Mom wants to throw me a bridal shower,but expects me to pay.?

Question

Should I not have a bridal shower?She has the money,but expects my fiance and I to pay for it cause we have good jobs.She doesn't work.My dad gives her money.but I have never heard of a bride throwing her own shower unless theres

money issues involved with the ones wanting to throw it.

Answer 1

No, you should not pay for your own shower!  Your mom sounds a bit ridiculous.  Can you talk to your father about this at all?  If not, tell your Mom to either fund the shower or not have one at all because you simply should not have to pay for your own party in your honor.

Answer 2

Neither you nor your mother should be throwing your shower anyway. It is in the worst possible taste for immediate family -- much less the bride herself -- to throw her own shower.  An aunt or cousin could do it -- or your maid of honor/bridesmaids. But NOT parents or siblings or yourself. It is far too much like a gift grab if a family essentially says ``Come and give my daughter gifts for her new home so we have to do less to help them.``

Now for whomever does ultimately give you a shower if you have some money and want to throw it their way in the background that is no problem. In fact your bridesmaids could host the shower with their names on the invitations and RSVP and you could fund it and your mom could help plan it in the background.

But it cannot be really hosted by your mother AT ALL.  Sorry. ;-)

Answer 3

No, you should not fund your own bridal shower.  If she wants to throw you one, she should figure out how to pay for it.  Period.  It doesn't have to be fancy.  It's not required but maybe someone else will throw you one, you still have lots of time.

Answer 4

Generally, The MOB or the MOH throws the Bridal Shower.  You really shouldn't throw a bridal shower... it will be seen as super tacky and a ploy for gifts... even though that's obviously not you!

You can have a themed shower that is relatively inexpensive.  Under $200, heck, even under $50 in a pinch.  

Tons of ideas on games and such on the web and in books... the bookstore is a great place to camp out with a pile of books if they have a coffee shop and pick up some info without shelling out a lot of dough on books.

Whatever you choose to do, do what's right for you.  Good luck!

Answer 5

Hey, its YOUR wedding!   **** what anyone else wants!

I know how you are feeling, but don't let her stress you out - if you want a shower, ask one of your friends to throw it. Say no to your Mum if you think it will be better for your own piece of mind.

Remember, your wedding is supposed to be the beginning of your lives together, is this how you intend to live your life, doing what your Mother wants? If not, do your own thing, if you cannot make the change now, it won't  be any easier after the wedding.

Good luck!

Answer 6

No, you do not pay for your own bridal shower.  Are you only having one shower? Maybe your bridesmaids can help her throw it... Or an aunt or something. The bridal shower is one part of the wedding that you should not have to worry about.  Good luck!

Answer 7

WOW, real nice....I bet she tried to make you change your own diapers when you were a baby too....honestly, I have never heard of the brides mother wanting to throw her a bridal shower, but make the bride pay for it!

Answer 8

The mother of the bride should not host a bridal shower.  The Maid of Honor and Bridesmaids will probably host a shower for you, and you will not be required to pay.  

Best Wishes.

Answer 9

Ummm... NO!  If she wants to throw the shower then she should pay for it.  I would not pay for my own shower.  That may actually come across as being 'greedy' or 'needy'... I'd just as soon not have one.  

Congrats and best wishes to you!

Answer 10

I heard in the great wine that moms dont throw bridal showers...its usually a aunt, sister or a friend that does it.  you are right, you shouldnt throw yourself a shower...or pay for one either.  Maybe your mom can get with the MOH and plan a bridal shower/bachelorette party together to keep the cost down?  but if she isnt footing the bill...she shouldnt do it.

Answer 11

wow...no way the purpose for a bridal shower is to help you set up your home (because after the honeymoon and new living costs you can't afford to stock it with the nice stuff even if you have a good job...this is a taxing time) if you pay for your own shower doesn't that defeat the purpose? tell your attendants that your mom has some ideas about the bridal shower and put them in contact with her! all you should have to do is show up and write thank you cards!

Answer 12

no you do not pay for your own bridal shower

if this is the case have it at your house instead and have people bring things to eat and drink

Answer 13

tell your Mother from me, a 55 year old mother of 4 adult kids, three daughters, that the bride DOESN"Y PAY for her bridal shower....whoever is giving it IS...the groom DOESN'T pay for his gal's bridal shower, whoever is giving it does so....

either those hosting it pay for it, or they don't give one.

...and the reason why the bride doesn;t pay for her own bridal shower is this.....

A shower is a gift giving event....if the bride pays for it then she is the hostesss and it's the same as begging for gifts...very very inappropriate-check any book on etiquette. Some one else hosts the event.........and if your are a host then you pay for the event. period.

So refuse....and understand, dear that a shower is not an obligation....besides, I'm sure if word gets out that your family will not throw you a shower because  they expect you to pay for it, I'm sure your guy's family or a good friend of yours will.....good luck.

Answer 14

tell her that the bride doesnt generally pay for it, that if she wants to throw it you can help but you wont pay for it all

Answer 15

It's traditional for the Maid of Honor and other attendants to pay for the shower, are you having attendants?

Does your mom have her own source of income, or just what your father gives her? Does the money that he gives her cover all of her monthly expenses, so that she can afford to pay for your shower?

