More about my son wanting to change religions.... Thanks to everyone for your thoughts I really appreciate?

Question

them. I think I need to rewrite the question though because I have talked to my son further, and now he says it's not that he wants to explore his birthmother's religion as much as it is that he feels like he doesn't belong in ours, and HE attributes that to having been adopted. With this in mind, he says he doesn't want to continue in religious education because it makes him feel like he doesn;t belong. I really don't like the idea of him just quitting his religious education, not until he's at least 13. I also have a daughter who was adopted who would like nothing better than to quit just because she doesn't "like" it. I can't let him quit and insist that she continue; I just wouldn't ahve a leg to stand on even if his "reason" is more mature than hers. She is also 11. Any new or additional thoughts are welcome! (we're talking 2 hours each week here of very "liberal" religious education -- pretty mild on the indoctrination scale and not at all demanding in a religous way)

Answer 1

Just a warning - you push him to do something he does not want - or does not feel right to him - he will run in the other direction.

Is you having your say and your control over this really worth the possibility of putting a rather large wedge in your relationship with each other??

No one should be forced to believe in something that they just don't want to.

We can't control thoughts - no matter how we try.

It's something you really need to think about.

Push him now - and he may never again embrace your religion.

Give him some space to work out what he really wants to do - and he may even surprise you.

I hope that you'll show him respect - then he will learn how to show respect back to you.

All the best.

Answer 2

You are the parent.  You get to decide.

Tell your son that it is important to you that he and his sister stay in R.E. classes until they are 13, and that your decision is final.

If he still wants to explore his birth mom's religion, I would certainly allow that,and even encourage it, but you need to maintain your stand that because they are your children, it is important that they be educated in your religion as well.

Answer 3

well you as a n adult have a commitment to have training for them till they are 18. and so what they dont' want to or think they shouldnt  have this type of training cause of their being adopted. oh well that is what you have chosed for them and therefore that is what they will do. you tell them after they are 18 then they can decide then and as for the girl she has not option most dont' want to go but its cause of learning and seeing what others think. when they get older and meet others there are so many out there with religious training they won't be left out. so therefore they hae it sorta say under their belt what they do with it is up to them then but you are here to at least try. that is all you can do take care. good luck

Answer 4

Religion shouldn't be something you "inherit" from anyone.  It should be your own personal relationship with God.  I didn't see the previous question, so I don't know what religion you are or what his birthmother is,  but maybe if you find out what he does or doesn't agree with in what he's studying right now, that could be a start.  As long as whatever he's learning coincides with Biblical teachings, he should be fine.  Make sure he's not using this as an excuse to just get out of going.  You are his parent now and you do make the decisions where he is concerned whether he likes it or not.  Thirteen is not old enough to go without guidance, especially in this matter.

Good luck to you!

Answer 5

What is the problem?  Let them both quit it.  Let them study ethics or philosophy instead.  Whatever.

When I was 11, I had been going to religious classes for years.  That year, we were preparing for the test that would then make us eligible to be full members of the church.

I had a fine mind too and, to me, it was all bogus.  I had finally had enough and told my adoptive parents I would not go through with it.  This is HEALTHY.  Let them then reject what does not feel right to them so they are still free to embrace what you DO have to offer them.

Force them into it, and they will move in the opposite direction - AWAY from you.  Did I not write in my last comment that we should treat children as our human equals?  They deserve the same respect and honor that we give our peers.

Answer 6

Are you Catholic? I'm sure that answer really doesn't matter but I know those classes can be pretty boring.What religion does he want to study instead? I think it is important he stay in. Ask him why he feels as though he doesn't belong in yours.Tell him after all, he is your child and he is being raised the same as your other child.Tell him if you let him quit then he would have a reason to feel like he didn't belong because you would be treating him different. Are you American and he is from another country? Guess I need more info to really give a good answer.

Answer 7

Your children may have opinions, but you are the parent and the decisions are yours. Don't give in. Do what you feel is best for the child.

Answer 8

Is it possible that you should take some time to look at the reasons you want them to continue the religious education?  Is there any reason why they have to?

It just might be the most open, honest, and thoughtful thing for everyone in your family to sit down and talk about it.  Seriously listen.  Keep an open mind.  And think about letting the actual religious "education" go.  Doesn't mean they have to give up the religion, does it?

P.S.  If you force it on them, they may grow resentful and may end up hating the religion in its entirety.

Answer 9

My advice is the same.  He should encouraged and welcomed to explore the religion that is starting to make him feel he belongs, and you should show interest in it.  Tell him he also must participate in the family's religious activities.  He may decide to claim a single religious practice as his own when he is older, and you will support him in his decision when that time comes.