Mommy & Mommie & Daddy & Daddie? What do you think?

Question

OK. A little more clarification: I am a "first" mom!

Also, I have several friends with children to whom I am "Aunt" Kate or "Un-Aunt Kate" (Like the un-birthday in Alice in Wonderland...) My point is that I think kids should have the CHOICE to use their own terms and us adults should go along... JMO. I wanted to know what other families think/do.

Answer 1

I think it's dumb.

Answer 2

I have 3 wonderful step-children and my husband was quite hurt when his ex-wife had the kids call her new husband Dad without asking him.  She actually had them call my husband Daddy "Bob" and their step-dad Dad.  Well once we realized this it was a huge battle but she would not stop it.

I would have to say as a Step-Parent I understand calling both mom and dad, but that all parties have to be in agreement.  I.E. my husband should of always been Dad or Daddy and the step-dad should of been Daddy "Steve".  

As an adoptive parent, I would and am called Mama, Mommy, Mom (changes with age) to my son.  I personally do not like the Idea of calling myself and the bmom - Mommy, Mommie, they sound too much alike.  I did give him the choice though to call her Mommy "Sara", Aunt "Sara" or "Sara" and he choice to call her Aunt "Sara".  He is a smart little boy and I think he knows he wants to give her respect and their is a past, thus the Aunt part, but he knows she also is not his mommy.

Answer 3

My step son is 3. He calls me sara and his mum Mummy.

I've been with his dad 2 years and married 2 months.

We're trying for a baby and i think it will confuse him why to his baby brother or sister i'm mummy and to him i'm sara. I can see a conversation about that in the future.

Already people just assume hes mine. We all have the same surname. He has the same colour hair as me whereas his dad is strawberry blonde.

I know his bio mum (whom he lives with) would never want him to call me mum so a convo would be out of question. We keep the convos short and sweet, to avouid rows, covering topics like potty training, nursery and has he had his lunch?

I think when the time arives i'm gonna take his lead. See what he wants to do about names etc.

Answer 4

Love the idea.

You seem very at ease with who you are - instead of trying to make the children call you things that they may feel uneasy with - just so you feel better in the situation (something that too many AP's do - in my opinion).

Sometimes I think that adults just want to play power-games - all this 'who is the real mother' BS - noone is really thinking about the impact on the kids - and how they really view things.

Children handle this stuff really well if you just go with the flow.

They can understand quite well that they can have more than one mother/father/family.

That's what adoption is - just like step-families.

A blending of families.

Answer 5

i agree with you kids should have the choice and if its ok with both parties than its fine but as long as your are not forcing it than you are ok its good that these children have someone else in their lives that they know that love them

Answer 6

It sounds like that works for your family, so I think that's great.  Kids work in "descriptors" for lots of people in their family, biological parents/adoptive/step parents.  Grandparents, etc.

For a little while, my children called my mother-in-law "New Grandma" because she was the second grandma to be introduced to them.... of course, that meant they called my mom "Old Grandma" because she was the first grandma they met!  

That's changed now, but we all had a good laugh over it.

Answer 7

im a step mom as well and within the first week that my step son moved in  and he was 12 at the time he one day just came up to me and said hey mom is it ok if i do this.... at that moment my heart almost sank to my stomach but i answered his question like i usually do and later that night when i was thinking about it, it made me feel good so im thinking he calls me mom because i make him feel good.  so i dont see anything wrong or strange in your case.

Answer 8

i think you are picking at straws... as long as the children call you when they skin a knee it doesn't matter if they call you mommie or kate...

Answer 9

Since "Mommy" and "Mommie" are pronounced the same way, I think this could be very confusing.   But I do like the idea in principle.  I just think it would be better if you went with names that were pronounced differently, like "Mommy" and "Mama."

Answer 10

What ever is comfortable for all involved. My son calls my best friend Aunty Sharon even though we are not related. She even calls my son, "my boy". I have no problem with this as it just means my son has more people to love him. Maybe it is like that for you too? I am also adopted and call my biological mother mom and my adoptive mother was mom. It was weird calling for mom and having 2 people answering me but also comforting to know that both had cared for me. My son also calls my fiance "Daddy" even though OJ knows he has a biological dad who is not part of his life. OJ is happy with this and so is my fiance. He also takes a lot of pride in his stepchild and treats him like his own son. The only one who doesn't like this is my fiance's own 17 year old son who is, I think, a bit jealous because OJ is very glad to help his "Daddy" do chores willingly and JR is not so hardworking(like most teenagers!) and the Hubby points that out. I also call my grand nephew Kashtin my brother because my mom raised him from a baby.

Answer 11

I totally got a smile when I read your question. In my personal situation, that would've worked well when I was growing up.

Thanks!

Answer 12

If youre adoptiong these kids and not fostering them, I think calling you mommy is ok.. because you are their adopted mom....But if you are just fostering them and they will be going to another home eventually, I would try to refrain from letting them use the word mommy unless of course they want to... It's up to the children and I don't see anything wrong with it as long as its what they want to call you. ... However, I wouldn't want my kids going to daycare calling someone else mom!!...They are my kids and I am their mom....and I wouldn't ever call my stepmom "mom" because her and I didn't get along well but I don't see nothing wrong with that if the bio mom says its ok and the children want to call you mommie.

Answer 13

In our family, I was Mommy, and his first mom was Mamma, until recently. Now we're both just mom.