Moms how would you react to this... if your babies hand was broken thru neglect of caregiver; covered it up?

Question

Moms how would you react?

We had hubby's 20 year old niece watch our 1yr old summer 2007 so she could make extra money for college plus we love for family watch our child. We loved her and trusted her.

One day my daughter broke her arm in her care; niece never told us. We took baby to see pediatrician 2days later and xrays showed she had a broken arm. Our 5yr old then told us that the baby had fallen off the bed while our niece was on the internet. The niece never apologized or even owned the mistake. She totally avoided the topic. I finally talked to her and she sulked and went to her room. My husband went after her to "baby" her.

At the end of the summer we paid her and sent her back to college. I don't talk to her because she never apoligized. My husband still is in contact with her and acts like nothing ever happened. If he's in her town he calls her up and they go to lunch. Is this normal? It hurts me every time I think about it. I know accidents happen, but what hurts me is that she never apologized or owned the mistake. Comments please. How would you feel or what would you do?

Answer 1

Well Im not a mommy yet, but i am a nanny, so maybe i could help you from her view, sort of. If that happened under my care, i of course would have told you, but this is my job that i have trained for and have been trained to communicate with parents, communicating in my opinion takes some training when you are dealing with guilt. She is only 20 and probably didnt realize how bad the injury was, and when she found out it was broken, i could imagine the guilt that ran through her head. She is not a mom and may not realize that accidents do happen so she may be afraid that if she did apologize you may not accept it and possibly make her feel worse. Its a difficult task to admit that although you may technically be of adult age, that you may not have the maturity to do take on adult tasks. Since you are obviously still upset with her, and trust me she knows that, she must think that you will never forgive her which is why i could imagine she would skip out on apologizing. I would sit down with her and say "you know i love you, you are family and i dont want to stop communicating with you because of one accident, but i think you owe me an appology." You should be the adult in the situation and approach her she is your niece and i would not expect your husband to just cut her off because of an accident she didnt own up to once. She is still young and learning.

Im 21 and i have realized that i am mature for my age, just because her age says adult, her maturity may not. She needs to take this as a lesson learned and you may have to push her to do so. As for your husband not "respecting" your feelings, i dont think this is accually what he is meaning to do. I dont know you all personally, but it seems like he is just trying to make everyone happy or has gotton over it in the past year. I think although it has been a year you all should talk together maturely because this obviously bothers you and its never good to hold things in. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

you need to ask your husband wats the deal??????  thats really messed up! i would b furious with him! your baby could of been hurt even worse and he takes her side! that isnt right.  

Answer 3

i would feel the exact same as you as i would not be happy about my husband speaking to her... she is twenty years old not a child.. what if had been worse and your daughter banged her head!! what a stupid irresponsible girl.. i think you must tell your husband how you feel and hope that he cuts contact.. she sounds like a spoilt brat with no remorse..

your question has genuinely annoyed me.. im disgusted!!

Answer 4

If I were in your situation, I would be livid with her.  If she never took responsibility, I would not allow my child to be alone with her ever again.  Your husband is not being supportive of you and is actually disrespecting you by 'babying' her.  I would have a talk with him about respecting your feelings, and personally, I would write her off until she took responsibility.

Answer 5

You should of know because the neice should of brought the baby to the doctor the moment this happened and phoned you, how irresponsible she is.  I was babysitting once and the little girl hit her head on the playground and there was some blood, I rushed her back to my house and called the parent then they came and got her to bring her to urgent care ( she was fine but the parent wanted to make sure just to be safe and I don't blame her ) she wasn't mad at me, things happen! But you have to be responsible when it does happen ya know.

Answer 6

I understand what you are saying, about her not apologizing. But sometimes kids do fall, I don't think she did anything purposefully to hurt your baby. If it took YOU 2 days to notice and take her to the doctor as her PARENT then I am almost positive your neice didn't think anything was seriously wrong with your daughter that she just fell and would be ok. I am sure she felt really bad. As well I am sure that every time the baby has fallen you might not know about it because they fall all of the time,  She should have mentioned it still but I don't think it was malicious

I am not saying she is right in what she did but she is family and you shouldn't hold a grudge forever. Be the bigger person and forgive her. Your daughter is alive and healthy now and that is all that matters. Just never let her watch your children again.

Once when I was about 15 I was playing with my little cousin she jumped on my back and to keep her from falling I grabbed her arm, her shoulder got pulled out of the socket. I had no idea, she didnt cry, she went on playing I didn't think to tell her parents because it was not a "big deal" and I thought she was ok. Well her mom noticed she wasn't using her arm, and asked if she was ok, my cousin said she was fine. Her mom knew better and took her to the doctors, low and behold the injury. I didn't do it on purpose I felt so bad after I found out but it was an accident. I did apologize but I could never imagine having my cousin never talk to me again over it. Things happen kids get hurt let it go and move on.

Answer 7

It's way too late to do what you _should_ have done, which was fire her on the spot and send her home immediately.

By keeping her until the end of the summer, your unspoken message was "it's no big deal".