More unmarried couples having babies (before marriage) than couples getting married first?

Question

I have nothing against unmarried couples having babies or couples having babies before marriage. It just seems like there are more and more unmarried couples (before marriage) having babies these days while it seems like there are less and less couples getting married first before having babies. Pretty soon "people getting married before having kids" will be in minorities.

Most relatives my age or older are living with their boyfriends or girlfriends and some already have babies. They think I'm feeling pressured (to be married first before having babies) by the old generation and religious relatives, but I'm really not.

Answer 1

hi x

okay before i start i am sorry if anything i say offends anyone.

I am 20 years old and have 4 - soon to be 5 beautiful daughters:

Faith Marie (5)

Hope Skye (4)

Destiny Louise (3)

Trinity Jayde. (2)

I am also 27 weeks pregnant with another girl.

I got pregnant at 15 with Faith and her dad - my boyfriend of 1 year at the time (Tyler) said that he would stay by me. So we told all our parents together and they were happy for us. I had faith and me and Tyler were still together. We had gone through a rough time at school were we had lernt who our true friends were but that experience has made us the people we are today. About 3 months after i had had faith i beacme pregnant again - with Hope. Me and tyler were happy and he proposed to me. I was 16 and the time he was 17. I know it was young but we wanted the best life for our kids.

But when Hope was 2 mnths he admitted to me that he had been cheating on me for 10 months. SO we split he still sees his daughers regulary.

I was distruaght after my break up with Tyler that i asked my mum to babysit the kids one night and i went out and got hammered. I know it wasnt the right thing to do but it felt right at the time.

That night this guy came up to me and told me i was beautiful - me being half hammered gave the poor guy my life story. But he stood there and listened. We exchanged numbers and before long we met up agian. After about 3 months we started sleeping together. And i know i should have lernt but i got pregnant again. But it was ok we wanted to make an addition to our lil family. At this time Faith and HOpe didnt see there dad anymore he had moved away.

Aprox. 9 months later i had Destiny at the age of 18. Jase proposed to me and i said yes. We soon brought a house together (he had savings from some rich old auntie who died with no kids). We were both working all through this and i have NEVER claimed of welfare.

I had always wanted 4 daughers so we tried for another baby and i became pregnant agian with Trinity.

Now i am 27 wks pregnant with my 5th daughter.

Me and Jase live in a 4 bed house together.

We are getting married in October and think we are doing really well. We are both working (although i am going on mat. leave soon).

So before you judge peoples situations at least take a look at the facts. Some people have been through alot.

If you ever wanna chat just email me on [e-mail]

All the best

Esmee x

Answer 2

I think its a personal choice one should make with their bf...

i had my 2 kids before marriage...and got married while i was pregnant with my 3rd and had another child after i was married...

I dont see the difference myself. but if you think its best to wait, then wait. but dont judge others who dont wait.

GOOD LUCK

Answer 3

Your views and beliefs are your own and don't let anyone change your mind.  Do whats best and ideal for you in your eyes.  I have three kids and am not married to my boyfriend we are committed to one another and know despite anything that may happen i n the future we will always be there for one another because of our kids, and friendship.  Marriage is really to me just a piece of paper.  A true marriage is one of commitment and vows why must it be legalized with a ceremony?

Answer 4

Yours is not an odd choice.  Your cousins have the belief that living together with a baby is a committment. It isn't  There are plenty of stats that show a very large section of folks will have split before the child enters kindergarten.  That just makes for an unstable life for the kid.  

What I find interesting/appalling/disappointing is people who have the baby and then have a WEDDING, often the same year?  They go into debt for thousands of dollars for what? Envy?  Why don't you just get married?  What do you need this blown out affair for, money of which you could use to pay down your home (or put a down payment on). I realize some don't get married first because they can't get Medicaid, but I just don't believe that is the majority.

Yes, I am puzzled. My cousins also have children and have never been married, but they don't make fun of others choosing otherwise.  I just don't understand the mentality.

Answer 5

everybody has different views about starting families before marriage, me and my partner are not married yet but we have a son, our relationship is strong, we have bought a house together and everything we have, we have together.... i know so many married couples getting divorced due to either infidelity or because it was 'too soon', and there are a lot more married couples getting divorced now then there was 50 years ago because it isnt frowned upon as much anymore, aswell as having children before marriage. couples will live their life the same weather they are married or not, i am engaged but the cost of a wedding is so much and i dont even want anything fancy, just me my partner and my family but everything is about money or religeon, i am happy as i am and i wouldnt want it any other way.x

Answer 6

I waited til I was married to have a baby. I got married 2 days before I turned 20 and then I got pregnant 8 months later. I am a Christian and because of this I believe that s*x should wait for marriage as well.

I think you are making a very good choice. It will make for a secure family for your future children to grow up in.

Answer 7

I know what you mean... I feel like im the only one i know that got married and then decided to have a baby! I also feel like im the only one of people I know to wait until i was at least 21 to start my family! I think its cause society has made it ok to have babies and either not get married or thne get married that more and more people are doing it... Before society looked down upon it so not as many people did that! But i am definatly glad that i waited till after i met my husband got married and we realized we did want a baby to have a baby! I commend you for waiting until you are married to have a baby and dont let anyone make you feel bad about it!

Answer 8

i am happy you are setting a goal for yourself but in todays world everyone is clearly not like you so i think your just going to have to deal with it. there is nothing wrong with having a baby when your not married, my mother was 38 years old, college degree, and wanted a baby. but did not want a husband? there is nothing wrong with this.

Answer 9

Well, I'm with you.

Surely if they feel they are commited enough to have a child, then they are commited enough to get married?

I made sure I was married first before we started planning children. It is NOT old fashioned, just logical thinking.

Answer 10

I never wanted to have kids before getting married. It was my choice. Whatever works for other people but it would not have worked for me.

Answer 11

its probably better to be married first, but i can totally understand why some people don't marry at all, the idea of marriage is very outdated, we should stay with someone because we want to, not because paperwork says so. i have a baby and i am not married, im not in a rush to marry either

edit DOODLEST.... people who are not married don't split because they are stuck in a MARRIAGE, i rather split with someone when i want to rather then stay in a crappy marriage because 'i made a vow'

Answer 12

marrieage is not that important to me, i dont need a paper to tell me i love someone and they love me back, i want my kids to be a part of my wedding some day, but good for you and all the best! most younger people i know are spending their money on buying homes rather than a wedding

Answer 13

To each their own.....people will do what the others around

them are doing,,,,too be in//...