More help please... everyone answer!!!?

Question

first i wanna thank everyone for the advice earlier... but now i have another problem. ok so i asked the question earlier can you over give your children because i was having a problem with my kids who ask and have everything. so i took the advice and when my daughter came to me today requesting the LG Shine by AT&T i told her no be happy with the phone you have. and whoa she hit the room let me remind you again she is 13. she told me how i was a terrible mother and that everyone else has a new phone but her and she hated me. this hurt my to the core becasue i love all 5 of my children and like i said earlier they have everything. because my husband is a lawyer and i am a accounts payable manager we have good money so my kids take that for granted and do not value anything at all! my daughter goes into stores and just picks up things in her size never looking at the prices and only shops in names brand stores, and now feels she should not wear anything twice. i know this is our fault

Answer 1

first of all people up here need to realize this is your child they are talking about and calling her names like that daniejay girl did is not helping cause no parent wants to hear there child being called names. i think this issue need to be taken up wit your husband

Answer 2

Sorry, being spoiled isn't an easy thing to grow a kid out of. They'll whine and scream but they don't mean anything they say. Especially when they're 13. You can go from being a spoiler to a strict parent overnight but don't expect your kids to follow suit as quickly. They'll act out to get what they want and it's hard, but you can't reward the behavior by giving in.

Answer 3

You have lost control and you need to get it back. Take the phone she does have away for a week.

Answer 4

You need to meet with your husband before he comes home, so you can run interference for your new program before he gives in to your spoiled daughter.

Remind him that you are not teaching her valuable life lessons that will serve her later by giving her everything now. You both need to agree to limiting your handouts, and make her earn what she spends. My daughters had an allowance out of which they needed to provide their own clothes and extras. If they wanted something special they did extra chores. I had the cleanest windows during their teen years. One daughter stuck it out at MacDonald's when she was 14 long enough to earn the money for a special ski jacket.

The main thing is that you and Dad present a united front. Your daughter will suffer all her life if you give in now.

Both daughters married men who had no money sense and they both straightened out their hubbys' finances.

Answer 5

Okay, I know you already have a plethora of answers, some good some bad.

Anyway, I believe the first step is to have a heart to heart with your husband. Let him know the situation is getting out of hand in your opinion and the two of you need to present a united front.

Next make notes of the conversation and agree with one another that you won't work against each other. Tell him you would like it if instead of saying yes to their requests the moment he walks in from work, tell the CHILDREN that you have to speak with Mom first. That way if you've already said no or maybe, he's not overruling your authority.

Also, make a list of chores and responsibilities, if these items aren't done then there are consequences.

Unfortunately in this day and age, Parents are having a much harder time with spoiled children. It's up to us to teach them values and morals, we can't do that if we give them everything their little hearts desire.

Good luck!!

Answer 6

Have a family meeting. This is what you say:

"Kids, I know you guys get almost everything you want, but me and your father are stopping that. Yes, we DO have the money, but we've decided to save up to send you to college so you can get a job later in life and have lots of money too. You have to stop taking things for granted or you won't kno how to take care of yourself when your older."

As for your 13 year old, tell her shes lucky she has a phone at all. Tell her if she doesn't stop asking for things, she won't get anything at all, and her phone will be taken away as well as computer, friends, and tv privelages. Tell her she needs to wear the same outfit at least 3 times, and from now on shes only going to shop once a month and only get 3 outfits. And only one of them can be from a name brand store. The others have to be from (example: target, jcpennies...etc,.)

Make sure you search EVERY shopping bag that comes into the house.

We have a bad society. If your kids continue to be spoiled, you and your hubby won't HAVE anything to give your kids. If that happens, your kids will have a longgggg way to fall.

Hope I helped! :]

Answer 7

shes getting spoiled.which means you let her have the hand in everything.she is the boss of what goes on

Answer 8

no offense but can you ssay beyond spoiled.  you are the parents iy seems like to me she is being the boss. you have to change it no matter what she says ignore and stay tough  quit nuying the expensive stuff and giving them what they want only what they need, i mean need not what they think they need just stay tough  and make a limit how much tehy can spend of your money a month and no more than that or give them an allowance and make them buy everything they want out of that including the clothes and dont give more money if they blow all of that say oh well wait til next month and get more then  good luck

Answer 9

that is definitely over giving. I know we all want our kids to have everything, but maybe have them work for what they want. then the will respect the value  of things. if nothing else get her a summer job, she is obviously too young to work in a store or something but maybe at like a friends house doing little things for them,or pet sitting or something small like that, just so she can understand the value of things and hopefully realize that you and your hubby worked for everything you have so its only fair for them to do the same! Good luck and I hope things work out for you!

