Mom wants to throw me a bridal shower but wants me to pay.?

Question

To top it off,she lives four hours away and wants to have it at her house.Is this horrible?Shes got the money,but expects my fiance to pay cause she believes the man is suppose to pay for everything in the wedding.Should I not have one?I can't believe her.

Answer 1

Ok, first of all the mother or best friend usually pay for the Bridal Shower not you or your fiance. Secondly, I would tell her that you do not want to have it 4 hours away!!! That is ridiculous! You should have one still I just think maybe someone else should throw it for you!  

Answer 2

By naming herself the "hostess" she implies that she is paying. If YOU are throwing yourself a party, than YOU are the hostess, not her. You don't pay for your own shower and you certainly don't let someone else force you to do so. Just politely decline. "thanks mom but no thanks." If she gets feisty just tell her you're not interested in hosting a party at her house. Your fiance's family or your friends may throw you a shower in your area, who knows? She's a bit off-base with this one!

Good luck!

Answer 3

traditionally, its the brides parents who pay for the ceremony and reception and the grooms to pay for the honeymoon... but not many people really follow those exact traditions anymore.  i dont think its fair for her to expect for you and your husband to be to pay for the bridal shower. if you have to pay for it, i say you should decide where its going to be too! lol

good luck! wedding planning is a whoot!

Answer 4

Strict etiquette says that she shouldn't be throwing it anyhow, as it still looks like a gift grab - the assumption is that you're throwing at arm's length. You are more than correct to tell her that you and your fiance have no intention of throwing a shower for you. Let her know that if she wishes to throw one you will attend (although there is that sticky etiquette bit, if you want to dissuade her), but you aren't going to ask your fiance to throw one for her.

She is way off base even ignoring strict etiquette. If *she* wants to throw you a party then she can do so. Saying "I want you to throw a party at my place" is inconsiderate at best.

Answer 5

Yeah,that does sound kinda terrible.Especially if you say she has the money.I thought it was the brides family that paid for the wedding.Anyhow,she is your mom,so you should just sit down and talk to her& tell how you feel about the whole thing.4 hours to travel for a bridal shower is asking alot.What with the price of gas,and to have to buy a gift.Whoever pays for it is going to be taking a expensive risk because no one might not even show up for it.

Answer 6

a friend usually throws a bridal shower, sometimes one for your side, and one for the fiances side. tell her no thank you, you appreciate the thought but.that she's done enough already!

Answer 7

It would be rude for your Mother to throw you a shower, it's not appropriate for your Mom to ask people to give you gifts!  NO your fiance should NOT pay for it.  Your maid of honer should be the one putting a shower together and not 4 hrs away!

Answer 8

your fiance should not pay for the bridal party.

Usually someone  or a group of girls hosts the party - the hostess is responsible.  your the guest of honor.

Answer 9

Tell her no thanks. Mom's don't throw Briday Showers anyway. It is the best friend or bridesmaids of the bride that have the shower. The groom or groom's family pay for the rehearsal dinner, the groom's tux and the honeymoon. The bride's family pays for the wedding and reception. She is wrong.

Answer 10

Wow, I think your mom is clueless on who is supposed to pay for what.  The mom is NOT supposed to host the shower.  The shower should be hosted and organized by the bridal party, and a lot of times moms and aunts help.

Why not do some research, this web site is particularly helpful:

http://www.bridalguide.com/etiquette-tra...

Then print out the info and give it to your mom.  Then tell her what YOU want for your shower.  For example if you do not want to travel 4 hours, then don't.  If you want your bridesmaids and MOH to plan the shower, then tell them to do it and tell your mom to work with them.

I agree with you, I think she is being ridiculous.  If your bridesmaids can't plan a shower for you, it wouldn't be the end of the world not to have one!

Answer 11

When you THROW someone a bridal shower, it is their responsibility to pay. Plain and simple. If your mom doesn't want to pay, have one of your own, or I'm sure someone else (not 4 hours away) would be happy to throw you one. Maybe the MOH or something. I can't believe her either, she should want to do this for you. Sorry.

