Mommy is feeling very guilty...should i change my decision?

Question

my husband and i have had plans for a couple of months, and a hotel booked, to go away for the weekend for a friends wedding. we were planning on leaving sat am, and coming home monday am but im starting to think i shouldnt go. savannah is 11 months old and ive never been away from her for more than 6 hours or so. she went thru a pretty bad bout of separation anxiety a couple weeks ago that shes been much better about recently but im scared that if i leave shes going to revert back after all of progress shes made. im not sure if i should still go, or send daddy alone. i think this trip would be great for us, we havent spent any time together jsut the two of us really since she was born but i cant stop feeling guilty thinking about leaving. what do you think?

Answer 1

I had the same situation - my son was 6 months when we went on our first hotel "overnight" without him.  I cried when we left and off and on throughout dinner.  I made my husband get up at 5:30 the next morning to drive home because I was just sure that my baby needed me and guess what...he was just fine.  We have since gone overnight a couple more times and it gets easier every time.  Every mom needs a break and every baby needs a chance to experience different settings and people.   Your baby will be just fine and you will return home renewed and ready to take excellent care of her again.   GO and HAVE FUN!

Answer 2

Take her with you???

Answer 3

There are gonna be days like this. . . GO!  You will miss her like crazy and she'll be all that you and Daddy talk about. . . BUT  that separation anxiety can only be overcome (for you and her) if you spend time apart.  Make sure she is in capable hands and call between the wedding and reception to make sure she's ok. . . and then drink your lil booty off.  She will be fine and you will be, too.  There will be days when you wish you could just have some time alone with your hubby in the future and you'll regret missing out on this opportunity!

Answer 4

Why don't you take her with you?

Answer 5

I think you should go only if your trust who is going to be watching your little girl. You may not like being away for so long, but everyone has to do it at some point.

Answer 6

You need to go as much for yourself as for your baby.  Sounds like she is way to attached to you.  You will only be gone a short while and I am sure that both you and your husband need some alone time.

If you are comfortable with the person you have watching the baby than try not to worry.  Enjoy yourself and your husband.

Answer 7

Don't feel guilty.  You should go and relax a bit - it will be good for you as a couple and good for your baby to spend time with others.  As long as you are leaving her with people you can trust i don't think you have anything to worry about.  Enjoy and relax - you deserve it

Answer 8

It depends on who your baby is staying with..... and how good they are with her and how much time they have spent with her.  It also depends on how far away for will be from her.  If it is just a few hour drive.... and you could make it home fast if need be.... that wouldn't be as hard.  If you are flying somewhere..... then I would be very stressed out about leaving my baby.  You are the only on that is able to determine if you think you and baby are ready for that separation for that period of time.  If your not going to be able to enjoy yourself because all you can do is stress about they baby...... then it would probably be a good idea to stay home.,,,,,, but if your going to be only a few hours away.... and you know that she is in good hands with people that love her and she loves...... then it won't be such a big deal to take a little time to yourself.  I think it is totally normal for any mother to be anxious and also for guilty for leaving there child for the first time..... you just need to figure out if it is just nerves making you scared to go or is it a actual fear of her not being able to do without you yet..... when you figure that out..... you will know whether or not you should go.

Answer 9

I wouldn't leave.  I TOTALLY understand wanting to do a trip with just the TWO of you.  SHE needs you more.  Why can't you just bring you baby WITH you.   She is at a good age to take on a trip.  The car ride might be a little hard, but just plan enough time for plunty of pee brakes.  She will get really wore out by all the new things, she should sleep GREAT at night!!!!  

If you really need a night with your hubby, then just plan something closer to home.  Or just leave baby with grandparents and spend the night at home.

Its not Separation Anxiety...its called being a baby and wanting MOMMY!  She is at a VERY young age and NEEDS you!  She has been around you...been inside you...you love her...feed her...play with her!!!  She loves you.  

I personaly think its a little selfish to put this trip above what your child needs/wants.

Answer 10

i think you should go!

it will be good for you and your husband, like you said.

Also, as for the separation anxiety, this will be a good reassurance that even if mommy leaves, mommy will always come back.  

Answer 11

Why not?  Even if your daughter cries when you leave, she'll be fine shortly thereafter and will have fun at auntie's house!  I think it's important to do such things with your husband once in awhile.  Trust me, after a while, you'll crave it and have no problems leaving little baby at grandma's for an overnight stay.

Answer 12

Go if you have the chance! My daughter is 19 months and I haven't had a break or a date since she was born, and it's starting to affect my relationship with her father. You have 18 years to hang with your little one, a weekend here or there won't hurt anything, and will make you a better mommy because you will still be you, not just Savannah's mommy. I promise, she won't grow 6 inches and start running and talking quite yet, lol. Especially since she'll be staying at your house where she's comfy and having people she knows around, she'll be fine. Good luck!  

Answer 13

I would totally go if I were you BUT if you're going to feel guilty the whole time then you're going to ruin the trip for your husband and it will be pointless to go....So you really need to think hard and make a decision and stick with it...

Answer 14

We left my son for 3 days as soon as he started sleeping through the night. We went on short 2-3 day or overnight trips every couple of months since then. Our first trip was really hard, it was supposed to be a romantic trip for my husband and I, but we never talked about anything but the baby. Still, it was so nice to get our relationship refocused-with a baby, its so hard to be husband/wife AND Daddy/Momma. I suggest you do go, but try to have a couple overnight trips in the meantime to get everyone used to the idea. It will help your sister become more comfortable with your schedule, your daughter more comfortable with your sister being the caregiver for an extended period, and you and your husband comfortable with leaving her. Sooner or later, you will want to have a trip alone with your husband, it will be easier to get everyone used to the idea early on. Besides being good for your marriage, it's also good for your relationship with your daughter!

Answer 15

I think you should absolutly go!! Your daughter will be fine, I have an 11 month old son, but to break the seperation anxiety, you have to be apart more! Plus it will be great to get away and you and your hubby probably really need the time together.  

Answer 16

You are not only a mommy, even though that is (i believe) our most important role, but also a wife and friend.  There are going to be times that we are away from our children.  I work full time and am away from my kids 37.5 hours a week plus travel time.  The first time I left one of my children I felt guilty.  It first was my daughter when she was 3 months old.  My husband and I spent the night at a hotel for our anniversary.  It was hard, but it was great.  Go and have some "adult" fun. . .you and your husband deserve and need it.