Moms were you like this? What would you do if your friend was ?

Question

How often did you leave your baby (under one year) with other people ? After you had your baby were you still in the mindset of "I need to have my fun" ? Did you try to make people feel sorry for you by using the "Oh I'm so young ... i just need a break" story ? Was it more important for you to be out partying and getting high then to spend time with your child ? Did you take your friends for granted, when they offered to watch the baby or agreed so you could get IMPORTANT things done ?

I think it's good when children can adapt to easily to new places and new people, but when a complete stranger can pick up a baby and the kid doesn't make a sound because it is so used to strangers i think it's ridiculous.

I'm not ranting I'm asking seriously, I don't mind watching my friends baby SOMETIMES, but I'm irritated that she seems to think it's ok that she pawn her baby off on me every weekend so she can go have "fun". Also, this baby is used to being feed every time she cries ...

Answer 1

why don't you look up the definition of ranting before you deny that your doing it.

Answer 2

My daughter was not away from me in someone elses care the first time at age 1. At 2 she was away from me for 14 hours total for the following reasons:

10 hour outpatient surgery

2 hour business meeting twice. After that I saw she would be fine at a car purchase signing, or a home closing.

I had my kids, I raise my kids. Simple as that.

My daughter even stayed at the hospital with me, and my husband when I had our son. (even though we had a family member at the house if need be) If I died today...I'd want my kids to remember me bing home with them....not running the streets abandoning them with whoever I could find.

EDIT* As for what to say to her. I'd tell her, I don't mind watching the lil one like once a month....but I'm not going to keep watching the baby all the time.

Answer 3

We did not leave our baby (we got married and had him at 21) with anyone else very often. My mother in law offered to come watch him once in a while and as we were still in college we would go to events on campus etc. The one time I left him with my dad to go to a graduation party he complained so much I never did it again and was sorely disappointed because when he was my dad and adopted me as a baby he was a very hands on dad compared to others 36 years ago so I thought he would take to being a grandpa a little better.

As far as friends...I never really did with any of my kids. I hired sitters. There was one time a friend came over to watch one of my kids while I took the other to the ER when my husband was gone.  

They complained so much it was really not worth it. I mean I prearranged to have a friend watch my then-3 year old son when I was having my daughter. She had a 4 year old daughter and they were friends so I though it would work out. She started calling me 2-3 hours after I got to the hospital asking if my husband was going to pick him up soon...um...no! And my friend had been a mother-and-baby nurse so she should have KNOWN how long labor could take.

Same with my father in law who was the only one available to watch our then-7 and 10 year olds when our 5 year old was born. He also started calling a few hours into my labor to ask if my husband could come pick  him up. Again...um...no -- LOL!

So really I usually hire babysitters even though my kids are good and I do not understand why people complain about watching them. I guess we simply do not have very good friends and family.

You should tell your friend you will not be available more than once a month if that to watch her baby as you have a lot going on and leave it at that.  Agree to it once in a while if you want but not more than once a month. You do not owe her more of an explanation.

I wish some of the above people would have said no at the start so we could try harder to make other arrangements rather than calling and bothering us while I was in labor.

Answer 4

When I had my babies (one is 2 and one is almost 9) my whole life changed.  It is no longer all about "me"- your life now revolves around your family.  No, I never pawned my children off onto others just to go out and drink or party.  When I made the decision to have a family, I made the decision to RAISE my family.  I love my kids and there are times (VERY FEW) that I want to go do something like get away with my husband.  That is when I ask if such and such a person would like to watch the children.  If not, it is not the end of the world and I don't boo-hoo about it.  I do believe it is important for your children to get used to other people too, but that is what pre-school, sports, and invitations to visit are for.  I would be irritated too, if I were you.  I would tell her, that you can't baby sit for her just so she can go partying- but you would be happy to help if she had something of true importance to do!

Answer 5

It's your own fault that you let this person use you as a babysitter at her every whim... you can say "no".

If this person is neglecting and abandoning the child, you can always call children's protective services.

There is nothing wrong with going out and having fun... i used to go and do things when my kids were small, but i always paid someone to watch them... i didn't dump my kids on others.

some people don't have any sense.

Answer 6

your friend sounds young and inmature. Yes, all Moms need some fun time. I wasn't out partying, but I would drop her off at grandparents house once a month or so. This friend needs to not be taking advantage of friends. You can set boundaries for yourself- tell her you can only do it once a month, or what works best for you.

