveness, whenever I find myself in that unforgiving spiral:

Two Tibetan Monks meet each other a few years after being released from prison, where they had been tortured by their jailers.

“Have you forgiven them?” asks the first

“I will never forgive them! Never!” replies the second

“Well,” says the first monk, “I guess they still have you in prison, don’t they?”

Answer 10

i think it's great that you can find the good in people, but there is a place where you should draw the line. when people start taking advantage of you. and you know who they are!

Answer 11

I am the same way!  I truely think I have only held one grudge in my life...  I like to see the better side of people and I think that there are too many people that focus on the negative in life or just simply like to spite people.  I see absolutely nothing wrong with forgiveness.  Besides we are not the ones that judge in the end right.

Good luck and keep up the positive attitude!  After all that is part of what makes you YOU!

Answer 12

Good for you. You have a great philosophy of life, and being forgiving isn't a bad thing. You should be proud of yourself.  

Answer 13

As long as you are not being continually harmed by forgiving someone, I think its a good thing.  I try not to hold grudges as well.  Life it too short, and you're right, it takes ALOT of effort to hold a grudge.  My husband's family never forgives anyone and as a result half of them don't speak to one another for reasons I feel are stupid, and its just such a waste to me.

I'm big on forgiving and moving on, but I don't forget.  I think if you go that route, it doesn't allow you to be taken advantage of or be put in a hurtful situation again.

Answer 14

I think its a bad idea to continually forgive someone who keeps doing wrong. Only those who are sorry for what they do- and DO NOT DO IT AGAIN, should be forgiven...

You can also forgive and still not have to tolerate certain behavior.

Answer 15

Just remember forgiveness is one thing Trust is another a persons trust should be earned back it is great to forgive people but you don't have to forget what they did or allow them in your life anymore! You need to make sure you are not allowing people to take advantage of you and be watchful of how people treat you and be quick to forgive but slow to trust and be burned