Moms please help!!?

Question

I am having a real hard time with my 4 yr old daughter and I need advice. She has always been an active child, but when she turned 4, she began acting out. She started biting herself repeatedly throughout the day and throwing tantrums. She would harm her teachers and throw things so she was kicked out of preschool. She is starting kindergarden this year and I have her in the summer program.

She has begun getting in trouble again. Hitting, biting self, throwing things, running from teachers, etc. I don't know what to do. My oldest never acted like this. I have tried timeout, rewards, spankings, sticker charts, and nothing works. I have a college degree in early childhood, yet I am out of ideas. Her teachers are at wits end and I'm afraid she will be kicked out.

Does anyone have a similar experience or any suggestions? I cry every night on the drive home from daycare, because I am so frustrated.

Answer 1

Its illegal to hit your child.

Answer 2

You learned to reward bad behavior in school?  Consistancy is the key, not going from one thing to another, did they not teach you that in school?  What a waste of your time and money going to school for this!  Have you taken her to the Dr?  It sounds like there is something wrong with her.  If not, watch super nanny for techniques that REALLY work!  YOU have to put the time and hard work in to get control of her and you need to do it NOW!  You may just have to resort to spanking your little brat in the beginning, because you need control NOW!   Stop crying about it and MAKE HER MIND YOU, WHATEVER IT TAKES!!!

Answer 3

Please take your child to your pediatrician to be tested. She may be acting out due to an organic issue or she may have medical problems which haven't been diagnosed yet.

These behaviors sound very much like the child of my cousins and he has autism.

Answer 4

Acting out is defined as the release of out-of-control aggressive or sexual impulses in order to gain relief from tension or anxiety. Such impulses often result in antisocial or delinquent behaviors. The term is also sometimes used in regard to a psychotherapeutic release of repressed feelings, as occurs in psychodrama.

When no medical or psychological determination is discovered for acting out behaviors in young children above the age of four, the assumption can be made that the temper tantrums are a learned behavior. Toddlers and preschool children very rapidly learn the effectiveness of such acting out. If parents or other caregivers acquiesce to the child's wishes each time to avoid the occurrence of a tantrum, it quickly becomes obvious to the child that this is the most successful means of getting his or her wishes fulfilled. Acting out quickly becomes a time-honored response to the word "No."

More critical negative behaviors including aggressive or abusive actions toward other children, animals, adults, or even themselves are usually a more serious and longer-lasting form of acting out. These are usually related to more momentous causes including mental illness or pathological conditions in the child's life, either in the home or in some other facet of the child's environment. Such negative childhood conduct is often seen in children who have been the victims of physical and/or sexual abuse or of severe neglect. Such acting out for this group of children is often referred to among mental health professionals as "a cry for help." Though certainly significant problems, acting out in the form of various rebellious behaviors that are not self-injurious or life-threatening is considered the less serious form of this "cry for help." These actions include disobeying parents and teachers, non-life-threatening alcohol or drug use, promiscuity, and exercising poor judgment in relationships and activities.

I hope that these are useful to you, best of luck....

Answer 5

lol so u have a 4 yr old child and you m********e??

Answer 6

You should see a Dr. about that. It's not  normal behavior for a child to bite themselves. Theirs something more to it.

Answer 7

My first suggestion would be to postpone kindergarden for another year.  There's no harm in it to her and better to hold her back now than later.  

I would try talking to your doctor about it.  There might be a medical reason for her actions.

Have things changed around your household?  New house, new carpeting, moved furniture around, new daily routine, divorce, death?  Anything (even the smallest of things) that is now different than before?  Sometimes changes can throw a kid off tremendously.  If something has changed, do your best to talk to your child about it and/or try to get things back to the way they were if possible.  

Have you thought about autism?  Some autistic children I have known acted this way before being diagnosed.  It might be worth looking into.

Answer 8

Sounds like you need to discipline her and hard.

Answer 9

i would take her to your pediatrician and see if he/she has any suggestions.

it could be autism or ADHD.

Answer 10

I used to work at an elementry school, and there was a child like yours, and all you can do is constantly remind her that she needs to behave like the other children so she and they can learn. Also I would try going to the school she will be starting kindergarten at and explain the issues you have with your daughter so they pair her up with a strict, but patiant teacher, hopefully she will grow out of this they can't kick her out of school her whole life.

Answer 11

I would think that maybe she is not being stimulated enough at school. Maybe a Montessori where she can go ahead of the other children her age & not have to wait for the class to move on when she is done.  

The only other thing is have her tested  for Hearing Problems, Autism, ADD, ADHD, or just Hyper Activity & maybe her diet needs to be changed. You might have to go organic because it could be artificial colors, preservatives, & High Fructose Corn syrup causing all of this misbehavior. Talk to her Doctor.

Answer 12

Have you had your daughter tested for autism or anything like that?

Answer 13

My son did a lot of those same things and I pulled him out of a day care center myself.   He went into an in-home day care instead.   The problem with day care centers is that there are wall to wall toys.   For some high energy kids this could be too exciting, too stimulating and they act out in ways that they wouldn't in a home environment where the huge abundance of toys isn't so visible.   Home day care is small group too.   I would seriously hold off one more year for kindergarten.   My son started kindergarten at age 6 even though he was academically ready when he was 5.   He needed more time to mature socially.

Does your daughter have to go into day care very early in the morning?   My kids did.    I told them that I wanted him to sleep for at least an extra 2 hours.   In home daycare, this was his routine.    Well in the daycare center, all the lights are on and  the teachers are continuously talking to each other so my son stayed awake to play.   He would get overtired and misbehave from that too.   I ended up bringing him back to the same home day care that I took him out of to start with.   My son and the daycare center just don't work out.