The baby is the one that will pay the price eventually, with the Mom gone like this.

Babies need consistent people in their lives. That means- the same people!

Give your friend a schedule of the days you are available- and not available. However you want to do it, but you need to be firm and not let her dump the baby on you.

Answer 7

You are letting her use you.. Don't do that.  She doesn't want to be responsible for her baby and wants to have fun.. she isn't grown up yet .. But that's not your problem.  Stop doing her this favor.. Start telling her no.. you have other plans.. If you don't she'll keep doing this.. She 's not your friend.. Wake up.. Snow

Answer 8

I didn't leave my baby(s) alone that often. And it was only to do things that I could not do with my baby. Like do out to a nice dinner with the hubby. I would only leave my baby with either our nanny, my best friend, Beth or my sister. That's it. I can't afford to just go out every weekend (not afford like money), I now have 9 kids, with twins in the NICU that I try* to go visit each day. I never took my friends for granted. And I don't think that you need to put up with watching the baby all the time. Just tell her your busy next time.

~Kate

Answer 9

I absolutely do not think you are ranting! I'm a young mum, I'm 25 and have 3 kids, 5, 3 and 9 months. I work 30 hours a week, my husband works 40, and between us we don't ever have a babysitter. I go out every 6 months or so, and same with him, and every once in a while we go out together. When my oldest was a baby my best friend watched her maybe once a month so we could go out. After a while I felt like I was neglecting her, and even though I was young I had children and needed to take responsibility. Next time your friend asks you to babysit, you should tell her that you don't appreciate it, and you deserve a life as well. It was her choice to have the baby. She made her bed, she's gotta lie in it!

Answer 10

I am a stay at home mom with my son, and where I go he goes.  I never go out and party or make people feel sorry for me, because what should they be sorry about?  I'm happy with my family and life.  My son LOVES people.  He has been meeting relatives he has never seen before and NEVER fusses.  They are strangers to him and he is happy meeting new people.  At the store people come up and compliment him and talk to him and he right away  smiles.    MY son is not used to strangers, but loves people.  It is NOT ridiculous and I do not do any of that c**p you listed in your first paragraph.

Tell your "friend" you cannot take care of her baby anymore. Tell her that is her responsibility.  Are you even getting paid?  I've had a baby sitter once and thatw as on Valentines Day and my mom volunteered.  If she didnt volunter we would have brought my son with us.  Honestly my mom and sister ahve to volunteer to watch him otherwise my son goes with me where ever.  Tell your friend she is being a horrible irresponsible parent and tell her you simply will nto help her out anymore unless she shapes up.

Answer 11

My son is 6 months old and he's been babysat by three different people.  But they are all relatives.  His aunt and two grandmas.

The only time I've ever had anyone else watch him was when I had to either go to work, go to the doctor and when me and my husband went out for our anniversary.  

Why are you letting your friend use you like this?  She needs to learn that moms don't go out every weekend and party.  Really no one needs to be doing that.  Even college kids.

Tell your friend that it's no longer acceptable for her to leave her child with you while she parties.

Answer 12

I have a "friend" just like that.  Her kids aren't babies, but they are 5 & 7 & she tries to pawn them off on me for days at a time.  I don't consider her a very good "friend" anymore.  You should just start saying no to her.  Don't let her take advantage of you like that.  Tell her you don't & shouldn't have to do it every week-end.  If partying is that important to her, she'll probably just find someone else anyway.  Poor kid!

Answer 13

I'm 25 and I go out every once in a while with the girls while my boyfriend (her father) stays home with her.  I've also had my parents babysit a few times so we could go out together.  I've never left her with a friend or random babysitter though, just family.

Answer 14

I DIDNT AND DONT PLAY THAT dont have the babies if u dont want to grow up and be responsible, dont get me wrong i like to go every once and a while (every couple months i might go out) but im a chill at home person any way, so it doesnt botherme too much.

Answer 15

My sister babysits sometimes, and my in-laws care for our daughter sometimes for a weekend.  We don't get the chance very often.  When you choose to keep your child and care for it, partying kinda has to stop.

Answer 16

You are crazy to take her baby every weekend so she can party. You are only adding to her irresponsibility if you care for her baby like that all the time. My sister does the same thing to my mother and other sister. She has never once asked me to take her children, because she knows that the answer will be NO! Not that I will not take them sometimes, but I don't take them every weekend so she can party.

You need to start telling her no!