Mom want to adopt my baby?

Question

so how does it work? i only trust my mom to take care of my child and it is best to have her name on the birth certificate and all that stuff so the baby will never find out what happened here..

the reason of this being because both my mom and i came into a mutual agreement.. since she cannot have anymore kids, and her and her new husband wants one to raise together, i allow her to adopt my baby. I'm still in college and so close to graduating and Im not as stable. I would feel miserable knowing that i cannot take care of my child. So anyways.. we agree to this.. but we dont want anyone to know and we dont ever want the baby to find out about it.. YES it would be weird having the baby call me her big sister but it will make everyone happy! so if u have something mean to say, please keep it to yourself. It was a hard decision.. Oh, and if you're wondering wheres the father, he couldnt handle me being pregnant, period.

anyways.. How does it work? thanks in advance

Answer 1

I agree with everybody. The child will need to be told. I mean what in the world are you going to tell the child when the child get's older. Please be truthfull to all involved. Not only that you do need the natural father to agree with this if not there is another lie.

        Good Luck

Answer 2

You and your mother need to see a lawyer.  It will be okay, but I wouldn't keep it from this child as they are growing up.

Answer 3

it think it would be great, and in the best interests of everyone, including the child.  Just make sure that you're truthful from day one.  There is no shame in the child knowing that they're raised by their grandparents because mom was too young and not ready.  It's not like you won't play any role in his/her life.  You just won't be a primary parental figure.  Just the biological mother.  Always be truthful though, because anything less will be disastrous and require lots of therapy.

Answer 4

Harsh. I am not being mean here. You should have been more responsible. You got pregnant. The dad is a dead beat then you make sure half of everything he makes goes to you and the kid.

Why make your child suffer for your lack of responsibility?

Again I said it before all I see in here is me me me me me.

That will so s***w that kid up for life if he finds out.. That is perhaps one of the meanest things I can think of doing a to child.

Answer 5

Sorry - as an adoptee - this is seriously f**ked up.

Lies lies lies lies.

And more lies.

Do NOT let your mother dictate to you - what to do.

Stand up for YOUR child.

You ARE this child's mother.

Your mother can still adopt the child - or become the legal guardian - but why on earth must you start this poor child's life off with a bunch of twisted lies?????

You may not like my answer - but h**l - I'm sticking up for your child here - something you both don't seem to want to do.

UGH.

ETA:  hugz eeekkk - I just wanted to get you thinking sweetie.

Email me anytime.

Poss. xx

Answer 6

The baby WILL find out about it at some point.

Secrets in families are toxic

Answer 7

You can do a private adoption with a lawyer. I think it's about $5,000 (maybe less because you are related?). But there is national Adoption day I think in October where it is free... I am sure you can google it.

But I have to tell you the baby will find out someday, which might turn out to be OK. I know one family that did the exact same thing and the kid did find out... but hey who knows.... I think it depends on who all knows. You could also do a open adoption where you can get letters, sometimes they let you involved in the babys life..... some people will even let you and the baby have a relationship where you are the birth mom and the adoptive mom is the 'mom'. I have tried forever to find a birth mom ;-)  It is a hard thing on both ends I think.

Answer 8

Certainly your Mother can adopt your child.

But from personal experience I highly suggest you dont try to keep this a big secret- the child will find out eventually and once again from personal experience its better to be honest with the child from the beginning. You dont have to tell her that you are the "birth mother" but do need to tell her she is adopted and then when she is older she can be told the rest of the story.

The one good thing about this kind of adoption is that you get to watch the child grow up = you dont miss out on all the good stuff.

Answer 9

This is a hard decision, my heart goes out to you.

It sounds like your Mom and her husband's 'dream' of having a child is taking over here though. I agree, you can't keep this from your child and have it work. That would be a ticking time bomb of a secret.

Put their 'dream' out of your mind and make the decision solely based on what's best for your baby. Talk to someone that you can trust that isn't involved with your Mom. Explore other options just to get a different view on this. If in the end you really want your Mom to adopt your child (and only if that is based on your wishes, not hers) then I agree about the no secrecy here.

Hang in there.

Answer 10

Never lie to them about their adopted status, honey.  Even if it is a kinship adoption, your child should know about being adopted and who his/her natural mother is from very early on, even before they understand what that means.

Answer 11

IMO, lies and fake family relations are a major no no... why not suggest that your mom assist you with parenting your child?

Answer 12

=|

I dont really think that was the best idea.

And the child will have to find out one day.

Answer 13

First of all, I can't tell you the horror stories I've heard about families that lie to the child. If you do it, then you need to be honest from the get go. Why lie?

You are in college and about to graduate? I was a single mom and I got plenty of financial aid to get by on. I don't mean "plenty" as in we had anything we wanted, but we got by, I had to be frugal. You are about to enter the job market and you should be able to take care of your child. If you really need some help, just for the time, do a guardianship, don't do a full adoption. What about the father? He has to relinquish his parental rights, or if your child is adopted by your parents, he can come back years later, contest it, and probably win. Then no one would have her. You wouldn't have any legal recourse. You have terminated your rights.

Please reconsider, it sounds sortof like you're trying to do something for your mom. Best wishes.