Answer 12

If you are paying she isn't throwing it for you, you are throwing it for yourself. If she really ended up doing all the work and you offered to help with the cost because you wanted her to have some help it would be one things, but somehow I have a feeling she may expect more out of you than money for this. It is very rude to ask the guest of honor to fund a party, even if it is your daughter.

Many people would get offended at her (a close family member) throwing it anyways since it can look like you are just looking for gifts. Use this as an excuse..

Answer 13

Its your shower, your nto supposed to pay for it. Your Maid of honour is supposed to organise and at least pay part of that.

If your mum is really keen on the idea then maybe have a seperate one for you and your bridesmaids to go to her and have family only like aunts and cousins or something and ask your mum for it to be a BYO- a plate of nibbles and a bottle of wine or drinks in lieu of gifts.

Answer 14

uh...I don't know where your Mom gets her info...but the parents of the BRIDE usually pay for the wedding.

The groom pays for HIS tux and the wedding rehearsal dinner.

Unless the bride and groom are paying for their own wedding...

If Mom wants to do a shower, SHE should pay for it.

If she's too stingy, then don't go...(acutally the brides maids are supposed to do the shower, if the Mom can't/won't....)

Answer 15

I agree that it is not acceptable for your mother to expect you to pay, she wants to throw you the shower so she should take full responsibility and she should be courteous to the other guests and not plan it four hours away.  Let someone else throw it for you.  I threw my self one when I was only a week away from getting married and it became apparent that nobody was going to do it for me.  I didn't want to miss out on anything just because other people were slacking.

Answer 16

My Mom & MIL arranged my shower. If she is hosting it (don't know why this is wrong people) then she should pay for it. Otherwise you are throwing your own shower and that is weird.  

Answer 17

Do people not read all the info?  This is for the shower not the ceremony or any other part of the wedding.  If your mother wants to throw you a shower then she should be responsible for the cost of it and at 4 hours away she should offer to come to your home and set everything up there where you and your friends are.  Has anyone else talked about throwing you one that you know of?   If they do then they need to just invite your mother and hopefully she'll politely accept and forget about throwing you one that she wants you guys to pay for.  Good luck and congratulations.

Answer 18

First off, it is in poor taste for any immediate family member to throw a shower; it just looks like a ploy for gifts.

So, if I were you , I would tell her that you aren't really comfortable with how this looks to guests and so even though you appreciate the thought behind the gesture, you think you'd rather let a friend throw the shower.

Just so you and she know, the only thing the groom and/or his family are supposed to pay for related to the wedding are the following:

Your rings, the honeymoon, the clothes they wear to the wedding, a gift for you, the marriage license, the minister's pay, the bridal bouquet, the corsages, & the boutonnieres.  I've been a wedding planner 17 years and have read and studied extensively every etiquette book ever written, what's her credentials?  Know what I'm saying?

Answer 19

The mother of the bride does not throw a bridal shower. It is the Bridesmaids that throw the shower. Tell her, thanks, but no thanks. Tell her if there is going to be a Bridal Shower, your bridesmaids will throw you one and she will receive her invitation in the mail.

Answer 20

It's actually improper etiquette to have your mom throw you the shower, and it's definitely improper for the bride or groom to pay for it. Also, if the people you'd wanted invited live by you and not your mom that 4 hour drive is really unreasonable. I recommend that you have a member of your bridal party throw you a shower (and pay for it).  

Answer 21

First, you mother and immediate family do not host your shower..it comes across as the family asking for gifts for you.

Second, who gives the party for you pays for it. The fiance does not pay for his gal's wedding shower.

Third, traditionally the bulk of wedding expenses are payed for by the bride's family. The groom's family pay for the flowers, the rehearsal dinner, the groom pays for the honeymoon and the rings.

I don't know where she get that......buy a book on weding etiquette and show her how it works.  

Answer 22

Simply tell her thank you but you have other plans.  Where has she been?