1. A man appears before St. Peter at the pearly gates. “Have you ever done anything of particular merit?†St. Peter asks. “Well, I can think of one thing,†the man offers. “Once, on a trip to the Black Hills, out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers who were threatening a young woman.I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen. So I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker.I smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground, and told him,‘Leave her alone now or you’ll answer to me.’â€ÂSt. Peter was impressed.“When did this happen?â€Â“Just a few minutes ago.â€Â
2. Sally goes to work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned his employee, walks over to her and asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?" The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call that my mother had passed away." The boss, feeling very sorry at this point suggests to the young girl, "Why don't you go home for the day...we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off and go relax." Sally very calmly states, "No I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind busy and I have the best chance of doing that here." The boss agrees and allows her to work as usual. "If you need anything just let me know" says the boss. A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on Sally. He looks out his office and sees her crying hysterically. He rushes over an asks, "What's the matter now? Are you going to be ok?" Sally breaks down in tears. "I just received a horrible call from my sister. She said that her mom died too!!"
3. There was a blonde woman named, Cindy, that was in deep financial problems. So she got on her knees and prayed "Dear
God, please let me win the lottery. I really need your help or
I'll loose my car, the house, and everything else." She doesn't
win. The next day she prays to God "God! I really really need
your help! I'll loose my car, the house, and everything else."
Once again, she doesn't win. The next day she says the same
prayer; then God speaks to her " Cindy! work with me here, BUY
A TICKET!!!
4. A blonde suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment that same day, with the gun in hand. Sure enough, when she opens the door, she finds her boyfriend in the arms of a redhead. She points the gun at her boyfriend at stares him down for a moment. Then, suddenly, she's overcome with grief, so she puts the gun up to the side her head. Her boyfriend screams, "Honey, don't do it..." The blonde yells back, "Shut up! You're next!"
I know the last one is a little old but it still makes me laugh:)
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