Answer 10

What is your question? You kid is a spoiled brat and yes it is your fault. But you need to take control of the situation. So what if she thinks she hates you because she can't have a new phone. I'd take the old phone away too just for the attitude.

It is not your job to be her buddy.  It's not too late for you to teach your kids that happiness does not come from material things.  Happiness comes from having parents that love you enough to make sure you grow up to be a decent person and not a greedy, selfish Paris Hilton wanna be.

added - You need to make your husband understand that what the child wants and what she needs is two different things.  Ask him how he will feel when she's an adult and is never satisfied with anything she has.  Tell him the biggest gift he can give her is overall happiness not the fleeting happiness that comes from material goods.  She'll be mad for a while but she'll get over it and she will become a better person.

Also, don't be afraid to be the bad guy. Someone needs to be in this situation.

added - loser? You didn't ask a question until you added the second part.   You spoiled your child rotten and now she only sees you as her money machine and judging from what she said to you she has no respect for you at all so good luck with that.

And no you wouldn't call my kids brats because they're not and never will be because I'm a parent not a buddy.

Answer 11

I am not an expert by any means but you may be trying to change things a little too late.  Your kids are used to having everything and you wanting to put a stop to that is going to suck for them.  You are going to get the attitude, the fits, and just every mean word or thought thrown at you.  But you are the adult, she is the child.  Tell her no, when she starts mouthing off or throwing a 5 year old fit tell her she can knock it off our she can loose say her current phone, if shes asking for a new one.  Giving your kids everything doesn't teach them anything.  Plus your kids walk all over you.  I would sit down with your husband and come up with some new rules that you both would like implemented towards your kids.  Make sure you both are in agreence with them and then present them to your kids.  Make consequences for there behavior and make them work for what they want.  And you have to stick to the rules and don't give in.  Did you and your husband become successful adults by being spoon fed all your life??  I don't want to sound rude but you need to take control of this situation and be a parent, which involves discipline and guidance.

Answer 12

don't worry. it is your fault but you need to change this quick. don't give her money to buy clothes every time she goes shopping. don't make her earn the money, cuz that's just harsh. whatever she does, don't let her have the phone. explain to her that she is being spoiled. what my mom does when she gets mad is she says this. "i wish i could get your behavior on camera, so you could see how you are acting. be aggressive, and tell her you've had enough. Sorry, when i say aggressive i meant be strong and don't give in. tell her she cant act that way to her mother but don't ground her. i believe grounding is bad and you should forgive your child, but not to early. hold a grudge and get your husband involved too. your kids need to know that your husband is serious too. also tell them that just cuz you guys have money doesn't mean you have to use it. tell her she is only thirteen and should act more mature. my mom would say this too. she would say that i acted better when i was younger than i do now. hoped this information helped and i hope you take my advice cuz i am only 12!!!!!! good luck!!!!

Answer 13

The answer is Your daughters a Spoiled Little BRAT!! You need to stop buying her all these expensive name brand things and start buying her stuff from the dollar store that will teach her!!you need to stop buying her anything that's not a necessity!!! your spoiling her and it`s not right!!

Answer 14

You are the parent. And make sure she knows that. I have a 14 yr old son and he knows that I  am in charge. And he is a good kid because of it, you need to teach your daughter.

Answer 15

You're daughter is just acting this way because for so long she's got everything she wants, but now you're putting your foot down, but if this is going to work you must be consistant with her and all your other children, tell her if she wants a new phone she can have one for christmas or her birthday! I know plenty of people who get everything they want from their parents and have a new phone every few weeks, but I've never had that and a phone lasts me years and there's not a thing wrong with it!! just let her calm down and explain to her she can't have everything she wants, life isn't like that

Answer 16

Kids don't mean what they say, when they tell you they hate you.  It is only a manipulation to get you to do what they want.  It sounds like it may be very difficult at this point to change things, because they are used to getting what they want.  Without your husband's support, I think you are fighting an uphill battle.

There can be some positives out of this however.  Your children are likely to try to continue to maintain their standard of living; and will therefore be able to help people that are less fortunate.  You may want to get them involved in volunteering in a homeless shelter or food program, to help them get some perspective.

Answer 17

I am a mother as well and my kids want everything too. My oldest is 13 and it is killing him that he can't have everything.

He uses the same lines on me. I turned myself off to it by telling myself that he will not learn anything about life if it is handed down to him. I have gradually over the years taught him to work for everything he gets. He ran our electric bill up sohigh one month that i took some of his things and sold it on the internet to pay the bill. It has taught him a great lesson. Now he is anxiously waiting for the time when he can get a job. He respects me more for it too. I homeschool my kids now so they aren't pressured by seeing all of the other kids with the nice things that I won't buy for him. If he wants something new, I make him sell something to get the money for it, or I make him do odd jobs for family and friends to earn the money. I have taught both of my kids more about finances since I have homeschooled them than any toher subject. my youngest is 11 and he is already reading up for the drivers exam and checking out the price of cars on the internet so he can start saving up on his own without my help. I make them both research prices for items they want for christmas or birthdays, and I give them a dollar amount total each summer for what I will be spending on their christmas that year. They take that amount, research the things they want and give me the list back by Thanksgiving complete with prices, taxes and options to replace items that I may not find.