Answer 14

This sounds just like my son.....he was later diagnosed with ADD and Asperger's Syndrome.

By the way, it is NOT illegal to spank your own child.  That is why kids today have no respect for people, because they were not TAUGHT and DISCIPLINED.  Lala land is an idiot.

Answer 15

Try getting her Iron Checked out. I know it sounds wierd but with my daughter when She started acting out it was her Iron. Something else to look at is the adults in her life. maybe one is being really mean or abusive towards her and she is trying to deal with the emotions and is doing the behavior trying to get help!!

good luck!!!

Answer 16

It sounds like you have done everything I would recommend.  Is there something that may be upsetting her?  Any family problems, etc?  It sounds like she has hostility towards life.  I am sure you are worn out.  Have you tried taking things away from her?  Every time she gets in trouble at school or at home take one of her favorite toys away.  If the other methods didn't work, then that probably won't work either but it worth a try.  Try to sit down and talk to her and ask her why she acts the way she does.  She may be young, but she can still express her feelings.  If that doesn't work, it sounds like counseling may be a good idea.

I saw someone mention autism, and it is quite possible.  There are others disorders that could cause these types of problems.  I have a nine year old neice who still acts this way.  She is very hostile and mean.  The doctors believe she may be bi-polar.  Does your daughter have good days where she is extremely happy and then start acting violently again?  If so, bi-polar could be a definite possibility.  As far as autism, has she developed normally?  By four years old, I would think you may have noticed behaviors related to autism, but she could have a mild form.  My advice would be to get her a full evaluation.  If she has had a full evaluation, I would ask for a more extensive one.  My son went for a full evaluation about six months ago (for problems with reading), and during the first evaluation they were stumped.  They set up more tests for him, and after many more tests, we found the problem.  They even did an MRI.  I would ask for these procedures.

Answer 17

home school? or do u work lots..    maybe get her tested for autism...   sorry if this wasn't any help :(

Answer 18

Oh, I have been there. I taught preschool for 7 years and my oldest had no problems like this but my second child, I had no idea what to do with him. I thought I had all the answers but my own child, I had no idea what made him act out the way he did.I felt like a failure. Then I tried to think why he acted out and it helped immensly. It began when he was almost 4 and he is a middle child, my oldest is 2 yrs older than him, youngest 3 yrs younger. You should really try this, I had to give him extra attention. It seemed hard because I was getting on to him so much and I didnt want him to think he could get away with it, and I thought it felt like I was rewarding him to spend extra alone time that his brothers didnt get. I had to pick my battles,  I realized, he is the middle child already, and his personality is different in that he had low self esteem and needed more pos reinforcement when I tried that it really did work. I would ask for his help when I cooked and he felt proud of himself, I would take him for walks, sit and listen to his rambles,laugh when he was being silly, etc and we developed such a great relationship that he wanted to act better. He no longer acted out for attention, some kids just demand more attention than others. He's still an attention hog and will try weird stuff when we are around strangers (hes 7 now) but he is at least controlable now.

Answer 19

sometimes stupid kids dont think? this situation is kinda stupid but i suggest you should get a tools to pull  everthing off her teeth so she wont bit herself anymore, if she do that again you should ask your husband to put his c**k on your daughters mouth.

Answer 20

So sorry to hear this.  If you feel you had reached your limit, it might be a good idea to consult her school psychologist.  Maybe he/she could give you some better insight as to what is really going on.  It's good to try all the things you listed, but sometimes it's easier on everyone to call in someone who is a pro.  Not to say in anyway you are not doing all you can, as a parent myself I can understand how stressful it can be.  Good luck and keep trying.

Answer 21

I'm not a mother but my mother runs a large day care center and I have been around kids like this. You daughter sounds much like a little 5 year old boy I would babysit. He would always run away hit people and bit and he didn't seem to respond to any punishment. I'm surprised your daycare hasent had someone come in to observe your child to maybe come up with what wrong. I say this because the 5 year old I would babysit ended up being treated for ADD Attention Deficit Disorder. I'm not saying your child has this it could really just be the typ of kid she is but its really worth looking into having some observe your child at the day care. They're many great new treatments for Disorders like this and many groups to learn how to raise children with it.

Answer 22

She probably has A.D.D., or some sort of polar disorder. My friends daughter has that and she blames herself. You have to go see a doctor about this, but the problem is, it most likely will take a while to find the medication that is right for your daughter. Good Luck and remember, its not your fault.

Answer 23

Try sitting her down and talking to her - not as a child - as an adult. I know she's not one but sometimes children understand when a parent is really trying to figure out what they need and why. Your daughter is acting out of anger and you may be the only one to really know why.

Answer 24

Try talking to her about it, and explaining what she does, because she may not realize how bad she is until you show he rthat it's bad.

Maybe let her see you crying sometime, so she knows that you are hurt and that she is upsetting you.

You must be having very tough time, and im very sorry for you.

Best of luck, <3

Answer 25

I've seen autism mentioned here often but typically autism is diagnosed at a much younger age. ADD/ADHD while over-diagnosed these days, sounds like a reasonable consideration. It sounds like a visit to a psychologist or psychiatrist specializing in children is needed. My father-in-law is a child psychologist and sees cases like this (and worse) every day. It's not your fault and you certainly shouldn't have to deal with this alone. Try visiting the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry's webstie:

http://www.aacap.org/

Taken from the website:

"Behavioral disorder. Many children with ADHD have oppositional defiant disorder, a behavioral disorder that involves defiance, arguing with adults, and refusing to obey. Some ADHD children may eventually develop a more serious condition called conduct disorder, which can involve aggressiveness, bullying, lying, stealing, vandalism, eventual substance abuse, and other serious problems. Children with conduct disorder need immediate help."