Aren't your parents going to be paying for some of your wedding?

Have you asked your dad for some money, or are you leaving it all up to your mom?

Answer 16

Then she's not throwing it.

Not everyone has a bridal shower...

Answer 17

I would tell her that unless someone else is paying, you're not having a shower. I dont think you should have to pay for your own..usually the bridal party puts it together and pays.

Answer 18

Definitely no. Mom's aren't even supposed to throw the shower at all anyway. I would ask her to talk to the girls standing up for you or Aunt's to see if they want to help host. Giving money to help with favors or something small I don't think is a problem but not paying for the whole thing.

Good Luck

Answer 19

Sounds to me like your Dad is awfully controlling with the money.

Contrary to a lot of posters, anybody but the bride can throw a shower.  I agree with the other posters.  Your the honoree and you get to pay for it too? Makes no sense.

You have a choice, it seems. No bridal shower (unless someone else is going to throw it), or giving her a little money to host the shower.  If a shower is important to you, I guess you should ask your dad to fund it, fund it yourself, or get other wedding party members or relatives to help out your mom. If it isn't important to you, abandon the shower.

Answer 20

That's ridiculous, you don't throw someone a party and then hand them the bill for it. Tell her that if she wishes to throw you a bridal party then she's welcome to do so but you won't be financing it.

Answer 21

You should not pay for your own bridal shower.  That's like giving a shower for yourself.  I would tell her that you appreciate that she wants to throw a shower for you, but that you need to decline if you are funding it.  Tell her to get other people to help out with the expenses or else you don't want one.  I am sure your bridal party will step up and help out.  She really needs to follow etiquette on this one.  I find it really rude that she expects you to pay for your own shower!

Answer 22

If your budget cant do it then dont have one and explain that to your mom.

Answer 23

Actually, YOU don't get to decide if you have a shower or not. A bridal shower is a GIFT, usually from your bridal party and hosted by your MOH. BUT that's only if they decide to throw you one at all. The same thing goes for bach. parties too. Neither one are "required", but it is a wonderful gesture if your friends choose to celebrate your wedding by hosting a party in your honor.

That being said, you shouldn't be involved in planning one at all, let alone paying for it! It isn't your mother's place to "ask" for gifts by throwing the shower either. I'm sure she's just excited about all the planning and parties that come with a wedding, but she's going about it the wrong way.

If she does want to be involved she should be talking to your bridal party, not you. Good luck!

Answer 24

If she is the hostess, that term designates that SHE is throwing the pary and therefore paying for it. SHE can't throw YOU a party on YOUR money, that would make YOU the host lol. I would decline. Throwing yourself a shower doesn't seem right to me. Maybe suggest she hook up with your aunts/cousins/BMs if she wants to throw you a shower?

Good luck!

Answer 25

Your Mother is not suppose to throw you a bridal shower, a friend is suppose to do that.

Answer 26

So true!  I am from the south...mothers typically do not throw a bridal shower...that would be co-workers, friends, cousins, bridesmaids, or church members.

Answer 27

Bitter Mom is expected?

Answer 28

i don't think you should have to pay for your shower.   first of all, your maid of honor is the one that typically plans all those types of things..and she's supposed to pay for it.  but, if your mama wants to throw it for you, then she should pay.  if you don't give her the $ then she'll have to make the decision of whether to throw you a party or not have one at all.  i think throwing your own shower sends a wrong message, too.

I think you should mention to her alllllll of the other expenses you're incurring with the ceremony and rings and dress and blah blah blah.  she needs to realize that you aren't just sitting on your butt waiting for people to shower you with gifts.

Answer 29

I would not pay for my own shower at all! That's awful. A shower doesn't have to be expesive! Just a cake, some printout games from online and you can use your own dishes intead of buying paper! If she can't afford it, ask her to get some others (cousins, aunts or something to have it with her) OR have it at a restaurant and put that it's a Dutch Dinner in celebration of you and then there is no financial commitment except she should pay for your dinner!

Answer 30

having the bride pay for her own shower is beside the point....your mom shouldn't be throwing you a shower in the first place. it's extremely uncouth considering it's basically a party just so the bride can receive gifts. so by having your mom throw you a shower, no matter how generous her offer, it will come across as a bid for gifts.

typically this is a job for the bridesmaids or a close family friend.

Answer 31

Yeah, throwing someone a party and then expecting them to pay for it is really disgusting and uncool. Sorry no offense to your mother, but I can't imagine that being appropriate on any level.

According to sites like theknot.com, the MOH or a female friend or aunt/cousin etc are the ones who organize a bridal shower. They do not ask for contributions from guests or others since they will be bringing gifts, and most definitely not from the guest of honour who is the bride.

Maybe you can give your mother some other responsibility so she feels like she's contributing something, and get your attendants or close friend to organize /pay for the party. You didn't mention if anyone else has stepped up to the task or offered? Time to sit down with someone else and explain the situation. Whether you have good or bad or no job, is not the issue. There are ways to throw a party that are classy but not expensive- somehow you or some friend/relative acting as mediator needs to explain to your mother that she doesn't need to organize the party and that someone else will do it and pay for it- and as I said, give her some sort of responsibility so she feels like she is in charge of something.