It's a matter of training them. I have spent 3 years training my kids to get to this point. You can do it too. Right now you are emotional because she is controlling you with love. Don't let her tell you that you don't deserve her love, because she doesn't understand the value of a dollar.

It doesn't matter if you can afford the new phone for her or not, she doesn't deserve it if she is toying with your emotions. She actually deserves to be stripped of the phone she already has to prove your point. I want that new phone too. I love it, I think it's great. The fact is I have a brand new phone already and I will wait until I need another one before I get it.

I know you need advice, and telling you about my life was only to give you hope that you can make it work. It is a hard heartless road raising kids. If they don't hate you over new phones or clothes then they hate you for not letting them see the guy or girl who is bad for them. You can't win. I tell myself daily and I've seen this with a bunch of old timers raising kids, that your children are not your friends until they grow up. I'm not raising them to be my friend, I'm raising them to grow up and take care of themselves. That is the point. I don't care if my kids hate me, because one day they will understand and tell me thank you. I want to raise them so that when they are grown and move out they don't have to depend on me and they don't have to move back in because they can't care for themselves. I don't give them anything for free because then they don't appreciate it. It is what you should be doing as a parent. As long as you keep giving them things without making them understand there is a price for everything then they will keep taking and expect it for the rest of their lives. Prime example...My mom spoiled my sister rotten when we were growing up. Now my sister lives on my mom's property for free, and she won't do anything for my mom's care, won't help with yard work, and constantly is asking her for stuff. You don't want her to be hanging around you for the rest of her life.

Also, good point to make here...your husband works very hard for the money he makes, and that money she is blowing on stupid items that make her popular is coming out of your retirement. One day he won't be able to work anymore and you will want to fly off to a foreign country in a nice little vacation spot for just the two of you. The money she is wasting will be the difference between a struggling life and staying at home and a nice 5 star hotel to rekindle the love that you two had before you had kids.

hope this helps.

Answer 18

To the question of "can you over-give to your kids"....

Absolutely.

As parents, it is our job to teach our children life lessons.  One of those important lessons is the value of money and the value of EARNING things, not just getting them handed to you.  

Maybe you could set up some sort of system where after she does so many chores (or whatever you choose), she can get her new phone.  But to just hand it to her because she asks is not teaching her anything.

And I'd def put an end to the shopping sprees.  When she is old enough to spend her OWN money, then she can spend it on whatever she pleases.  Until then, you're still the mom and what you say should go.

Answer 19

what that peanutt chick said was completly random lol but i understand were you are coming from. tho i might not be the parent, being in the kid point of view i would have to say she is acting a bit selfish. But being 13 and our parents gave us everything, wow, id be very happy espesially cause there are so many kids out there that have nothing. maybe you should take and have her relize that. be thankful tho cause its alot easyer to break a girl then a boy...and take those clothes she dont wear and gie them away or do a garage sell....hope i helped

good luck

Answer 20

She is acting spoiled, and will get over it.....one day. If you guys have the money i would personally suggest MAKING (not asking, but telling/making) her give things away to a charitable cause. Make her figure out what is really important and get rid of most of the rest. If that means saying pick 20 outfits and five things that stay maybe she will understand that other people having bigger problems than not having the latest coolest phone ect. Some people can't put food on the table or clothes on their kids backs, maybe you should also think about making her do some volunteer work, show her how lucky she is.

Answer 21

Yeah the situation your in is a hard one. First off you need to talk to your husband in private you telling her no then daddy coming in a saving the day by saying yes your just wasting breath. He uses the excuse ( i'm sorry what that is ) I just want them to have everything tell them that's great but shouldnt they have to earn it. If you guys are not a team in rasing your kids there is a big problem before you can even set rules with your kids you gatta stand your ground that comes to him. Try setting a budget with her my mom gave my 5 dollars a week if i wanted more than i would do extra chores at my house. If you go shopping for school or anything else set it there to she can only spend a certain amount if she's over that and not willing to do chores for it them say bye bye to the top or whatever she wants. Try vollentering maybe as a family in a soup kicthen or hospital really show her that yeah you got it made. She's 13 she's not ganna listin to alot right now but if you and your husband dont nip this in the bud then she could become th next  paris hitlon and trust me i'm not making that up.