Moms, would it be easier to leave your baby from 0-3 months, or from 12-15 months? (please read my story)?

Question

My situation is such that both my boyfriend and myself live in a rural area, and are not working in our fields. He has a pipe fitter trade, and I'm working on my bachelor of technology. In early December we will have our first child.

At that time I'll have 3 months of school left before I can receive my bachelor. The courses I need must be done on campus (online is not an option), and must be from January-April (the only semester they're offered in). I do not plan to breastfeed.

If I go back to school this January I will leave my newborn with his father, aunt (my sister), and grandfather (my dad) for three months. The advantage is I don't think an infant that young will really miss me, and in april 2009 our family can leave for a province where we can work in our trades and make a much better income.

If I take a year off and go January 2010, I will leave my one year old with his father, and grandfather (my dad) for three months. The advantage is I can take care of my baby when its a newborn and it would probably be easier for me. The disadvantage is I think the child would notice I was gone, and financially we would have a difficult year as my boyfriend works for only a little more then minimum wage and I would either work minimum wage, or stay home full time with baby.

In either scenario my boyfriend and child could visit me a couple time a month while I'm in school.

Answer 1

continue with your education, it will be well worth the wait.

Your baby will always know who you are, and is in good hands while you're putting a future for yourself and your family's goal in life with your husband... I started college early in my first babys first few months - it was wll worth it and I do not regret doing it...

Answer 2

I'm lacking some information and you are operating on some false assumptions.  You completely misunderstand the mother and child bond.  I'm glad you asked this question before doing anything.

Let's deal first with the information that's lacking.  Why is it that your boyfriend can't go with you to school and get some work and an apartment near your college?  Surely in a college town, there' s more work for him than in a rural area?  You also don't mention if the distance is commutable.  I mean, it might be a big drive, if he has a project to do back in your hometown, can he make the commute from where your school is located to where you used to live and back in a few hours a day?  That's even assuming that's necessary.  I'm sure he can get some work near campus.

Now let's move to the issue of you and your child, because you're making some really faulty assumptions. It sounds like you're viewing your baby like a miniature adult and not like the infant s/he will be (in the sense that you're relating their capacity to miss you to the same things that an adult would need to miss you).  Your child's bonding to you in the first few months are absolutely crucial to his or her development.  The baby spends 40 or so weeks inside of you, hearing your voice, smelling your smell, and then you give birth, and the baby by instinct seeks that person.  When my younger daughter was born, they took her to the side to clean her up.  I heard her crying up a storm (what lungs she had!) and she would not be placated.  When they had her cleaned up, they brought her over to my husband and he put her right near me as I was still flat on my back (I had a c-section).  The SECOND she got close to me, she stopped screaming.  I was comfort to her.  I was safety to her.  I can' t fathom having left her for three months until she is WELL old enough to understand it, and that, in my opinion, is quite a bit older than either of your windows mentioned in your question.  

Honestly, the ideal situation is that you all move to where your college is and your boyfriend tries to schedule his jobs for three months so that he's around to watch the baby when you're in class.  Perhaps he only works weekends for a few months (or maybe, he can even get a job with maintenance/engineering on your campus).  FYI, when my older daughter was four months old, I went to school that semester and I took my baby to every class with me.  It wasn' t easy, and I had to pick her up and walk out if she cried, and I did have one professor who gave me a hard time about bringing her but I refused to budge.  Finish school AND don't separate yourself from your baby.  Find a way to make that work.

Also, of COURSE it is up to you because it's your body, but please reconsider the nursing thing.  It is so good for your baby and it really firms the bond between the two of you.  Also, don't beat yourself up if you don't feel up to going back to school right away; I could not in a million years have gone to class right after having my girls (of course, pregnancy and I don't get along well, you might be different).

Answer 3

The problem with leaving a baby from 0-3 months is that attachment sets the stage for trust/mistrust. Now mistrust doesn't mean that they don't trust you at all or never will trust  you, but it is important in their early development. Even if you do not breast feed it is recommended to hold the baby against your chest frequently so that it builds the attachment to you. It's not something quantifiable but research has shown over and over that the creation if this attachment is very important and occurs just in that way. From 12-15 months the child will be going through another stage which I feel is less important than the attachment phase. From a developmental psychology standpoint, the 0-3 month period is more important than the 12-15 month period.

Answer 4

I would say leave the baby for the first three minths because he doesnt trly know who u r!

Answer 5

I would say if you're up for it do it between 0-3 months. You'll be working to better your lives in the future and I'm sure your dad or the babies aunt could bring the baby up to see you also and you could maybe make weekend trips home?

Answer 6

0-3 months for sure.  When they're older it's MUCH harder to leave them.

Answer 7

I would say 0-3 months, because your child won't quite know who you are yet, but he still would need the care of his mother..so I hope your sister will help in this.

12-15 months would cause more problems.  If you come back home, it won't recognize you as your mother, and it would just be harder.