Moms: What's the best way to handle a bratty play-mate who treats your child badly?

Question

Last Friday my best friend brought her little boy over for a play date with my daughter. They're both nearly 3 years old. A majority of the time he was here, he disobeyed his mom, pushed my little girl around, and swore at her- terrible obscenities, calling her a F-er. (Hope you know what I mean-and his swearing is not discouraged by his parents). At one point, she went and sat under the tree by herself, looking quite sad. By Sunday, she was so unruly and uncooperative, I can't help but think it came from her experience with the boy. She doesn't get interaction w/ other children (only child, daycare far too expensive in this area so I became a stay at home mom) but I am wondering if what interaction she IS getting is detrimental to her feelings/development? What do you suggest?

Answer 1

I wouldn't let her near that child again.  I agree with Alexias mommy though, you cant put the blame on the child.  He doesn't know any different because he hasn't been shown.

Answer 2

Keep that kid as far AWAY from your child as you can!!  You may need to get a new best friend for yourself too.  If she lets her child act and talk that way, what kind of person is she, really?

Answer 3

I agree with everyone else's comments. That child is worse than a menace! I definitely would NOT let my child play with him again. Instead, I would look online to see if there's a mommy & me play group in your area. A lot of hospitals even offer them (at least, around here in North Carolina they do). There's also the library suggestion - GREAT idea. That's where my sister takes my nephew. You can also try starting your own play group (post around town or online) as well as try church groups.

Answer 4

I wouldn't allow my kids to play with him again.

Answer 5

Not to allow a playdate with that child again. Start hanging around the public library during the day and see all the little ones there. Start talking to those moms and see about arranging a playdate.

Answer 6

It's not really the child's fault but the parents fault!  Your friend should of never let her kid push yours around.  It could change her behavior because she's imitating this child's behavior.  Is there playgroups in your area?

Answer 7

I would not allow my child to play with that unruly child again.  It's important to let the parent know that his behavior is unacceptable and that he won't be able to play with your daughter until he learns some manners (this may cost you your friendship but his Mom needs to hear this).  Try attending a local church on Sunday and get to know some of the Moms in the area from the service.  She will get a chance to interact with some of the kids during Sunday School and you can see which ones she favors and then try to get to know those children's parents.

Answer 8

Next time you guys are together and the boy acts up, make a stink about it to your friend.  If it was my best friend's kid, I would have no problem saying to her "I can't believe you let your kid say that" or " your son just pushed my daughter, aren't you going to do something?"  And if she laughs it off, I myself would go up to the boy and say "no pushing" right in front of the mom.  Especially if the bullying or pushing is upsetting your daughter.  If she says something then just say that you don't want another kid pushing your daughter around.   If they come around again, repeat this if necessary.  If it continues, then the next time she wants to come over tell her that her son's actions are having an effect on your daughter.  "He can come over, but do you think you can have him stop the swearing and pushing?  I don't want my daughter doing the same thing or picking up bad words."

And as far as other kids to play with - I agree with the public library.  You can do a story time twice a week.  If you have a park district, look into toddler classes that are usually 1x a week.  I know that will cost some money.  The library is free.  Go to www.meetup.com and you may be able to find some playgroups in your area.

Answer 9

I would suggest finding new playmates for her, the only person who can fix this problem is the kids mother and it might cause a big stink if you say anything. I don't invite children over that are mean to my children or behave badly because its my choice. Good Luck, even if you try to correct the child the behavior wont stop it comes from the home...its a lost cause my friend, I've learned just to keep my mouth shut and not have them over anymore, moms get pissy if you try to tell them their child is mean.

You dont have to say anything unless you want to. You just stop talking to them and inviting them over, they slowly get the point. If you want to say something it might end up in a fight with nasty things said by the Mother with the bad child.

Best way to go about it if your going to say anything is straight forward, My child and your child do not play well together I do not appritiate his cussing in my house around my child and the destructive behaviour that my child is picking up. I am sorry its just not a situation I want my child in. No one is perfect but for now, I just think its best if they don't play together.